


Burn Steady, My Child

by blueseakelp



Series: Burn Steady, My Child [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Azula (Avatar) Needs a Hug, Blue Spirit Zuko (Avatar), Child Abuse, Everyone Needs A Hug, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Minor Character Death, Multi, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Ozai (Avatar) is an Asshole, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Swearing, Their relationship is complicated, Water tribe, Zhao (Avatar) Is An Asshole, Zuko (Avatar) Needs a Hug, Zuko’s Scar, adopted family, azula and zuko are good siblings, azula and zuko finally get Care and Love, azula and zuko run away, azulon orders ozai to kill both his children, azulon too, honestly though, i’m working on it!, ozai can fuck off, the timeline is quite different than atla, two fire bender children show up and just get Adopted, zhao is an asshole
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:40:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 47,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25376311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueseakelp/pseuds/blueseakelp
Summary: AU where Ozai is even less tactful than in the show, and things go horribly wrong. The Fire Lord orders him to kill both of his children, instead of just his firstborn son.Needless to say, this doesn’t fly well with Azula and Zuko.A "Azula and Zuko Get Adopted By the Water Tribe" story but if it was a slow burn.
Relationships: Azula & Katara (Avatar), Azula & Sokka (Avatar), Azula & The Gaang (Avatar), Azula & Zuko (Avatar), Katara & Zuko (Avatar), Sokka & Zuko (Avatar), The Gaang & Zuko (Avatar), Watertribe Family and their Adopted Firebending Children
Series: Burn Steady, My Child [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1903501
Comments: 533
Kudos: 1358
Collections: A:tla, AtLA <50k fics to read





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is based off of this Tumblr post:  
> (https://fangirlingpuggle.tumblr.com/post/622806913629011969/avatar-aufic-prompt-where-ozai-words-his-request) 
> 
> I’m still not sure how closely I’m going to follow it, but the outline and idea came from this. 
> 
> I got a bit darker than intended, so trigger warnings will be in the end notes. Let me know if I missed anything. 
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy our two (suffering, i’m sorry!!) Fire Nation babies!
> 
> {note: some things are going through edits right now! nothing changes what i’ve already written, but all of the kids have been aged up a bit from when i first started writing, so the timeline is quite different than in canon!}
> 
> {note #2: guess who has a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7DjjADbvwiGysVz0N4GSM8)? spoiler alert, it's me}

Zuko is twelve when his mother receives the letter informing the royal family of his cousin’s death. 

It is a clear day, typical of the Caldera, and Azula playfully chases him in through the garden. For once, it seems, she’s not trying to maim him, as his face splits into wide smiles that threaten to make his cheeks burst. 

Childish happiness wells up within him, a fountain, but the bubbles of laughter die on his lips when he turns to see his mother’s face. Her face has gone pale, too pale, and a single tear falls down her cheek. In her hands is a scroll, stamped with the mark of his uncle and cousin’s battalion. Zuko’s face is drained of color, mirroring his mother, and he thinks that he doesn’t want to know what she has to say next. 

The only thought Zuko can manage when Mother delivers the news is,  _ Lu Ten is dead. Lu Ten is dead.  _

It ricochets through his skull like a heavy bouncing ball, making his head pound and his eyes sting with tears. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Lu Ten promised him. Lu Ten promised he’d come back, he can’t be dead! Lu Ten wasn’t supposed to lie. Azula lies and Father lies but Lu Ten was never supposed to lie to him.  _ He can’t be dead. _ But Mother says he is, and one thing Zuko is sure of is that  _ Mother _ never lies to him.  _ Lu Ten is dead. Lu Ten is dead. _

Zuko turns on his heel and runs back to his chambers, barely avoiding the servants, his vision clouded from tears. He won’t let them fall, he  _ won’t, _ not with everyone around to see how soft he is, how  _ weak. _ Father would comment on how weak he is, Mother would bring him to the turtleduck pond and stroke his hair, but all Zuko can think is  _ not now. _

Mother calls after him but Zuko can barely hear her through the pounding in his feet and in his head. He strides down the last corridor to his bedroom, races inside, and collapses right there on the floor. 

If Father could see him, he’d call Zuko a failure. Zuko doesn’t care.  _ Lu Ten is dead. Lu Ten is dead. Lu Ten is  _ dead. 

From his place on the floor, sobs wrack Zuko’s small frame, and he feels like his chest is on fire.

~•~•~

Zuko is twelve when his mother tells him and Azula to put on their best clothes. 

Father has requested an audience with Fire Lord Azulon, and his whole family is expected to be there too, a perfect image of a perfect family. Zuko rarely ever sees his grandfather, and he never enjoys the visits. Each time, his father displays his sister’s intellect and bending prowess.  _ Never Zuko’s talents, he would have to have them to begin with. _ Always, Azula outshines him, outperforms him. Again and again, Zuko has to feel the shame of the dishonor and disgrace that come with  _ losing _ to his little sister.

And as if he could ever forget it, Father’s harsh words and burning grip on his arm afterwards always serves as a reminder of just how much of a failure Zuko is. Zuko hides the scars from Mother–she gets upset when she sees them–but he knows that he deserves this. If he was a better son Zuko would see the error of his ways and do better, do something  _ right _ for once. But despite his Father’s guidance, Zuko can never seem to measure up to Azula, and how could he? His little sister is the prodigy, the perfect child. Zuko wishes he was more like her. Father is  _ proud _ of Azula. Father is not proud of Zuko.

Sometimes, on those rare nights with no stars in the sky, Zuko wonders if he will always be a failure. Maybe he was always destined to be a failure since the moment of his birth. Father certainly thinks so. He says Zuko was lucky to be born at all. (Sometimes, Zuko silently wishes he wasn’t.) Zuko knows what his father says is probably true, but he can’t help the spark within him that wants Father to be  _ wrong, _ wants Father to be  _ lying. _

So as Zuko gets dressed in his best outfit and prepares to see the Fire Lord, he thinks with firm resolve that  _ this _ will be the day he proves his worth. Today he will finally bid farewell to shameful defeat and scalding insults and arms littered with his shortcomings.

And yet, the part of him that already  _ knows _ Zuko will not prove himself, that part is preparing for his arms to burn.

~•~•~

Azula is ten years old when she pulls her brother behind the throne room curtain. 

Azula doesn’t always like Zuko. Father says he’s weak and a failure and Father is always right. But she also doesn’t have anyone else to sneak with. So, when the meeting ends, she grabs his wrist and pulls him along with her. 

Zuko at her side, Azula watches silently in horror as her father proceeds to request the throne, insults to the Fire Lord barely concealed. Her eyes widen almost comically as her father dares to imply that the deceased Prince Lu Ten is weak, that Crown Prince Iroh is weak, and that  _ Fire Lord Azulon himself  _ is weak for allowing Iroh to return home after his defeat at Ba Sing Se. 

And they are, of course. Even Azula knows that. They’re weak and soft and  _ cowards _ but everyone knows that to say so in front of the Fire Lord is to pay the ultimate price. What is Father’s strategy here? She wonders, not for the first time, if Father really is always right. Azula has questioned her father before, in the safety of her own mind, but  _ Agni, _ never his  _ sanity. _ For an uncomfortable moment, she wonders how far he will go to claim the throne, why it is that he seems to fear no retribution. Azula is morbidly curious how this will play out, a dispute between a bold prince and a powerful ruler, so when the Fire Lord’s flames burn hotter and higher in front of him in pure rage, and her cowardly brother runs away, Azula stays, determined to find out.

She resolves to banish all thoughts of questioning her father. Azula is a loyal child, a good child, she always has been. She won’t stop being loyal now, not when Father is finally about to take the throne. She’s not like  _ Zuko, _ her failure of a brother, she won’t be. Unlike him, she knows her father deserves the throne. Anyone can see that he is a better heir than his loser of a brother. 

But still, when he requests the throne a second time, why does her throat feel like scorching flames?

~•~•~

Azula is ten when she flees to find her brother.

Exiting the throne room, she bursts into the hallway and starts  _ running, _ knocking into sharp corners and startled servants as she goes. Her chest is heaving, her heart is pulsing fast enough to burst, and she thinks she might have forgotten how to breathe.  _ Faster, faster, faster, _ she thinks, and she still cannot reach Zuko’s chambers fast enough.

Azula frantically stumbles into her brother’s room, finding Zuko sprawled out on his bed, staring blankly up at his drapes. He idly waves his arms in strange patterns, as if tracing something invisible. For a moment, she feels as if she’s interrupting something important. Azula freezes in the doorway, trying to quietly catch her breath, but the combination of her echoing footsteps and raspy wheezing alerts her brother. Immediately, he shoots up straight, shoulders set stiff and defensive, and catches sight of her. He narrows his eyes. “Azula, what are you doing here?” he says, in that sulking, shouty way of his. Zuko crosses his arms. “If you’re here to gloat, just go away!”

_ I’m not here to gloat, _ Azula wants to say.  _ You're so childish, Zuzu.  _ But trying to talk makes her wheeze harder, so instead of retorting, she runs to the nearest corner and crams herself into it. She’s still visibly fighting to regain her breath.  _ This used to be easier. _

Zuko seems to notice her distress. “Um, Azula?” he asks, a bit softer and more cautiously. Azula wants to tell him where he can shove his  _ caution, _ she doesn’t need to be treated like a frightened  _ animal, _ for Agni’s sake. He can save all that concern for his precious turtleducks.

She opens her mouth to say this, but once again, the air is stolen from her lungs.  _ Stupid useless air, stupid corncerned Zuko, stupid everything! _

Azula sinks to the floor in her corner, determined to get back control, barely aware of the way her fingertips ignite. They dig into her arms, burning through her clothes, burning through her perfect skin. The pain grounds her for a few seconds, and she briefly wonders if she could burn through her bones and out the other side. 

“Azula!” she distantly hears, panicked. “You’re hurting yourself! Lala, please stop!”  _ Lala, really? I thought you were the one over childish nicknames, Zuzu. _

Smooth hands gently and firmly take her fingers away from where she’s burning herself. Her brother holds onto one of her hands tight, and brings the other up to his chest. She feels the sharp rise and fall of Zuko’s exaggerated breaths. It feels...nice. 

“Come on, Lala, breathe with me, in and out. It’s going to be okay.” 

Azula leans into the feeling and hangs onto her brother, slowly getting her breath back under control. She feels tears well up and grits her teeth. She will not cry, at least at this point she still has her  _ dignity. _

_ It’s not going to be okay, Zuzu. You’re wrong this time. _

After what seems like hours, breathing in and out in a steady rhythm, Azula can finally talk again, but everything comes out in ragged whispers. She coughs, twice, feeling both floaty and painful inside. “Father is going to kill us.”

Silently, she wonders if a person can burn themselves from the inside out, wonders if that’s the reason she feels like smoldering ash inside. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for: implied/referenced side character death, implied/referenced child abuse, comments that could be taken as suicidal ideation, brief self injury (if you skip from “stupid everything!” to “‘come on lala, breathe with me”, you can skip that part easily), and panic attacks
> 
> let me know if there’s anything i missed!
> 
> i’m still a bit new to this format, so my apologies if anything is a bit off. if there’s anything i can fix or improve on, let me know in the comments! constructive criticism is always welcome! and if there’s anything i’m doing well, feel free to tell me that too :)
> 
> updates will vary in frequency, but i have more time than usual right now, so i’m hoping to update at least once a week. if you want to talk to me or scream at me, feel free to do so on my tumblr (blueseakelp)
> 
> hope y’all are staying safe and healthy! take care of yourselves, drink some water, and have a lovely day :))
> 
> -ash


	2. This Mask Hides My Terrors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko and Azula deal with the fact that their father is about to try and murder them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! i meant to put this out a little sooner, and the chapters should be a bit longer in the future, but i was reorganizing my room all day today so i didn’t really have the time until now. (i got a loft bed, it’s really cool haha) 
> 
> i’m not particularly proud of my summaries so far, but either way, i hope you enjoy this chapter!
> 
> (trigger warnings will be in the end notes)

Zuko has always been frightened of Azula, and he rarely thinks to be frightened for her. But as she runs into his room, panic on her lips and fire smoldering at her fingertips, Zuko is more scared for her than he has ever been in his life. The overwhelming urge to protect her overwhelms him, anger taking hold in his mind. He clenches his fists and wants to hurt whoever did this to Azula. He wants to  _ burn _ whoever reduced his confident, biting,  _ controlled _ little sister to the trembling mess standing in front of him. 

Zuko, armed with years of his own experience, calms her down, helps her breathe again.  _ In, out, in, out, Lala. You’re okay, you’re safe here. _ He takes his time, waits for her to catch her breath again, but he has never been the more patient sibling. He wants  _ answers, _ wants to know what went so wrong.  _ Be careful what you wish for, Prince Zuko. _ When he finally hears Azula’s hoarse whispers, his blood turns to ice in his veins and he wants to take back all of his silent inquiries. 

“Father is going to kill us.” 

_ Father is going to kill us.  _

Zuko instinctively takes a step back and shakes his head violently. Maybe that will get rid of the ringing in his ears.  _ Azula always lies, _ he reminds himself.  _ Azula always lies, Azula always lies! _ Zuko repeats the mantra to himself over and over again, trying to keep himself tethered to the earth, trying to convince himself. 

And of course, his mind betrays him, supplies him with thoughts he doesn’t want to think. 

_ If Azula is lying, then why does she look so terrified? _

Zuko shakes his head harder.  _ No. No, no, no! _

“You’re lying! You’re lying, Azula!” he yells, but his accusations fall on deaf ears. Of course. No one ever listens to  _ Zuko. _

In the corner, his little sister, seemingly oblivious to the world, grasps onto the beautiful embroidered curtains beside her. They are the color of fire and blood, but golden threads creep up the front in dazzling patterns. (In a way, Zuko thinks, they are both stunningly and tragically beautiful.) In the wake of the afternoon’s beauty, they are parted to let the sun's bright rays gently stream into Zuko’s chambers, swept to the side where his sister is still sitting, curled in on herself. Azula pulls on them to stand, hoists herself up onto her feet in one harsh motion. The force tears the curtains from where they hang with a terrible ripping sound, creating uneven edges in the fabric’s seams. The curtains cascade from the wall into his sister’s hands, spilling over onto the ground below like a fountain of flames. Azula stares at the heavy fabric in her palms for a quiet moment, her face blank and empty, before letting out a low, strangled laugh. Her eyes go crazed in a way Zuko has never seen on a person before, and her whole face warps into a maniac grin. This can’t be Zuko’s sister. This person scares him, but not the way Azula does. No, Azula is always calm and in  _ control _ and  _ not like this.  _ This is a stranger in his sister’s body. 

“Father is going to kill us,” she says, louder than the first time. Her face splits into an unnerving smile and laughter, insane and wild, bubbles up and out of her as she twists the ugly words into a parody of a song, a haunting melody. “Father is going to kill us, Father is going to kill us, Father is going to kill us.” 

_ Azula always lies,  _ he thinks, desperately, but it holds no conviction. 

Zuko can’t help but watch in horror as his sister dances around the room, all sing-songy, her voice artificial and sickly sweet. It’s haunting, as if she’s already a ghost, resigned to her fate, to her _death._ _She’s acting like her life is over, like ten years is really where it all comes to an end._ It’s _horrifying_ and _terrible_ and Zuko can’t look away. He fights to keep his breaths even, and feels like his feet have been welded to the ground. He screams at himself to do something, do anything, but for some reason his muscles are frozen in place.

It’s only when Azula stops her dancing and lights the curtains on fire  _ in her hands _ that Zuko snaps out of it. He positively leaps across the room to his sister, pulling her into a tight hug that startles her into dropping the flaming fabric. He stomps out the fire under his feet, holding his sister close to his chest in a death grip. 

“You’ve got to snap out of it, Lala,” Zuko mumbles urgently into her hair. He feels Azula sag in his arms, and he maneuvers them over to his bed to sit down. Azula is docile, lets herself be led, and when Zuko gets a good look at her, there are tears streaming down her face.  _ Oh, Lala. _ He’s never seen tears on his sister, not since she was just a  _ baby. _ Azula’s eyes have calmed down from their earlier madness, but they hold a tension that tells Zuko she could snap again at any moment. 

Zuko watches Azula with wide eyes, just staring for a moment. It’s so scary, seeing his little sister like this, and it feels so inherently  _ wrong. _ He’s always been the weak one, not her, and even now, just watching her break down makes his own chest tighten, his own eyes well up with tears. Zuko is at a loss for how to handle the situation, how to handle all of  _ everything, _ really, but at the same time he knows that this is his responsibility. He has to take care of it, he just has to. Besides, who else will help him? Mother doesn’t understand Azula like Zuko does, the servants will only gossip and stare when they think she won’t notice, and Father–well, Father is best left in the dark. No matter how much he hates Azula sometimes, she wouldn’t deserve the punishment she got for  _ this. _ Anyway, he’s not a tattletale, not like her. 

So Zuko awkwardly pats Azula’s back, trying to soothe her like Mother has done for him a thousand times. He can feel the shudders of her muffled sobs, the violent shaking of her shoulders, and since when has her small form been this fragile? Again, he is overwhelmed with the urge to protect his little sister.

Zuko tries to sit quietly, but after what feels like hours, he can’t stand the silence and he can’t help the inquiry that blurts out of his mouth. “What do you mean, Father’s going to kill us?” he asks, softly tracing patterns on Azula’s hand. 

Azula snatches her hand away. “I mean just that, stupid. Father is going to  _ kill us. _ ” Her voice is biting as she practically spits out the offending words. “Grandfather said Father’s punishment should fit his crime. Father wanted to claim the throne because of his heirs, but he insulted Grandfather and Uncle. Now he must lose his heirs, lose his claim to the throne. He must lose  _ us. _ ”

Zuko pales and splutters. “You–no! You can’t be serious! Just because Grandfather said that doesn’t mean Father is going to  _ kill _ us. He can’t just–he wouldn’t. He  _ wouldn’t! _ ” 

Azula glares at him and pushes herself off the bed. “Fine, don’t believe me, but don’t come crying like a  _ baby _ when you realize it’s true.” Zuko bristles at the irony there as Azula continues. “I know that you don’t understand the simple rules of the court,  _ Zuzu, _ but when the Fire Lord orders you to do something, you do it. I shouldn’t have expected the family failure to know anything about loyalty. Just know this: I’m not lying!” With her eyes flashing, Azula turns and strides out of the room. 

“Hey!” Zuko yells after her, scrambling off the bed. Azula is a master of maniuplation and getting under Zuko’s skin, but if she’s really telling the truth, well, that’s terrifying to think about. He bolts out of his room and down the hall to where she is hastily walking. As Zuko approaches, she quickens her pace. Zuko grits his teeth. He grabs her arm to get her to stop, but instantly regrets it when she hisses in pain from her fresh wounds.

“I’m sorry!” Zuko yelps. He lets go of her arm like it’s him who’s been burned. “I forgot, I swear, I’m so sorry, Lala!”

“Don’t call me that!” Azula seethes. She turns to face him, fire in her eyes. “What do you want from me anyway?” She laughs mockingly. “What, are you going to tell me you  _ believe  _ me?” 

Frustrated, Zuko flings his hands into the air. “Yes, actually!!” 

Azula blinks, taken aback, before schooling her face into a gloating expression.  _ How can she even  _ do _ that, with puffy eyes and tear lines staining her face? _ “Of course you believe me. Why wouldn’t you?”

Zuko huffs. _ What did I expect? _ He comforts her, tries to support her, and she goes right back to her blatant show of superiority.

“Listen, Azula, we’re not going to get killed. I won’t let that happen. There are lots of places we can go to get away, but we need to leave tonight if we want to make it out alive. Meet me in my room at the first stars. I’ll have a plan.” Zuko tries to sound confident and collected, like a leader would, but inside, he’s a jumble of nervous energy. Azula’s always been a better leader and a better planner than him, and if she was in a better mental state, he’d try to get  _ her _ to come up with some genius escape strategy. Zuko’s never been as good as her in that department, always just rushing head first into action. He can’t be that careless tonight, not with their lives riding on his plans.

Azula squints at Zuko. It makes her look younger. “Okay, fine, I’ll go along with whatever you come up with, as long as we return home when Father takes his rightful place on the throne.”

_ Oh. _ Zuko didn’t think about  _ that, _ the coming-back part. He nods, albeit a bit slowly. “Of course–of course we will, Lala.”

Azula scowls at the nickname. “I’m leaving to go pack a bag. You better pack one too, if you don’t want to  _ die _ wherever you’re planning on taking us.” And with that, she turns and walks down the hall, her usual confidence radiating off her once more. 

As she leaves, Zuko slumps into the wall and buries his face in his hands, suddenly feeling so many years older. He has absolutely no idea how to deal with all of this: his sister’s almost-breakdown, the news of his father contemplating murder (his murder, his  _ sister’s  _ murder) by order of his grandfather, the fact that him and Azula have to flee the Fire Nation, their  _ home, _ alone (and the fact that he’s relieved to leave,  _ why would he be relieved, would a loyal son be relieved? _ ). Zuko’s head is spinning for what must be the hundredth time just  _ today, _ and on top of this, this  _ insanity, _ he still has to come up with an escape plan. 

If Zuko fails, this could mean the death of him, the death of his  _ little sister, _ and he can’t let that happen. In the past, every failure has come hand in hand with fire and stinging shame, but during those times, Zuko could still afford the price of even his most monumental deficiencies.  _ Tonight,  _ Zuko thinks,  _ tonight is different. _

Tonight, Zuko cannot afford to fail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: panic attacks, mental breakdowns/mental issues, mentions of murder, implications of child abuse
> 
> let me know if i missed anything!
> 
> azula really just decided to go on an emotional rollercoaster this chapter, we got from point a to point z REAL fast, then jumped to point x just as quick
> 
> ANYWAY
> 
> first of all, i wanted to say to everyone who read this and commented, or bookmarked, or left kudos: y’all have me crying, thank you so much for your support! things like this really mean a lot to me, and i am happy knowing that other people are enjoying my work, so a huge, huge thank you to all of you!!
> 
> second of all, if you have any constructive criticism or mistakes you noticed, feel free to let me know in the comments! (you can let me know if i did anything well too ^^)
> 
> thirdly (?), as always, feel free to talk to me on tumblr (@blueseakelp), i’m always up for making new friends, and if you ever need someone to talk, i’m here! :)) 
> 
> lastly, i hope all of you are doing well. please remember to take care of yourselves to the best of your ability, and drink some water! stay safe and healthy everyone :))
> 
> -ash


	3. I Will Not Promise You an Eternity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Important goodbyes take place, and meaningful gifts are given to everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, yeah, so um basically i got slightly obsessed with writing this, so this chapter is REALLY long, like, over-double-the-past-two-chapters-combined long hehe 
> 
> if you like long chapters, enjoy! (and if you don’t, i’m very sorry!) 
> 
> there was also more that was supposed to happen, but i ended in a good place and decided to let more shit go down next chapter, so in the meantime enjoy this super long, slightly fluffy, disgustingly emotional chapter!
> 
> (trigger warnings are in the end notes!)

In terms of material belongings, Zuko has never been deprived. He has always gotten almost anything his mind could think of and his heart could desire. Even if he was a disappointment of a prince, he was still a  _ prince, _ and whatever he wished for he could demand at the snap of his fingertips. 

Zuko had never really felt strongly about the servants, one way or another. They gossiped relentlessly, but most of them were not unkind to him, and some were even friendly with him. Father and Azula were often cruel to them, constantly asking them to perform quite difficult tasks, but Mother had always seemed to disapprove of ordering the servants around. One time, when Zuko asked her about it, she only sighed and said, “Even after all these years, I suppose I am still uncomfortable with all of this expense.” 

Zuko thinks about that today, as he’s packing his things to leave. While he  _ is _ a prince, and everyone knows that royalty deserves only the best, some of his possessions seem rather frivolous and are frankly, completely useless items. Take his fanciest ink brush, for example, the jewel encrusted, pure gold one. It is beautiful, set with rare sunstones and other pricey gems, but it is extremely impractical, and he never uses it. It’s too heavy for his small hands to write with, and it sits in one of Zuko’s many drawers, it’s beauty entirely wasted.  _ Spirits, _ he’d even forgotten he owned it until he started tearing through all his room’s compartments searching for things to pack. 

The ink brush really holds no sentimental value to him, it wasn’t a gift and he can’t remember when he got it, it was always just there. It doesn’t mean anything to him, but he can’t help but be so  _ sad _ when he thinks of it. The brush sits in his drawer, taking up space and gathering dust, hidden away from the world. He shouldn’t feel so strongly about a simple writing utensil,  _ but it’s uncared for and unappreciated, all alone in the darkness, with no one to cherish it. _ Suddenly very interested in seeing it, Zuko walks over to his chest full of writing materials and opens it. Retrieving the brush, he holds it to the light of the window, weighs it in his open palm, and watches in awe as it shines and glints, the sunstones reflecting light in perfect circles onto the walls around him. 

But Zuko can’t waste time looking at pretty things. After a moment, he sighs and goes to put it away again, but reluctance floods his mind as he again thinks of the ink brush sitting all alone while he’s gone. There will be no one else to admire it. He’s closing the lid to the writing chest again when an idea crosses his mind. Why should he leave the brush behind? Him and Azula are sure to need money on their trip, and if no one will use this pen here, shouldn’t someone else have it, someone who will truly appreciate its beauty? Mind made up, he takes it out once again and quickly shoves it into his bag. Or, at least, the pillowcase he’s using as a makeshift bag.  _ When he says a prince has everything… _

“Zuko!” a sharp voice startles him out of his thoughts. He jumps to his feet and turns to the doorway to see his mother, arms crossed and a stern look on her face. “What on  _ earth _ do you think you’re doing, young man?”

Zuko’s eyes dart around the room. HIs things are strewn everywhere, like a hurricane came through, and he’s standing next to a spare pillowcase half full of clothes and the fancy ink brush. He gulps. 

“Nothing.”

Mother raises an eyebrow, her eyes locking onto Zuko’s with a hard stare. He tries to look away, but it’s too late. “Father’s going to kill us!”

As soon as he blurts out the words, Zuko clamps his hands over his mouth and his eyes widen in horror.  _ No, nonono NO! Stupid! Why did he  _ say  _ that? _

“What?!” He’s never heard his mother screech before, but he has to admit this is close.

“I mean–I just–” Zuko scrambles for excuses but comes up with none.

Mother’s lips purse and her eyes harden further. “Who told you this?” she demands.

Zuko pauses. Would Mother believe him if she knew Azula told him? He decides not to take the chance. “I–no one told me! I heard it myself. Azula and I snuck behind the throne room curtain after Grandfather dismissed us and heard everything. Father asked for the throne and Grandfather was so  _ angry _ and then–” Zuko tries to remember Azula’s words. “And then, Grandfather said Father’s punishment should fit his crime and told him to kill us! Me and Azula, I mean, not  _ you. _ ”

“I see.” Mother’s voice is ice and her lips are turned sharply downward. “And is this all you heard? Do you remember the Fire Lord’s exact words?”

“No, Mother, I don–” he cuts himself off abruptly. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course, Zuko.”

“You don’t think I’m  _ lying _ , right?”  _ Well, he  _ is _ lying about some of it...but that’s beside the point! _

Mother’s face softens. “No, Zuko, I believe you.” She smiles sadly. “And that’s exactly what I’m afraid of. I need you to listen to me closely now, Zuko. I’m going to try to smooth things over with your father, but you and Azula may still need to leave the palace.”

“Don’t worry, I know, Mom. And look, I already packed a bag, see?” Zuko beams with childish pride and holds up his pillowcase triumphantly.

His mother laughs lightly. “I see.”

Zuko’s face scrunches up. “Now all I need is a plan. I’m not very good at that part.”

“Don’t worry about a plan, Zuko. I will figure everything out, so there is no need for you to be anxious or stressed.”

Internally, Zuko breathes a small sigh of relief. Although he  _ really _ doesn’t want to admit it, he was starting to become worried that he wouldn’t be able to come up with anything resembling a real plan.  _ Mother will keep us safe now. _ Zuko turns to her and smiles. “I won’t worry. I know you’ll always protect us, just like a mother turtleduck.”

Mother smiles back at him, warmth pooling in her eyes. “If I’m a mother turtleduck, then you might be the most adorable little turtleduck I’ve ever seen.” She leans over to tickle him, and he shrieks with laughter. 

When she stops, Zuko is breathless, still giggling a little. “I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too, my little turtleduck.”

Zuko looks up at her and beams again, his face the picture of earnestness and innocence. “Now can you help me finish packing?”

~•~•~

When he asked for help packing, he didn’t think it would consist of a visit to his mother’s chambers, but Mother  _ insists _ that a pillowcase is not a suitable bag for a long journey. (He agrees, but is a little bit insulted at the snub to his frankly genius innovation.) Luckily, she says, she has a bag that would suit him perfectly, and so down the hall to her room they go.

Zuko has never seen Mother’s room before, at least not the inner chambers. The outer chambers, he’s seen numerous times. They’re decorated just the same as the rest of the palace, with generic Fire Nation designs, harsh reds and golds, and ample reminders of the Fire Nation’s glory. It’s not unpleasant to look at, but it’s also not particularly interesting.

But as he lays his eyes on Mother’s inner chambers, he thinks this might be the  _ definition _ of interesting. Her room is so much  _ different, _ so much unlike anything Zuko has ever laid his eyes on before. Each wall is stunningly unique, painted in delicate blends of soft pastels, and theater masks and ornate tapestries hanging off the walls in a wonderful array of colors. There are blues and greens and oranges and purples sprinkled across different parts across the room, colors Zuko rarely ever gets to see in his unchanging world of red and gold. In one of the room’s corners, scrolls and ink and brushes litter the surface of a nicely carved wooden desk, a few scrolls threatening to roll off the sides. One of the them is unfurled, just enough to reveal a lovely painting of two dragons against a brilliant sunset, one in blue and one in red, each dancing through the sky. Zuko never knew that so many different patterns and colors could even  _ match _ , and his eyes drink in the room greedily, bright and excited. It seems as if he finds something new and  _ wonderful _ to stare at each time he blinks. 

“This room is beautiful, Mother,” he whispers in awe.

His mother squeezes his hand. “I’m so glad you like it. I thought you might appreciate the masks especially. You used to love it when I would read theater scrolls to you before bed.” Her eyes crinkle softly. “I remember that the Blue Spirit was always your favorite character, so brave and daring, just like you, my brave prince.” 

Zuko suddenly scowls and pulls his hand away sharply, torn out of his stupor. “Well he’s not my favorite anymore! The Blue Spirit is  _ dumb. _ Father says theater is a childish waste of time. He says that I’m too old to be chasing after fairy tales.”

His mother turns his shoulders to face her, and crouches down to his level, her eyes both furious and sad. “Zuko, I sincerely hope that one day you will change your mind. Theater adds flavor to the world; it represents the life and passion inside each one of us. Passion is never a childish thing, Zuko, and you can never be too old for it. Please, never forget that.” 

She stands up again, but then tacks on more words as an afterthought. “Nevertheless, I hope you can keep this room a secret. Father can be–Father can be very set in his ways.”

Zuko nods, eager to please Mother. “Of course I will. I’m great at keeping secrets.”

“Thank you. Now, would you mind staying here for a while? I need to sort out a few things and find your sister, but I’ll be back shortly to help you finish packing. In the meantime,” she gestures towards the wooden desk, “why don’t you look over some of my favorite theater scrolls?”

~•~•~

Azula flits around her room nervously like a giant butterfly-bee. All the anxious energy inside of her is simmering like a kettle over a fire, just waiting to start steaming and boil over. The feeling is not entirely foreign, but today it’s different than normal. The only way Azula can describe it is _more._ Before, she’s always been able to keep the feeling under her control, to shove it down under layers of carefully formulated confidence, but now it all threatens to bubble up and out of her, unchecked. It makes her feel so wrong and _insane,_ and she hates it, she hates it, she _hates it._ _Zuzu’s the messed up one, not_ me.

Ever since her embarrassing breakdown in front of Zuko, tendrils of self-doubt have started to root in her mind and say terrible things that Azula  _ does not _ want to hear.  _ Humiliating, _ they whisper as Zuko talks to her in the hallway.  _ Embarrassing, _ they whisper as she strides back to her chambers.  _ Shameful, _ they whisper as she tries to stuff her small carrying pouches with whatever will fit.

Each time, she squashes the voices down with a medley of over the top confidence and biting remarks.  _ Storming away from Zuko, yelling at the servants. _ She tries to convince herself it’s working. Azula is the good child, the  _ better _ child; she always has been and she always will be. She won’t let something as pathetic as self-doubt get in her way. (She firmly tells herself that the thoughts are  _ not _ getting louder, they  _ aren’t. _ )

And honestly, as if things could  _ get _ any worse, there are other whispers, the ones that are harder to force down.  _ What grandfather orders his grandchildren dead? What father  _ agrees _ to it? _ They are the thoughts of a traitor. A person who questions the Fire Lord’s judgement is disloyal to the Fire Nation, and a child who questions their father is dishonorable to the family. It is a fact of life, and  _ normally, _ Azula is the perfect picture of loyalty and honor.  _ But yet, but yet. _

_ Father is only loyal to himself. _

Azula cannot stand the conflicting thoughts running through her mind, so as she sorts through her drawers and sets out items to take with her tonight she stomps around as loudly as possible. She slams cabinets, drives her feet into the carpet, hurls things across the room onto her bed, hoping to drown out the roaring noise in her head by being  _ louder. _ She has always won against others in the past, she can win against her mind now too. 

Deciding what to take on the run is not difficult. Nothing in her room holds sentimental value to her.  _ Sentiment is for fools like your brother, Azula. _ She easily sets out exactly what she’ll need for her escape.  _ Light clothes, heavy coats, soap and a knife and her crown. _ She’ll take some food from the kitchens later when she gets the chance.

Despite all the racket she’s making, Azula stays organized and wastes no time while she’s packing. The work is methodical, a bit tedious,  _ not the work of a princess, _ and she finds her mind drifting from–well, whatever her earlier mess of thoughts could be called–and towards a new abyss of uncertainty. Though she tries not to, Azula is worried about tonight. As much as the child in her wants to trust her big brother, she can’t help but be stressed about whatever “plan” it is that he’ll come up with. The more she thinks about it, the more she wants to slam her head into the nearest wall.  _ Stupid. _ Why would she ever let  _ Zuzu _ come up with a plan? And a plan that both of their lives are dependent on, at that? She’s always been better at plans; Zuko’s always just rushed recklessly into action.  _ The big dum-dum. _

“–zula. Azula. Azula!” Azula whips around.

“Mother. How pleasant.” Azula crosses her arms defensively over her chest, ignoring the way the fabric rubs against her raw burns. Her mother's eyes soften and she internally sneers.

“Azula, Zuko told me about your Father.”  _ Of course he did. _

Azula raises an eyebrow. “And?” Here it comes.  _ Don’t tell lies, Azula. Stop scaring your brother, Azula. _

Mother kneels down on the floor and places a hand on Azula’s shoulder. “And, I’m going to help you both get away from here.”

“You believed him?” Azula’s voice is laced with shock.  _ You believed me? _

Mother looks like she wants to say something more, but all she says is, “I did, my daughter, I did.” She straightens up. “I’d love it if you would accompany me to my room, Azula. Zuko is already there. You both could use a larger bag for your things, and if you desire it, I would very much like to help you pack.”

Azula tries to blink the tears from her eyes.  _ You believed me, you believed me, you believed me. _ She raises her chin and swallows the lump in her throat. “I suppose I could use a bigger bag. After all, a princess deserves only the best.”

“You do, Azula, you do.” Mother gathers up the carefully laid out items on Azula’s bed into her arms, before turning to level her with a knowing stare. “But first, we’re going to go put some ointment on your arms.”

~•~•~

When Mother first left, Zuko hesitantly stepped towards the theater scrolls and started reading through one.  _ ‘Journey Beyond the Sky’. _ He had never heard of it before, but it seemed interesting, and he quickly got invested.  _ He used to love these stories. _

Now, though, it’s been an hour since his mother left, and Zuko’s been getting increasingly more worried as the time continues to pass. He’s given up on the theater scroll, and taken to twisting his hands together, nervously pacing the stretch of floor in front of the room’s entrance. The longer he stays in the room alone, the more he worries and worries, all his anxieties knotting up in his stomach. What if something happens to Mom and Azula? What if Father comes for them, and him too? What if Mother’s plan fails and him and Azula don’t get out in time? Zuko knows that he should calm down, but he just can’t stop finding ways for things to go wrong. Everything tangles up inside of him,  _ his stomach, his chest, his hands, his mind, _ as he continues to pace,  _ back and forth. _ He never takes his eyes off the door, impatiently waiting for his mother and sister to walk in.  _ Back and forth. _

Finally, after what seems like hours of agony, they come back. The door opens and Mother enters, a bundle of things in her arm and Azula trailing behind her. His sister now wears a short sleeved tunic, and Zuko is pleased to see that her arms have been carefully bandaged, although he wishes he had thought of that first. Her face wears a neutral expression, and he can’t tell whether or not that’s a good thing. 

His mother glides past Zuko, over to the chest at the end of her bed, and sets what must be Azula’s things on it, laying them out in an organized fashion. “Zuko, may I have your things as well?”

He hands his pillowcase to her, and she quickly lays his belongings out as well, next to Azula’s. Mother carefully studies all of the items in front of her, as if going through a mental checklist. After a few moments of contemplation, she seems to finish, looking satisfied.

“I’m very proud of the both of you. There are a few more things you will need, but I can easily acquire them for you. In the meantime…”

Mother strides over to her wardrobe and slides it open. She ruffles through the contents, coming up with two bags. They are both very nice-looking, a deep black with contrasting red and gold threads weaving delicate patterns across the front. Each bag has one strap fastened to the top, presumably to fit diagonally over the carrier’s chest. Mother lifts up the flap of either bag, seeming to inspect them, before returning to Azula and Zuko, a bag in each arm. She hands one to each of them. “Pack your things in here.”

Zuko takes his bag and thumbs over the embroidery for a second, before throwing open the flap and prancing over by the chest to start packing. As he throws the first of his clothes into the bag, something catches his eye. “Hey, that’s my name!” 

Sitting on the underside of the flap, in the bottom right hand corner, is his name, 蘇科, in beautiful gold characters.  _ Zuko. _

“It’s on mine, too,” Azula whispers. 

Zuko looks at his sister as she stands next to him, silently staring at her bag with a weird expression. “Let me see!” he exclaims, and sure enough, Azula’s name is on her own bag, 阿祖拉, in the same brilliant gold.  _ Azula. _ “That’s so cool! Where did you get these, Mom?”

His mother gently clears her throat and looks away. “I always planned on taking more vacations with the both of you, but until that can happen, you’ll just have to put these bags to good use.”

“Great! Thanks Mother, these are really awesome!” Zuko resumes shoving his things into his bag.

“You’re welcome, Zuko. I’m happy you like it.” Mother smiles at him, amused. “But  _ fold your clothes. _ ” 

Azula suddenly slams her bag down on the wooden chest, eyes flashing. “Not to ruin this  _ beautiful _ display of affection,” she snaps, “but Father  _ is _ still planning to kill us  _ most likely tonight, _ and I, for one, would love to be filled in on what I’m sure is an impeccable escape plan that allows us to  _ stay alive. _ ” 

If Mother is upset at Azula’s biting tone, she doesn’t show it. “You’re absolutely right, Azula. Thank you for reminding me. Both of you please sit down on my bed.” Zuko sets his bag down and sits next to Azula.

“Now first and foremost, I want you to know that this is just a backup plan. I’m going to try to get through to your father, to see if he will see reason–” Azula snorts, and his mother continues on. “ _ But, _ if he cannot, as I think is likely, then at least you still have this escape plan in place.

“I know of a colony in the Hu Xin provinces, where you will both be safe. Luckily for us, there is a trade ship leaving from our docks on a course there, and they set sail at midnight. The captain is a friend of a friend, and I have paid him for your safe passage. He does not know who you are, and it is important that you do not tell him. It would not be safe for  _ anyone _ to find out who you are, so you must keep your true identities a secret until I come to get you again.

“Tonight at supper I will give you a signal if you must leave. I will say, ‘I hope that the sky is clear and the stars shine brightly tonight.’ If that happens, after supper, I need you both to bring your bags and meet me back in my room within ten minutes. If not, I will assume something is wrong and come to find you. I will have more supplies here for you, and I’d like to say goodbye one last time. Afterwards, you two must leave the palace and hurry to the docks. I don’t think I have to tell you twice to  _ stay hidden. _ There is an old servant’s passage from behind the bookshelf in my outer chambers, and if you slide it away, the passage will take you to the outer gardens. At that point, you must sneak past the guards to get out. From there, head straight down to the docks and find the ship marked with a red fire lily. It will be visible in the moonlight. If you board the ship and give the captain these,” Mother pulls out two miniature gold sculptures of fire lilies in full bloom from her pockets, “then you will be granted safe passage.” She hands a sculpture to each of the siblings. 

“Both of you are my beautiful children, and I know that both of you are brave and resilient. No matter how hard things seem, together, you can get through anything. Now before you go, I have a few gifts for each of you. You first, Zuko.” His mother beckons him over to where she stands, and Zuko walks over, head held high and determined not to cry. 

“Zuko, I have three things for you. The first is your crown.” She holds out his crown in front of him, the gold mark of a prince, and then sets it firmly in his hand. “Although you may have to hide, I want you to remember this,  _ never forget who you are. _ ” Zuko nods solemnly, and his mother walks over to her wall of theater masks, pulling a familiar blue face off of it’s hook. “The second thing is this mask. Your passion is a beautiful thing, Zuko.” She hands the Blue Spirit mask to him, and although he was determined to not cry, tears sting Zuko’s eyes as he accepts it. His mother walks away, and back to her wardrobe, leaning down to pick something up, wrapped in a bundle of cloth. “You’ll want to set the crown and the mask down for this,” she says, and he quickly places them in his bag before coming to stand before his mother once more. As she pulls the cloth off of his last gift, he gasps.  _ Dual dao. _

He accepts the swords with both hands, bowing to his mother. He takes them halfway out of their sheath, admiring how they glint in the light, not new, but obviously well taken care of. He sets them down reverently beside his bag and then it hits him. These are  _ his _ old swords, the one he used to practice with before Father forbade him from continuing his sword training.  _ I never thought I’d see these again. _

“Thank you,” he chokes out, looking up at his mother. The tears he has been keeping in are suddenly released as Mother pulls him into a hug. 

“I love you, my son. Never forget that.” 

They pull away from each other, and Zuko bows to her once more. He roughly wipes his eyes and looks from her to Azula, before gathering his packed bag and swords and silently exiting the room.

On his way back, he makes sure not to be seen by any of the servants, lest word get back to his father about his new bag, a sure indicator of his intentions to leave. Only when he reaches his room does he allow the floodgates to fall and all of his tears to come pouring out in heavy sobs.

~•~•~

Azula watches Zuko leave, and she feels a nervous pit in her stomach. She knows that she shouldn’t be worried, but after seeing Zuko receive such wonderful gifts, she’s half afraid that her only gifts will be harsh words and angry scorn. She’s not oblivious, she knows that Mother has never liked her as much as her brother. She understands that it’s somewhat deserved,  _ that she’s been a monster, _ but it still hurts her, deep down, in the darkest corners of her mind that she never lets anyone see.

So as she approaches her mother, standing in the same spot Zuko just stood, she holds her head high, but her hands shake and her legs tremble.

“Azula,” Mother begins. Azula squeezes her eyes shut. “Azula, to begin, I’d like to tell you that I’m sorry. You deserve a better mother than me, and I haven’t always been there for you like I should have. You don’t need to forgive me, but I need you to know that I’m sorry.”

Azula tentatively opens her eyes, peeking at her mother, standing in front of her with an earnest expression.  _ That was...unexpected. _

“Now for the gifts. You already have your crown, I won’t try to give you that, but I’ll say this: I’m glad that you know who you are. You are a strong, beautiful princess, and many people will follow you one day. I believe you will do great things in your lifetime.” As her mother speaks, Azula feels discomfort rising in her chest. She can’t handle all these weird things her mother is saying, and she wishes Mother would get on with the gifts so she could leave.

She says as much. “I don’t care about your sentiment, Mother. Please get on with your gifts so I can leave this room full of disgusting... _ feelings. _ ” The disdain is thick in her voice, and she expects Mother to snap at her, revoke her gifts, do  _ something, _ but instead she just walks over to Azula with a mask and a knife, presenting them both to her.

“Alright, my daughter. I will spare you all of my feelings, but please know one thing. Nothing in this world could  _ ever _ take away the love I have for you, Azula.” Mother gives her a gentle smile, and Azula turns away, fat tears beginning to fall. 

She looks down at the items in her hands. In one hand is the theater mask. It’s actually quite beautiful, a deep black base with a demure feminine face carved into it in solid white lines. It looks so pure and pretty, except for the thin, closed-lip smile. Sharp fangs poke out of the lovely mouth, suggesting that the innocent face is more threatening and capable than it first seems. The way the mask is made, it looks like it matches the one Mother gave Zuko, and for some reason, her heart swells at the thought. 

In her other hand is a sharp knife, about the size of the one from Ba Sing Se. The sheath is red and gold, and the blade is a beautiful shining silver. Normally, Azula would bristle at the implication that her bending wasn’t enough of a weapon to protect her, but today, surprisingly, it doesn’t bother her. She weighs the knife in her palm, thinking about how much fun it’ll be to beat Zuko in a sparring match once she gets good at using it. 

The gifts are so  _ kind, _ so  _ Azula, _ and tears continue to drip down her cheeks as she sets them gently in her bag. Azula grabs the bag’s singular strap, intending to leave quickly and sob alone in peace, but in a rare lapse of judgement, she lets go and turns around to face her mother, who also has tears spilling onto her face.  _ We’re all just a bunch of babies today, aren’t we? _

Azula stares at her mother for a long moment, before giving a quick bow. Azula rushes towards her before she can change her mind,  _ yet another lapse of judgement, _ and she throws her arms around her mother. It only lasts for less than two seconds, and Azula doesn’t give Mother the time to hug her back, only the time to be startled as she runs away and grabs her bag. She quickly darts to the door, pausing one last time before she leaves and doesn’t look back,

“And for the record, I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: mentions of injuries and death
> 
> if i missed anything, please let me know!
> 
> asfjvfkklkh YOU GUYS !!  
> I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH
> 
> honestly, every time i get kudos or bookmarks or comments or subscriptions it SERIOUSLY makes my day, and i don’t think i could tell you all how much this means to me. obviously this is just a fanfic, it’s not anything super special, but this is really the first i’ve written in a LONG time, and this fic and all your support has really pulled me out of a HUGE lack of motivation in general, so to all of you reading this, not to be so emotional (sorry), but really. thank you. 
> 
> originally so much was going to happen in this chapter, and i was only going to write from zuko’s perspective, but then azula snuck in there, and i honestly LOVE writing her perspective. needless to say, this entire chapter became extremely long, so i decided that instead of putting it in the chopping block, i’d leave it be and save some of the peril for next chapter. i wasn’t satisfied at first with this chapter, but after a bit of editing, i’m pretty happy with it.
> 
> also, the chinese names. first of all, zuko has like two, one on his wanted poster and the one i used, but i’m pretty sure that the one i used is his “official one”?? i really don’t know, but if i’m wrong on any of the chinese characters, please feel free to correct me! (also, i think one of them on his name is traditional and one is simplified?? i really don’t know, it’s a whole mess..)
> 
> like always, if you have any feedback, positive or negative, feel free to let me know in the comments! i love hearing your thoughts, and if there’s anything i need to fix, you can tell me that too!
> 
> come visit be on tumblr (@blueseakelp)!! i’m always looking for new friends and i promise i’m not scary to talk to, just really socially awkward lmao
> 
> AND lastly, please take care of yourselves! drink water, try to stay safe and healthy, and if you ever need someone to talk to, i’m probably awake, just let me know. have a lovely day, everyone!
> 
> -ash


	4. A Battle Does Not Win the War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko makes a choice, and so does Ozai.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah so shit goes down haha
> 
> this chapter was definitely a lot slower to get written. i had a lot of ideas but they weren't as coherent, so it took a while to fully flesh out. i basically listened to the 'agni kai' theme on repeat while writing this to get motivated. atla music is good music. 10/10 would recommend
> 
> anyway, i hope you all enjoy this chapter, and as always, trigger warnings are at the end

It’s only been a week since Lu Ten’s death. It’s only been a few hours since the meeting with Fire Lord Azulon. 

Zuko has never been to war. He’s trained for combat since the day he first firebent, although he still doesn’t have much to show for it, but he’s not old enough to fight for his nation, not yet. 

(He wishes he was old enough, maybe then he could bring glory to the Fire Nation and his father, instead of shame.)

When Zuko was younger,  _ before Lu Ten died at the war’s hands, _ his cousin used to dream up epic battles for the two to fight together, against deadly swordsmen, against a whole battalion of earthbenders, even against the  _ Avatar. _ Zuko and Lu Ten would always emerge victorious, epic heroes defending their glorious nation. Back then, war was just a concept. Back then, his cousin was still alive. 

Despite never having set foot on the battlefield, Zuko feels like he’s about to fight his first battle tonight. He wants to lay down and get some rest in the few hours before dinner, just in case he really does have a long journey to the colonies ahead of him, but he’s just too stressed to sleep. Zuko can feel the anxiety rising in the depths of his stomach, twisting through him and tying his insides up into knots.

There’s way too much energy simmering within him to relax, so Zuko practices his firebending katas. He twists through the familiar motions  _ over and over _ again, trying to work away the writhing coils of nervousness that are making a home in his stomach and lungs. He’s sweating and panting at the exertion, but the stress is slowly falling away from him, so at least the exercise is working. 

Zuko thinks back to one of the first letters Lu Ten sent him. It was about two and a half years ago that it arrived, and it detailed his cousin’s thoughts before his first real battle. 

**_ I hate this feeling, Zu. It’s not just the feeling of the calm before the storm. It’s like we’re in the eye of a hurricane, and we know the storm is raging around us, moving towards us, just ready to swallow us all up. Today our camp is so quiet and peaceful, and it feels so  _ wrong _ when we all know what’s about to come.  _ **

**_ The anticipation is washing over me in waves. I can’t help but want to do something, anything, before the fight. I was training, for a few hours, before Father made me take a break and write a letter to clear my mind. Still, so many thoughts keep racing through my head.  _ **

**_ At the end of the day, will I have trained enough? Will all our soldiers be prepared to face the enemy? Will we emerge victorious from this battle, or will we fail?  _ **

**_ I want to be a great leader, and tomorrow, I will bravely fight. But to tell you the truth, Zu, sometimes I can’t help but be scared out of my mind. _ **

Zuko thinks he might finally understand what Lu Ten felt at that exact moment. It’s the same thing he’s feeling now, waiting to leave the Fire Nation with Azula. 

Eventually, Zuko gets tired of working through his firebending katas, the repetitive nature boring him. He squats down and puts his head between his legs, breathing heavily, before he catches sight of the swords his mother had gifted him with earlier. They’re hidden under his bed right now, and he  _ really _ doesn’t want anyone to see them.  _ But… _

Zuko darts over to his window and peaks out to confirm that there’s no one watching him before he pulls the remaining curtain closed. It doesn’t cover his window all the way, and he scowls a bit. He’d forgotten that Azula tore the other ones down earlier. He leans down to pick up the singed curtains and tries to hang them in a way that covers the rest of the window. It doesn’t really work but it’s close enough, and Zuko  _ really _ wants to practice with his swords.

Satisfied enough that no one can peek into his room, Zuko takes one last peek out at the terrace, then dashes back over to his swords. It’s been so long since he’d last used the dual dao, but when he pulls them out of their sheath, they still feel familiar in his hands. Practicing with them used to be his favorite activity before Father forbade him to keep learning. 

_ It is shameful for a firebender to be more skilled with a non-bending weapon than his own gift of fire. You are not a prince of the Sword Nation, Zuko, you are a prince of the  _ Fire _ Nation. Do you want to bring  _ more _ shame to this family than you already have? If you cannot ever learn to use your gift of fire like your sister has, then you never deserved it in the first place. Disgraceful. _

Using the dao now, he remembers why he loved them so much. There are so many things that he’s not good at, so many different areas that Azula always upstaged him, but when he’s using his swords he  _ shines. _ It’s something that comes naturally to him, something that he’s good at, something he doesn’t associate with pain. 

He goes through a few simple katas to warm up and get the feel of the blades again, but then he’s experimenting with them, spinning and twisting around his room. Zuko loves how graceful and  _ strong _ he feels when he’s using the dual dao. Sometimes he wonders if this is how Azula feels  _ all  _ the time, so confident and smooth. If she does, he thinks he might understand why she’s so cruel. The feeling of being in control is almost intoxicating.

Working with the swords is better for his stress than firebending, and he feels his boiling emotions spill out and evaporate in layers. Anxiety falls away to reveal excitement. Zuko’s never actually been outside of the palace before, not to mention the whole Fire Nation, and now he’s going to finally get the chance to see what the outside world is like. (Well, technically the colonies where he’s going are still Fire Nation territory, but it’s still exciting.) If he doesn’t think about the ‘Father wants to kill us’ part, the journey ahead of him seems almost like an adventure, a chance to explore the world and try new things. 

When his excitement falls away, it leaves fear. What happens if things go spectacularly wrong with the plan? This whole night could be a disaster waiting to happen. And there’s also the topic of Azula.  _ Sure, _ Zuko saw her basically have a mental breakdown, but that doesn’t mean she’s going to stop being mean to him. He wants to just get along for once. They’re going to have to work together on this journey, but what if Azula decides she still hates him?

As he continues to slash at the air with his swords, his fear recedes and leaves a final level of anger. Zuko feels angry, but he doesn’t know who he's angry at. He wants to be angry at his grandfather, for ordering his death. He wants to be angry at Father for caring so little about his children. He wants to be angry at Azula for being so mean all the time and Lu Ten for not coming back. He wants to be angry at everything at the universe, at whoever keeps deciding to throw struggles his way. 

But he finds that he’s not angry about any of that; none of those things are what fuels the burning rage within him. 

Maybe he shouldn’t be so surprised to realize that his anger is towards himself. 

Zuko's always been told he’s the disappointment, the failure child, and he’s always believed it. Especially now that he’s facing his own death. Zuko can’t help but wonder if his Father would still be okay with killing him if he was  _ better. _ He’s always wanted his Father’s love, and now he thinks he might be angry at himself that he could never be good enough to have it.

When he comes to this realization, Zuko stills for a moment. Even though these thoughts, these feelings of anger, have always been there inside of him, it somehow feels like a monumental moment that he’s figured it out. It feels like puzzle pieces coming together, like for a second the world makes some sort of sense. 

With renewed clarity, he goes back to slashing at the air with his swords.

~•~•~

Dinner that night is a tense affair. 

To be fair, it usually is. Azula and Zuko and their parents sit down together every night to eat, just as the sun is setting. Zuko has no idea why they still do it. His family used to talk together, back when Azula was just a toddler, but they rarely speak now. No one ever seems to want to be there. It might be to keep the pretense of being a normal, loving family (which is honestly downright comical). Personally, he thinks they should abandon the family dinners altogether. 

Either way, it won’t matter after tonight. This is the standoff before the war.

Whereas at previous dinners the silence had merely been awkward, tonight it’s deafening. In between trying to calm himself and actually  _ eat _ instead of just shoveling food into his face, Zuko sneaks looks around the table. Each of his family members is keeping a perfectly neutral expression, but each of them has this  _ look _ in their eyes.

_ I know something you don’t. I know something you don’t, and my next move will be your downfall. _

Zuko wonders when he missed the lesson on sending messages with his face. The rest of his family seems to have perfected it.  _ Yet another thing Zuko can’t do right. _

Zuko feels paranoia flow through him the entire time they’re eating. He tries his best not to show it, to keep his face neutral like everyone else, but he worries that Father already knows about the escape plan. For all he knows, his father is just waiting for the right moment to reveal what fools they are,  _ for thinking you could outsmart  _ me, _ your own flesh and blood. _

It is his mother who first breaks the silence. She speaks slowly and cautiously, letting her words get stuck in the tense atmosphere and hang there.

“I hope that the sky is clear and the stars shine brightly tonight.” 

Zuko nearly drops his chopsticks.  _ The escape is on. _

He quickly responds, tries to force a normal conversation,  _ just in case Father suspects. _ “Me too, Mother. I’ve always loved the way the stars shine from my bedroom window.” No one says anything in response. 

The standoff continues.

Nearing the end of dinner, Father abruptly sets down his finished bowl. It makes the other dishes clatter. He stands from his place on the floor and suddenly fixes Zuko with a calculating stare. He smiles, and Zuko thinks he looks like a tiger-fox about to pounce on its prey. 

“Prince Zuko, my son, I humbly request that you join me for a training session.” He smiles again and gestures to Zuko. “After you are finished with your meal, of course. It is excellent practice to train after sundown, especially for a blossoming young prince such as yourself.” 

Zuko gulps. It’s so creepy, seeing his father act like  _ whatever this is. _ Father’s tone is unusually smooth, sickly-sweet honey dripping from each word, but Zuko knows that the sound is deceptive. There is no room to refuse Father’s  _ offer. _

His gaze darts over to his mother, sitting at the opposite end of the table. Zuko sees her eyes widen almost imperceptibly at Father’s words, before narrowing. She plasters on a pointedly fake smile and nods. “Of course, your father is right Zuko. I’m sure this is a prime opportunity to improve your bending skills.” Mother stands and smooths out her robes, smiling daggers at Father. “Come now, Azula. It is almost time for bed, and I’m sure your father will be entirely too  _ tired _ to put you to sleep after a long training session with Zuko.” 

“Yes, Mother.” Azula stands and bows to Father, before exiting the room with their mother. No one mentions that their father never puts either Azula or Zuko to sleep.

With Mother and Azula gone, Father’s smile only gets wider and impossibly sharper. “Come, my son, we have no time to waste. Your training awaits.”

Zuko bows, trembling. “Yes, Father.”

~•~•~

Zuko is surprised when his father leads him down the long hallway from their dining chambers to the palace training hall. Normally, Zuko is only allowed in the smaller training rooms, the ones he receives firebending instruction in. The training hall is entirely different from those rooms. It’s wide and empty and free of accidental scorch marks that come from the beginners’ firebending practice. Here, the adults train and fight.  _ Here, their hits land their targets. _

The large room has a small passageway that leads the way to an even larger room, the Arena. The Arena is meant for spectators, with rows of seats and a large platform in the center of the room. A large banner at the end proudly sports the Fire Nation insignia, and the room is painted in a bold red. Zuko has only been in there once, as a spectator, when Lu Ten performed the traditional royal coming-of-age ceremony.

These days, the Arena is generally out of commission, except when holding special events, like Lu Ten’s firebending ceremony, but he hears whispers from the servants, sometimes, of the old Agni Kais that were held there. It is a practice that has become less common in recent years, but Zuko knows the basics of the challenge. It’s a firebending duel, usually fought to severe injury or death, although in some cases an opponent can yield. When Zuko was a child his father seemed fascinated with them. He used to tell him all about how an Agni Kai was the ultimate test of strength and skill, a testament to the honor only a  _ true _ firebender possessed. 

Stepping into the training hall, behind his father, Zuko’s hands start to shake even more. He knew this was never going to be a normal training session, but the thought solidifies in his mind even more.  _ Father’s going to kill me. Father’s going to kill me. _

Father strides into the middle of the training hall, looking around the room as if taking in its sheer size for the first time. He sucks in a deep breath, tips his head up to the sky, and breathes out a stream of fire, large and terrifying. He barks out one dry laugh that echoes off the stone walls and turns around to face Zuko. 

“Prince Zuko,” he roars, slowly advancing over to where Zuko stands. “You have always been the weaker child, a worthless disappointment. I have constantly done my best to be merciful to you, my only son.  _ However, _ the Fire Lord has asked of me a great task: to kill you and your sister and prove my loyalty to the throne.” Father stops just a few paces in front of Zuko and gives him a hard look.

“Now, your  _ sister _ has always proven herself loyal, proven herself worthy of the life Agni has bestowed upon her. Now it is your turn to prove your worth.

“I am a loving and merciful father. I am giving you a chance to save your life tonight. If you complete one simple task I have for you, I will allow you to live and serve me loyally when I take the throne. If not, you will be stripped of your honor and die a dishonorable death.”

_ Maybe Father does want me to live after all. He’s giving me a chance. _

Zuko bows low to his father eagerly, ready to prove himself. “I accept your generous offer. What is the task you require of me?” 

Father smiles wickedly. “I’m glad you’ve chosen the...right path. Please, my son, come with me to the Arena. It is there you will face your task.”

Zuko makes his pace quick to match his father’s long strides. When he ducks through the entry to the Arena, it takes a second for his eyes to adjust. Compared to the low light of the training hall, this room is bright and simply enormous. Zuko takes a moment to look around, gazing in front of him at the empty stands and looming fiery walls. It’s even more impressive than he remembered.

Caught up in his awed reverie, Zuko almost forgets about his father until he speaks, his voice booming even  _ louder _ than before. “Prince Zuko,” he starts and Zuko’s eyes snap over to where he’s standing, in the middle of the stone platform. 

“A mark of a loyal Fire Nation citizen is unyielding intolerance for treachery. As a prince of our nation, this must be a pillar of your very being. If you are ever tolerant of any traitor to the Fire Nation, then you are as good as a traitor yourself. 

“Now just earlier today, in the very palace we reside in, the royal guards uncovered a treacherous plot. One of our servants, entrusted with the simple duty of caring for the royal messenger hawks, has been approving messages to the Earth Kingdom full of classified information. Some of this information is vitally important to our war efforts.” Father gestures to the ceiling, high up, and Zuko follows his hand to where his father is pointing.  _ How in Agni’s name did he not notice that before? _

Hanging from the ceiling, by two thin ropes that extend down to the floor, is a small wooden platform with what looks like...a  _ person _ on it. Zuko squints. It  _ is _ a person! Upon closer inspection, Zuko realizes it’s a boy about his age, maybe one or two years older.  _ What is he doing up there? If he falls from that height, he’ll die! _

Zuko looks at his father, confused. Father smiles at him with a toothy grin. “Ropes are easy to burn through, Prince Zuko, even for one as unskilled as yourself. Are you going to let a traitor live?” 

The realization hits him.

_ Father can’t– _

_ Why– _

_ I can’t– _

_ NO! _

Zuko looks up and accidentally catches the boy’s–the traitor’s!–eyes. He holds the others’ gaze for a long second, looks at his terrified face. How could his father ask this of him? He can’t kill someone, much less a boy ( _ a traitor, Prince Zuko! _ ) __ his age. What if he didn’t even do anything wrong? What if it wasn’t his fault?  _ He is a  _ traitor, _ your own father said so. _

_ Sometimes Father lies. _

_ Sometimes Father lies. _

_ Sometimes Father  _ lies.

What if his father is lying to him? What if this loyalty test is just to prove how cruel and ruthless Zuko is?  _ Zuko’s not like that, he  _ can’t _ be like that. _

_ Zuko can’t do this. _

“No.”

The grin falls off of his father’s face. “What did you just say?”

“No,” Zuko repeats, louder. “I won’t kill him.”

His father levels him with a piercing gaze, fury evident in his eyes. “Then I will.”

Before Zuko can react, the rope is on fire and  _ burning, burning, burning, _ hot and fast. In just a few seconds, it burns straight through the top of the weak ropes, and the boy starts  _ falling. _

“ _ No! _ ” 

It feels like forever until the boy hits the floor, but then he does. His head splits open with a sickening  _ crack, _ and his eyes glaze over, unseeing. His blood pours over the stone floor like the tears pouring down Zuko’s face, hot and slow and eerily silent. 

Zuko turns to his father, sobs catching in his throat. “How could you  _ kill _ him?” he screams, his voice cracking. “He was a  _ child! _ ”

He seeks answers in his father’s face but finds none.

“He was a  _ traitor _ , and you were not strong enough to defend our great nation.” 

_ He was a child, a child, a child. _

Father stalks over to Zuko and towers over him. Zuko squeezes his eyes shut tight, and feels the stinging sensation of his father’s hard slap. 

“I gave you an opportunity. This was your chance to prove yourself loyal, an easy task, and yet you failed,  _ again. _ I have given you  _ everything, _ and you repay me with only disloyalty and cowardice.” Father spits out the words furiously.

“You are a dishonorable son. You have proven that you do not deserve the life that has been given to you. And since you seem so  _ intent _ on disobeying me, fighting my orders at every turn, then you will fight me again,  _ one last time. _ ” 

Zuko looks up at his father, tears once again pooling in his eyes. “What–what are you saying, Father?”

“Isn’t it obvious, my  _ son? _ ” Father smirks. “Agni Kai.”

Father turns sharply on his heel and walks to the other side of the Arena’s stone platform, leaving Zuko at the other end, chest heaving. On his way, he kicks the dead boy’s body off the side, leaving a stain of blood where he previously laid. When he reaches the end of the platform, his father rips off his shirt and throws it onto the steps. He is a terrifying sight, looming large and angry, the Fire Nation insignia hanging behind him.

Zuko knows he cannot fight. He knows he cannot  _ win _ this fight, even if he were to try. This is not how he wants to die, fighting his own father. He throws himself onto the floor in a low bow.

“I am not going to fight you, Father. I am your loyal son.” His voice shakes and tears drip down his chin.

His father advances toward him one last time. “Stand and  _ fight, _ Prince Zuko.”

Zuko looks up at his father, eyes pleading. His large hand comes up to cradle his face, almost tenderly, before holding him in a vice grip. Zuko lets out a sob.

“I will not fight you, Father.  _ Please, _ I don’t want to fight you."

“Foolish boy. You will pay for your disrespect with your suffering, and your cowardice with your  _ life. _ You have no honor left to save you.” 

The last thing Zuko feels before he passes out is his face,  _ burning and burning and burning. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: child abuse, violence, death
> 
> let me know if i missed anything!
> 
> as always, thank you guys so much for all the kudos and comments! i haven't quite gotten around to responding to the ones on last chapter, but i promise it will happen soon :) feel free to let me know if you have any constructive criticism, or if you liked anything! alos, my tumblr is @blueseakelp if any of you ever want to talk or scream at me haha
> 
> this chapter was definitely one of the hardest yet to write. i wanted to focus on zuko, and think about how ozai might go about learning that both of his heirs would have to die. i think he's pretty cruel and insane, but i also think that he'd want to try to keep them around, if only to further his own agenda. also, i just think that the scar is really important to zuko's character, and i wanted to still incorporate that into this au. it's harder for me to write from zuko's perspective than azula's, but i really wanted to take some time to explore the whole "what if things go wrong?" part. 
> 
> (also, i'm still new to ao3 writing, but i tried to fix some issues on the last few chapters' formatting, and i think that it might've shown up to my subscribers as if i had actually updated? i'm really not sure, but i'm sorry about that, it was just a few fixes to the text.)
> 
> anyway, thank you all for reading! i really appreciate you guys. drink some water, get some sleep, and take care of yourselves. have a lovely day :))
> 
> -ash


	5. Ursa’s Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ursa cannot erase her past mistakes, but she will do whatever it takes to protect her children. Especially when it counts the most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my alternate title for this chapter was ‘well shit the last chapter just happened’
> 
> anyway, hope this is enjoyable, and trigger warnings will be in the end notes!

Growing up, Ursa had so much to live for. Her village, Hira’a, was small but lively, and even in spite of the war, her community remained prosperous. Growing up in a small town had many advantages, and neighbors were always willing to offer support to one another.

Ursa’s parents were wonderful people, relentlessly kind and loving towards her. Even though she grew up an only child, her parents’ affection made it so she was rarely lonely. They used to tell her stories of her grandfather, Avatar Roku, a great hero who strived for peace between the four nations. From a young age, they tried to instill in Ursa a love for both her nation and each individual being, Fire Nation or not. 

Her parents never outright said it, but Ursa often suspected that while they were proud to be of the Fire Nation, they despised the war and had disdain for the rulers who kept fighting it. However, to even hint at it would be treasonous, and if they did share those beliefs then they were wise to keep their mouths shut. Everyone had heard the neighboring villages’ stories; people were greatly punished for far less.

Reflecting on her life, Ursa can soundly say that her parents were good people, the best influences she could’ve had growing up, and more than she even deserved. 

In her childhood years, Ursa spent as much time enjoying theater as she did at school, and eventually joined her village’s acting troupe. They were famous in their province for their astounding performances of ‘Love Amongst Dragons’. Each year they put on a spectacular show, complete with beautiful costumes and brilliant fight scene choreography. After her school days were behind her, the acting troupe was her work and her life, second to only her parents. 

Ursa still fondly remembers the wild nights of her youth, when all the young adults in the troupe would steal away from the town and go out dancing. It was forbidden, of course, but if they went beyond the small farms and into the valley, no one would catch them. The stupid no-dancing laws never stopped them from waltzing straight through the night until morning, always softly giggling on the way back home. 

Those were pleasant times in Ursa’s life, something she always holds onto when life becomes difficult. To this day Ursa still considers her fellow actors her greatest friends, and even something akin to family. 

And with the acting troupe came Ikem. Growing up, they had been close friends and schoolmates, but never so much as when they worked on shows together. As Ursa and Ikem painted sets and practiced lines together they forged a new, romantic bond. He was passionate and intelligent and knew how to make Ursa laugh. Although Ursa had previous crushes when she was younger, she learned what love was like with Ikem, and before being taken to the palace she had almost married him. 

Ikem was brave, but sometimes he could be so foolish. When Prince Ozai proposed to Ursa and they got engaged, Ikem urged her to reject him and run away with him instead. Knowing it was the only way to keep him safe, she lied and told him that the prince was her love, and marrying him was what she truly wanted. She broke his heart that day, and it was all she could do to not burst into tears along with him instead of turning around and walking away. She sometimes has fantasies of what it would be like if she had married Ikem sooner, if she would’ve spent the rest of her life in Hira’a, if maybe she would be happier now.

In her early days as Prince Ozai’s wife, Ursa often felt as if she no longer had anything to live for. The palace was stiff and boring, she was forbidden from contacting anyone from her past life in the village, and she had virtually no freedom within the walls. At the beginning, she was hopeful that she could grow to become friends with Prince Ozai, and maybe even learn to love him, but that quickly proved an impossible task. When he was not outright cruel, he was still stiff and cold. If he had passion for anything besides presiding over the throne, Ursa never got to see it. 

Although it was a very hard time, Ursa found solace in the gardens. It refreshed her to walk through the array of beautiful plants and flowers. It was an added bonus that there were barely any reds or golds there. The freshness and the rainbow of colors strongly reminded her of the village and the acting troupe, and it was a relief from the harshness of the palace rooms. Ursa made a habit of walking through the garden paths each day.

Her favorite thing about the gardens, however, was the turtleducks. One of the side pathways veered off from the main sanctuary and led to a small turtleduck pond. The first time she stumbled across it, there was a set of new baby turtleducks that were swimming in the clear water. Mesmerised at the first sight, she had kneeled down by the pond to watch them splash around. One of the little ducklings, small but brave, had come right up to her and quacked loudly. It was one of the first times she had laughed since arriving at the palace.

From that day on, she often brought along some bread with her to the gardens, and stopped to feed the turtleducks after her walks. Later on, after her children were born, there was a second pond put in near the main courtyard, but Ursa always preferred the original one.

And besides the turtleducks, Ursa had new people to talk to, actual people this time. While her husband and the Fire Lord were not especially warm to Ursa, she found a place with Crown Prince Iroh and his son, Prince Lu Ten. 

As a princess of the Fire Nation she was not allowed casual companions, and her interactions were limited to the servants and the other nobles residing in the palace. In the months after her marriage to Ozai, she became very lonely with no one to talk to. It was during one of her visits to the turtleduck pond that she eventually stumbled across Iroh. 

They had only spoken once before, briefly at the wedding ceremony, but he invited Ursa over for tea with him and Lu Ten. She accepted, and came to find that Prince Iroh and his son were exceptionally pleasant people (especially compared to the rest of the royal family). The first teatime was a gateway to a strong friendship with her brother-in-law, and a close relationship with her nephew. 

Ever since Iroh’s wife, Princess Jinai, had passed giving birth to Lu Ten, Iroh took full responsibility for raising his son. Ursa saw how loving Iroh was with Lu Ten, and the boy had obviously flourished under his father’s guidance; even at just ten years old he was a kind and brave young man. Ursa quickly became close with her new nephew. Among Iroh and Lu Ten, she felt welcome in the palace for the first time, and it was initially them that made her want to have a baby.

Looking back on her decision to try for a baby, Ursa now recognizes how foolish she was, how naive. She thought that if she and Ozai had a child together, maybe he would become more like Iroh. She thought that he could learn to love a child and that once she produced an heir, he would not treat her with such disdain. She should have known better.

But she didn't know better back then. Ozai agreed to her request, and Ursa got pregnant with a son.

When Zuko was born, Ursa had a renewed resolve to stay alive, to love her son. 

He was born in the first month of winter in the dead of the night. Even the moon was dark that night, and Agni’s rays didn’t smile down upon him until hours after his birth. He was a healthy child, but so  _ small _ and  _ helpless. _ When Ursa held her newborn son in her arms, she finally understood the monumental pressure of having a child, a whole other person that she was responsible for.

Ursa hoped that Ozai would look at their Zuko with as much love as she had, but he had only looked at him with the same coldness and distaste that he had for everyone else. Ozai said that Zuko’s time of birth was a bad omen and that he was destined to be a weak child. He barely even gave his son a chance. Ozai hated him from the moment he first laid eyes on him.

Over the years, Ursa always strived to make up for Ozai’s cruelty, showering Zuko with compliments and as much love as she could give. It was easier when Iroh and Lu Ten were at the palace. They became very close with Zuko, and helped balance out his father’s hostile nature. When they left, it was harder to be a good parent. Ursa was once again desperately lonely, often falling into depression, and she now had two children to raise.

After seeing Ozai’s treatment of Zuko, Ursa was against bringing another child into the world. Ozai, on the other hand, was now obsessed with it, often stating that he must have another heir to make up for the ‘family disappointment’. (The first time Ozai called Zuko that, Ursa slapped him out of sheer anger and shock. She quickly learned not to do that, and also picked up a habit of wearing long sleeves at all times.) 

For a while, Ursa resisted having another child, but after a long battle, she did not have the strength. Ozai ordered her to bear a child, and she became pregnant with her daughter.

When Zuko was two years old, Azula was born. It was a lucky day, the summer solstice, and she was born in the height of the afternoon, when Agni’s rays were strongest. Ozai was very pleased, naming her for his father, and claiming that she was destined to be powerful. From an early age, he showered her with compliments, but any real affection or love was still lacking. Ursa tried to fill in the gaps, but as time went on she focused more attention on Zuko and less on Azula.

Looking back, it was one of her greatest regrets.

When Azula and Zuko were both small and still showed no signs of firebending, they acted almost like normal brothers and sisters did. Zuko was always very protective of Azula, even though she constantly insisted she didn’t need his help with anything. They got into trouble together, and made up fun games to play to keep occupied. 

However, everything changed when they started to firebend. When Zuko was seven and Azula was five, they both started to show signs of firebending at around the same time. Ozai was very pleased with Azula, and took her under his wing, but he still showed unkindness and anger to Zuko at every turn, especially now that his favorite child was officially a prodigy. Ozai got royal tutors for them both so that they could study and train, effectively ending their real childhoods at just five and seven years old.

As Zuko realized more and more that he was the unfavored child, Ursa saw him become harder on himself, and more angry. He constantly tried to live up to Ozai’s too-high expectations, and always seemed to hope to be better than his sister in some way. He was continually devastated when he failed. Sometimes Zuko would come crying to her with wounds that he wouldn’t tell her about (from his father, she suspected, although some of them looked inflicted by  _ him _ ). She always carefully tended to the wounds, and her heart would break, again and again.

(And then there was that one time that broke Ursa’s heart the worst of all, the time she found him rocking in his bedroom corner, whispering to himself over and over.  _ Worthless, failure, disappointment, do better, Zuko. _ He barely even let her come near him to comfort him.)

Azula, on the other hand, started to revel in her father’s praise. She became more like Ozai each day, crueler and more violent towards everyone. Gone were the days where she would play nicely with her brother; now when they played together Azula would invent new ways for Zuko to get hurt or in trouble. She was mean with her words, too. She constantly parroted the same insults that came out of Ozai’s mouth, about Zuko, about Ursa, even about Iroh and Lu Ten who were away fighting the war. Ursa lost her temper with Azula more times than she wished to say.

Ursa used to try to convince herself that she did her best with Azula, but on some level she knew she hadn’t done enough, she had given up on her daughter too quickly.

When she had finally admitted it to herself for the first time, she had cried for hours. She had tried so hard to take care of her children, but in trying to protect Zuko from harm, she had failed to give Azula the same positive validation and affection that she gave to Zuko, but that they were both missing. Ursa felt no better than Ozai. While Ozai disliked his son for being too much like his mother, Ursa had unintentionally deprived her daughter for being too much like her father. In those moments of self reflection, Ursa vowed to try to make it up to Azula, to finally be the mother she deserved.

Now, as Ursa plans for her children’s escape from the Fire Nation, she wonders if the realization came too late.

~•~•~

In the past, Ursa has tried to find things to live for. Her parents, her village, her nation, her children. She’s lived to protect them, to love them, to serve them.

Today, Ursa knows she has found something to die for. 

Maybe everything in her life has led up to this. By saving their grandchildren, she honors her parents. By saving the Fire Nation’s heirs, she honors her country. By saving what could be their last hope for an end to the war and destruction, she honors her village. By helping them escape, by protecting their livelihood, she honors her children. 

Ozai would say her weakness for her children brings shame to her family and her people. Ursa strongly disagrees. She knows her love is a strength, one she hopes her children will carry with them to the next chapter of their life.

Yes, when Ursa sees Ozai take their son to the training hall, she knows instinctively what she must do. 

Ursa takes Azula and leads her out of the dining chambers. She finds Zuko’s things and grabs a bag filled with food and medical supplies. She gives them to Azula, tells her to be safe.

There are only a few tears between them, a whispered goodbye, before Ursa gives her final instructions to Azula.

“Azula, when I go to get Zuko, I need you to come with me. No matter what happens when we find him, I need you to take your brother and  _ get out of here, _ as fast as you possibly can. My daughter, you should know that I’ll always be with you, and I will always love you. You are in my heart, and I am in yours.” Ursa places a hand over her heart to emphasize.

“Yeah, yeah, you were already sappy, I get it, we love each other,” Azula mutters, but she looks uncertain and has the soft glint of tears in her eyes. Ursa has no idea if Azula understands the weight of Ursa’s words, a mother’s final wish, but something tells Ursa she does. 

“Good.” Ursa kisses her forehead and starts walking towards the training hall. Azula trails behind her with a soft hand on her forehead. 

She allows herself barely any time to think as she walks. When she tried to talk Ozai out of the murder of their children earlier, he only said he would spare them if they each proved their worth. Ursa is afraid of what she’ll find when she sees Zuko.

(Maybe a dead boy, maybe a monster in the making. Either way she’ll love him to her last breath.)

When she throws open the door to the training hall, all she hears is a booming voice and screaming. It’s a heart wrenching sound. Zuko is not in this room, so Ursa runs to the Arena, only to find  _ her husband’s hand burning off his face. _ She is only frozen for a millisecond before she screams, raging at Ozai, saying what she’s wanted to for years.

“Your own son! Your own flesh and blood and you put him through this much pain! You are a  _ monster, _ Ozai, and I hope you one day feel what it’s like to  _ burn. _ ” 

While Ozai turns his glare to Ursa, Azula stealthily drags her brother out of the room and away.  _ Far away from here, my daughter. Leave this place of nightmares behind, my son. _

Ozai seethes at her, fire still hot and blazing around his hands. “Well isn’t this pretty.  _ You _ never understood sacrifice, Ursa. You are weak and you make my children weak because of it. You think I am able to be pushed around because in the past I have held back on you, wife,” he snarls. “Well, I’m not going to play nice anymore. Enjoy your little bout of  _ defiance, _ because when I’m Fire Lord, and I  _ will be _ Fire Lord, I will make sure you have no will left to defy me with!”

And with a flourish of flames, he’s said his piece.  _ As if a few angry words would truly keep her down. _ He’s still raging, Ursa can tell, but he’s losing interest in her, scanning the room for Zuko and  _ her children, they need more time! _

She is prepared for this, more sure of this than anything she has done before.

“Agni Kai, Ozai. Just you and me, right here and now.”

He sneers at her, flaming hot with ever-cold eyes, and he accepts. In the end, Ursa leaves burns on him that  _ she hopes will scar, hopes will hurt as much as he’s hurt his family, _ but she knew coming in that this was one fight she could not win. She only hopes she gave her children enough time to get away from this wretched place, maybe have a shot at normal. 

Despite her loss in the Agni Kai, Ursa feels triumphant. She did her most important job, she protected her children. Her very last thought before she breathes her last is only,  _ My love gave me enough strength to defy  _ you _ to my dying breath. Fuck you, Ozai. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: abuse, implications of self hate and possible self harm, violence/character death, swearing 
> 
> let me know if i missed anything!
> 
> thank you all for the lovely comments!! i absolutely love reading them, and i promise to respond to them all soon! :))
> 
> haha it’s probably pretty obvious at this point, but i’m kinda a whore for writing repetition themes (if that’s what they’re even called??), and descriptive writing. i promise i will try to ease up and being in some more action :)
> 
> as always, comments are welcome, and you can always reach me on tumblr at @blueseakelp !!
> 
> please take care of yourselves, stay safe, and drink some water! i’ll see you all next chapter :))
> 
> -ash


	6. Walk With Me Away From Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azula leaves the palace with her brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a bit more chill; it was originally going to be longer but i split the chapter up. 
> 
> hope you enjoy, and trigger warnings will be at the end!

Azula drags her brother out of the training room and down the hall, trying to retain a calm composure.  _ Agni, why is he so heavy? _ She tries to lift him so he’s leaning against her back, but his feet end up dragging on the ground, scraping against the stone floors. 

Azula’s arms feel so weak, weighed down with Zuko and the three bags she’s carrying. It’s not a feeling she appreciates, especially in an urgent situation like this, the feeling of not being able to do enough. Azula  _ really _ needs to get back to Mother’s room before Father comes after them, but she just  _ can’t, _ not like this.

She’s so focused with just moving down the hall that she nearly misses one of the servants almost crashing into them with a supply cart. It annoys her, and Azula turns back to hiss at the servant, but seeing the supply cart gives her an idea. She hobbles over to the wall and leans Zuko against it.

“Wait here,” she commands, before remembering that he’s unconscious.  _ Stupid. _

Azula runs after the servant with the supply cart, catching up to her at the end of the hallway. She grabs the cart and starts haphazardly dumping out its contents onto the floor. 

“Hey!” the servant yells at her.

Azula flashes the servant girl her signature Do What I Say or I Might Lightly Maim You look, and the servant’s eyes go comically wide as she realizes who Azula is. She bows deeply and hastily.

“My deepest apologies, Princess! I’m so sorry. Is there any way I can assist you?”

“Nope,” Azula responds, loading her bags into the now empty cart. She shoves the servant away from where she’s trying to help.

The servant girl twists her hands together. “Are you sure, Princess? If you change your mind, please let me know. I–”

Azula glares. “Are you stupid? Were you dropped on your head as a child?” 

The servant stutters in response. Azula is aware that she’s being a jerk right now, but when has that stopped her before? Besides, this is actually  _ important. _

“Just fuck off!” 

Now  _ that _ gets the stupid girl to finally shut up. She bows and flees. Azula can almost feel her mother scolding her for bad language. 

_ (I don’t care what your father said, you are still a  _ child, _ Azula! I am your mother and while I am still living–) _

And if that’s not a sobering thought. Mother  _ could _ very well be dead.

_ Agni, Azula, you can’t think about that  _ now,  _ you’re supposed to be escaping! _

Azula grips the cart and shoves it over to the wall where Zuko is leaning, still out of it. Trying not to touch the half of his face that looks... _ melty, _ she shoves him and his limbs into the lower half of the cart. Him and all the stuff will still be heavy, but at least now the wheels can do some of the work for her.

Azula tears down the hallway with the cart as fast as she can go. (Near-death situation aside, running with the cart is kind of fun.) When she reaches her mother’s chambers, she checks to see that no one is watching and then she rushes inside. Azula slams the door shut behind her as quietly as she can manage, and clicks both of the locks shut. For good measure, she heaves a chair in front of the door and props it there. Now hopefully even if someone follows them it will take longer to catch up.

Azula suddenly has an idea of how to get past the guards at the palace entry way. She sprints to Mother's room and tears down one of her curtains, draping it over the top of the cart so that the sides are covered. She hears Zuko lightly stir, and she lifts part of the curtain to peer down at him. He looks bad.

She jabs at his neck with a perfectly manicured fingernail. “Hey dum-dum, shut up, you better be quiet until I tell you or else we’re both gonna die.” Azula grimaces a bit as she realizes how harsh that sounds.  _ But it’s true! _

Zuko just groans softly and lolls his head. Azula can work with that. 

She drops the curtain again and runs over to Mother’s wardrobe hoping to find a dark color that  _ isn’t red, Spirits above! _ Finally she locates a black cloak, nestled on the floor. She lifts it up, and puts it on, but not before seeing a bag that looks a lot like the ones she gave Azula and Zuko earlier.

_ One, not two. _

Azula doesn’t have time to think about that. 

The cloak is long and definitely not Azula’s size, but she finds a way to drape it so it works, pulling the hood up over her head. She takes a quick look in the mirror, satisfied, and then promptly extinguishes all the light in the room with a clench of her hand. 

That was probably not her best idea, seeing as everything is pitch black now. Azula lights a small flame in her palm and cradles it. All that’s left for her here now is the old servant's passage. She remembers that Mother said it was behind the bookshelf in her outer chambers. Azula walks over and pushes with her back, careful to keep the flames away.

It’s heavy, but not as much as Azula thought it would be, and within two minutes she’s knocked it over and pushed it out of the way. 

This would be a lot easier if  _ someone _ was fully conscious right now. 

When Azula uncovers the door, she’s almost surprised that it has a handle instead of some crazy mechanism like the passageways the Fire Sages use, before she remembers that not everyone can firebend. This is just a servant’s passage, after all. 

Azula slides the door open and peers in, watching and listening for any signs of people, but it’s abandoned, just like Mother said. Azula turns the cart so it’s facing the passage’s entrance, and then she’s off, pushing the cart down the smooth passage floor. 

Running with the cart again, she feels a mix of terror and adrenaline and glee, and Azula almost forgets to shut the passageway door behind her. 

It’s a ways to the gardens where the passage ends and the journey is filled with sharp twists and turns. There's no light in the tunnel, but there are torches hanging on the walls, and Azula lights them with weak fire as she goes. They each extinguish behind her quickly after she moves on. At some point, Azula realizes she’s probably jostling Zuko around and slows down a bit from her breakneck pace.

At last, they finally reach a door, and Azula does a quick check outside to make sure she’s in the gardens. She is, and it looks like she’s in the all clear, no one in sight. 

Quietly, she wheels her cart past the garden to the entry gates, where two palace guards are standing, and puts on her best worried expression. Azula goes up to them with the cart and tugs on one of their sleeves. 

“Excuse me! Can you please,  _ please _ let me through? My grandmother is sick and I need to deliver these supplies to her!” Azula looks up at the guard with what she hopes are convincing tiger-puppydog eyes, but he just shrugs her off with a sneer. 

“Get lost, kid.”

Oh well, Azula prefers violence anyway. Before the guards can call out for assistance, she has them both knocked out with some firebending and a hard hit to the head on the cold stone below. In the future, she decides, she’ll leave the acting to Zuko. Azula’s method is  _ way _ more effective.

_ The palace really needs better security if a ten year old child can get past the front gates. _

Azula once again takes off, finally free of the palace. She heads down to the docks using the same route that the palanquins take their family on when they’re about to leave for Ember Island. She thought about taking a less obvious path, but she really can’t afford to get lost now and lose time. Azula’s not quite sure how much longer it is until midnight, but it’s the season of year when the sun sets later and later at night, so it could be a lot shorter than she thinks. She can’t risk missing her ride. 

~•~•~

As Azula reaches the docks and sees all of the giant metal ships, she feels the adrenaline of the night starting to wear off. She’s trying to be stubborn, to hold on, but after walking and pushing the heavy cart for so long she just feels so tired. She can push through it, of course, she’s been trained to keep moving and fight through much worse conditions, after all. But she still really wishes for a hot meal and a warm place to rest. 

The cart’s previous downhill momentum slows, and Azula slows along with it. Trudging along the rocky path, she looks for a ship with a fire lily painted on its side. Her eyes scan each of the larger ships for a moment, and she’s starting to wonder if the fire lily ship is actually in the port until... _ there. _ Azula spots it.

It’s quite a small ship, actually, and nestled between all these gigantic ones, it’s really easy to miss. It looks sturdy enough, and is probably either a private messenger ship or an import ship for some wealthy merchant. She wheels the supply cart over to the wooden platform that it’s docked against. She checks inside her pockets to make sure that the golden fire lily sculpture is still there. Azula will probably need Zuko’s too, to get him and the supplies aboard. She grabs his bag from the top shelf of the cart and ruffles through it, finding it secure in one of the bag’s inside pockets.

Looking the ship up and down once more, she pulls her cloak close to her and steps aboard. She’ll need to find the captain, Mother said, to give him the sculptures. It probably would’ve been nice to know what the captain looked like. Azula settles for the next best thing, going around banging on things until she gets someone’s attention.  _ Seriously, how is no one on deck right now? _

Azula’s about to go below deck when a rough hand grabs the back of her tunic, lifting her into the air. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” a voice asks. 

Azula kicks the voice in the shins. It huffs. “Put me down and I’ll tell you!”

“Alright, calm down, kid.” Azula is dropped, and she spins to face a very tall woman, looking down at her with raised eyebrows. “So?”

Azula pulls out the two fire lily sculptures, shoving them up at her. “I want you to take me to the captain of this ship.”

The woman raises her eyebrows higher, muttering something about  _ Spirits above, we’re letting kids on board now? _

Azula scowls hard, challenging the woman to turn her away, but she just shrugs and waves her hand. “Sure thing, kid. Captain’s this way.”

~•~•~

After a short exchange between Azula and the captain, he accepts the fire lilies and shows her to a room. 

“This is where you and your brother will stay. There are two meals a day in the lunch hall, one at midday and one at sunset; you’re welcome to join us. Other than that, don’t die, I don’t want that on my hands. Someone will come to help you bring your stuff up from that cart.” 

Captain Shamu’s not the warmest. Anyway, it doesn’t matter, they’ll be to the Hu Xin provinces soon. Azula turns to ask Shamu when exactly he thinks the ship will arrive, but he’s already shut the door behind him. Azula does a once-over of her new quarters before spinning on her heel and exiting.

On her way off the boat, she catches a glimpse of the woman from before sitting on a stack of crates, and runs over to her. “Hey! I need you to help me!” Azula demands. The woman looks up at her. 

“What do you want now, kid?” 

“I just told you, you need to help me. I have too much stuff to carry by myself, and my brother is  _ heavy. _ Come on.” Azula starts walking off the ship to the supply cart, and the woman sighs but follows. 

She stands with her arms crossed as Azula grabs the three bags from the top shelf of the cart. I don’t see this brother of yours.”

Azula throws the curtain off the supply cart and gestures to where he’s curled up. “See him now?”

The woman gasps at the sight of him, but hurries to go pick him up. She’s careful to avoid touching his face. “What  _ happened? _ ” She chokes out.

Azula laughs bitterly. “Our father, I think, I don’t know.”

“Oh.” The woman doesn’t seem to know what to say to that.

They walk in silence, side by side, back to the ship. Azula leads the way to her and Zuko’s quarters, dropping off her bags in the room. The woman doesn’t set Zuko down. 

“What are you doing?” Azula asks. “This is where we’re both staying.”

“His face will get infected if it's not treated properly. Come on, I’ll take you to the ship’s healer. She’ll take a look.” The woman starts walking down the metal hallway.

Azula follows her, eyes trained on Zuko. “Thank you,” she says softly. The woman just nods in response.

They reach what must be the healer’s room, and the woman knocks before sliding the door open and stepping inside. Inside is another woman sitting on the floor, pouring over a book of some kind. She looks up sharply at the footsteps but her face softens when she catches sight of them. “Ako,” she smiles. 

The woman carrying Zuko, apparently named Ako, smiles lightly in return. “Hey, Oyumi.” Ako nods at Zuko in her arms. “We have someone who needs your help.”

Oyumi’s eye narrow slightly, calculating.

“Set him on the table and turn up the lights for me,” she commands. The dim room lights up and Oyumi walks over to the mat where Zuko is now laying. She gets a good look at his burnt face and swears. 

“Agni, Ako, what happened? This really doesn’t look good.”

“Yeah, no shit.” Ako jabs a finger in Azula’s direction. “I already asked her. We don’t know what happened.”

The healer stops grabbing herbs for a moment and turns to Azula. “Do you know him?”

“He’s my brother,” Azula responds.

Oyumi nods. “Okay, well your brother got hurt pretty badly–”

“That much is obvious,” Azula scoffs. The healer ignores her.

“Right now, we need to make sure his wound doesn’t get infected. I can treat it with a few herbs and bandage it up, but there’s not much I can do beyond that.”

“Can you prevent it from scarring?” Azula asks.

Oyumi shakes her head. “Not really. Proper treatment will help, but he’ll have a pretty bad scar for the rest of his life.”

Azula sucks in air through her teeth.  _ Fuck, _ she thinks, because this is a ‘fuck’ kind of situation. She sits down cross-legged on the floor next to where Zuko is laying. “Can I watch you bandage his face? I need to know how.”

“Of course,” Oyumi says. “This will need to be done for a few weeks until his face heals.” 

Azula watches as the healer works, trying to memorize what she’s doing. She sits in silence, eyes tracking Oyumi as she cleans the wound, lightly spreads salve on it, tucks a few herbs in the bandages, and then wraps them around Zuko’s face. 

Even after Oyumi is done and takes Ako outside to talk for a minute, Azula still sits, watching. She stares down at Zuko with intensity, wanting to smooth out the lines that scrunch up his face. He hasn’t woken up yet, and Azula doesn’t know if that’s something to be worried about. (She worries anyway.)

She feels slightly numb like this, like her brain is floating aimlessly in her skull, a million miles away. Any energy that she had earlier is drained away as everything comes crashing down. 

She looks at her brother in front of her, and wants to cry. Azula could’ve lost him today too, along with her mother. 

Zuko, who held her as she cried earlier today. Zuko, who still cared about her even though she acted like a monster,  _ was a monster. _ Zuko, who is an annoying dum-dum, but is still her big brother.

Azula’s loyalty has always been to her father. Up until the events of today,  _ Agni, she can’t believe it’s all been today, _ she has trusted her father above all else. Father was always right; Father’s actions were always justified.

But today, he crossed a line that Azula didn’t even know she had. Between agreeing to kill his only heirs, doing whatever the fuck he did to Zuko,  _ and probably killing Mother, too, _ Father had finally went too far. He was insane at this point, childless and without a wife and trying to be in control of the world without an actual  _ plan. _ Azula barely had any respect left for him. 

Every complaint about her father that Azula had buried deep down inside of her had come bubbling to the surface today.

She could forgive him a lot, but looking at Zuko’s  _ face. _

_ Bubbly and melty and horrifying and  _ sick.

_ Zuko was the weaker child, but he still couldn’t have deserved  _ that.

When Azula is loyal, she is fierce and unyielding. She expects the same out of anyone who is loyal to her.

Azula’s eyes droop from exhaustion as she fights to stay alert next to Zuko’s mat. He protected her earlier today, now it’s her turn to do the same for him.

Maybe it’s time for her loyalties to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: swearing, mention of injury and child abuse
> 
> oof yeah so that was shorter than i intended but i hope you guys enjoyed it anyway! 
> 
> i know azula is ten, but i’m going to let her say Fuck because if my brothers can she can too. also, i’m not going to have ocs play a huge role in this fic, but i started writing these two and they’ll be involved a bit more in the next chapter. i already love them so much haha
> 
> thank you all for you comments and kudos! it always makes me smile a lot haha :) and as always, my tumblr is @blueseakelp if you want to stop by!
> 
> drink some water, take a nap, and take care of yourselves!! see y’all next chapter :))
> 
> -ash


	7. Lean On My Shoulder to Rest a While

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are two strange children on a voyage across the sea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this update is later than usual, but i finished it!
> 
> trigger warnings are at the end, and i hope you enjoy :)

Oyumi slumps to the floor, burying her face in her hands. “Fuck, Ako. Fuck. I have a tiny kid in my infirmary with half of his face burned off.  _ Fuck. _ ”

Ako sits next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, holding her close. “I know.”

“I don’t even–how–” Oyumi stutters. She throws her head back and just screams for one long moment, before slumping on Ako’s shoulder. Ako wraps her other arm around her.

“I know.”

“Who could let that happen to a child? What if–what if someone  _ did _ that to him on purpose?”

Ako sighs, and leans her head on Oyumi’s. “The girl said that it might be their father.”

Oyumi clenches her fists. “That fucking– _ Agni, _ who could  _ do _ that to a child?” She squeezes her eyes shut and when Ako looks at her she sees tears streaming down her face. She gently reaches her thumb out and wipes them from Oyumi’s face. 

“I know, Oyumi.” Ako uses her fingers to smooth out the lines in the other woman’s face

Ako sits there and holds her for a while as she cries. Soon Oyumi has stopped shaking and just leans into Ako’s arms, the wheels in her head audibly turning. Ako raises an eyebrow. “I can feel you thinking. Murder is a punishable offense.”

Oyumi sniffs and looks up at Ako. “Oh? And when have I followed the law before?” she asks indignantly, but she’s smiling. 

Ako kisses the top of her head. “Better?”

“A bit,” Oyumi responds. Ako smiles back at her.

“You’re cute when you’re angry.”

Oyumi scowls and punches her in the shoulder. “We’re in a crisis situation here, and you’re thinking that I’m  _ cute? _ Hey, stop laughing!”

~•~•~

The bossy little kid is obviously trying hard not to fall asleep when Ako re enters the room with Oyumi. She doesn’t turn as they come in, not even when Ako accidentally slams the door and Oyumi hisses at her to  _ stop making so much fucking noise, are you  _ trying _ to startle the girl. _ (Oyumi trips over a metal tray and goes crashing to the floor right after she says it.) The kid sits with her back to the door, staring intently at her brother.

“Hey, kid,” Ako says. She doesn’t respond. Ako walks over to her and lightly touches her shoulder. “Snap out of it.”

The kid  _ jumps _ at Ako’s touch, turning around to glare sharply at her. “What do you  _ want? _ ”

Ako puts her hands up in what she hopes is a non-threatening way. “Relax, we just wanted to check on you guys.”

The kid scowls even harder. “Well, we’re fine. You can leave now.” The kid tries to sound intimidating, but the fact that she’s obviously stifling a yawn ruins the effect.

Oyumi pipes up from where she’s doing healer stuff. “You should get some rest. You must be tired.”

“I’m not tired and I don’t need rest!”

“Mmhm,” Oyumi hums, walking over and draping a blanket on the kid’s shoulders. “And I didn’t spend three years getting certified as a healer. You need sleep.”

“Yeah,” Ako pipes up. “Kid, no offense, but you kind of look like shit right now.” Oyumi kicks her in the shin.

“You can’t curse around kids, Ako,” she scolds. “The girl’s like seven fucking years old.” Ako raises an eyebrow. Oyumi realizes her mistake and clamps her hand around her mouth.

The kid glares. “The  _ girl _ is right here, and she says fuck you to both of you. And I’m ten, not  _ seven. _ If you’re going to patronize me, at least get your facts correct.”  _ Wow, her  _ voice _ can glare too. _

Ako and Oyumi exchange one glance, and then promptly burst out laughing. It’s loud and it makes Ako’s sides ache. 

“Hey, what in Agni’s name are you doing?” the kid shouts. The two women try to stop laughing, taking steadying breaths, but they catch sight of each other and roaring laughter once again spills from them. At one point, Oyumi falls to the ground on her knees, hunched over and wheezing. Ako feels tears well up and start falling as she laughs.

This continues for a few more minutes while the girl stares on in confusion, before Ako and Oyumi get tired and can finally calm down again. Ako steadies herself and stands up properly. 

“Sorry about that!” she tells the kid, her tone chipper.

The girl doesn’t seem to know how to respond to that, settling for an, “Umm.”

Luckily, Oyumi breaks the awkward silence. “My tea!” she exclaims, and rushes over to one of the counters where a kettle sits on top of a stove. She immediately takes it off the heat, but leaves the fire going to warm the room. Oyumi looks in the pot and frowns, but brings the kettle and three cups over on a tray.

“I think I burned it,” Oyumi admits, pouring the tea. “But you don’t have to drink it.” She slides a cup to both Ako and the kid, before pouring herself a cup.

Ako takes a gulp and almost spits it out. “Yeah, that’s scorched,” she laughs, fanning her mouth, but continues to take small sips. “And super hot.” 

The girl inspects her cup, holding it between her hands and staring into it. She seems to take Ako’s proclamation as a personal challenge, and downs at least half of it in one gulp. Ako sees her wince, but the kid just says, “It’s not  _ that _ hot, you’re just a wimp.” 

“Liar,” Ako mutters under her breath. She sips her tea faster. Oyumi shoots Ako a look, which she pointedly ignores.

Oyumi turns her gaze to the kid. “So…” she starts awkwardly. “I don’t think I caught your name.”

The girl gives her a scalding look. “Is that a question?” 

_ Brat, _ Ako thinks, amused. “Do you and your brother here have names?” she asks sarcastically.

“Yes.” The kid offers nothing more.

Oyumi clears her throat uncomfortably. “Umm…what are they?” she asks.

The kid rolls her eyes. “I’m Yun; my brother is Li.” 

Ako raises her eyebrows. “Pretty textbook names,” she says. There’s no  _ way _ two mysterious strangers show up on the run with the money for passage on this ship and they’re just named  _ Yun _ and  _ Li. _ What did their parents do, open a math lesson book and point at two random names? Ako calls ape-bullshit.

The girl, Yun apparently, narrows her eyes. “I suppose that’s why they’re... _ textbook _ ,” she says, her glare challenging Ako to state her suspicions. “Because there are so many people with those names.”

Ako concedes. “Well don’t let me question you,” she says, although she’s definitely questioning Apparently-Yun in her head.

“Hey, are you both done with the tea?” Oyumi asks. Ako exchanges glances with the kid. 

“ _ Yes, _ ” they say at the same time, before Apparently-Yun goes back to scowling at her.

“Alright, alright,” Oyumi grumbles, clearing away the tray. “You don’t have to be  _ that  _ eager about it.”

Ako gets up to help her. “You know you love me,” she teases. She kisses the top of Oyumi’s head.

“Children in the room,  _ children, _ ” Oyumi mumbles, but yawns and wraps her arms around Ako sleepily. “Agni, I’m tired.”

Ako goes over to a cupboard where she knows the spare mats are. She turns to the girl, who is now staring at her brother once more, seemingly determined not to catch either of the women’s eyes. “Hey, Yun,” she calls. The kid doesn’t respond. “ _ Yun. _ ” 

Yun (who really  _ can’t  _ be named Yun) snaps her head up. “Oh. What do you want?”

Ako holds up a mat. “Want one?” she asks. “You can sleep in here with your brother if you want.”

Yun stands up and walks over to her, arms folded. “You,” she says pointing at Oyumi. “You stay. You have to be here if something happens to my brother.” She snatches the spare mat from Ako. She rolls her eyes.  _ Brat. _

“Hey, what about me? Can I stay?” Ako asks.

“I don’t care what you do,” the kid says, spreading her mat down next to her brother.

“Alright, then. I’m staying.” 

Oyumi hands her a mat and takes one of her own out. They both set up a respectful distance from the kids. 

When they look back over to the two kids, the girl is asleep, holding onto her brother’s hand.  _ Fuck, that’s too sweet. _

Ako turns on her mat to face Oyumi. “The kid’s a brat but she’s  _ adorable, _ ” she sighs dramatically. “I’m getting stupid mushy  _ feelings, _ what am I going to do, Oyumi?”

Oyumi scoffs and giggles. “Go to sleep, idiot.”

Ako sticks out her tongue. “I’m  _ your _ idiot.” 

“Go to  _ sleep, _ Oh Precious Idiot.”

~•~•~

When Oyumi wakes up again, it’s to the feeling of Yun shaking her. 

“Get up, get  _ up! _ ” a tiny voice hisses and she shoots up.

She spots Yun and looks over to Li, who is trembling and whimpering on his mat.

“Shit,” she swears under her breath. She quickly makes her way over to the boy, filling up a bucket of water on the way.

“Bring me some cups, will you?” she tells the girl. “I could use some clean rags, too.”

She leans down next to Li, who is incoherently muttering. She feels his forehead, and sighs in relief.  _ Thank Agni. _ She thought he might have a fever, but his skin is still the right temperature for a firebender.

Oyumi takes her hand off of his face, but the touch has already startled him awake. As he sits up he brings a hand to his bandages, before crying out in pain. The boy starts to breathe heavily, hyperventilating and still muttering. The only words Oyumi can make out are  _ no _ and  _ father _ and she clenches her fists.

Yun comes up quickly behind her, setting down the cup and rags. “What’s wrong with him?” she asks, forcefully. “Is he okay?” 

Not waiting for an answer, she rushes over to her brother and grasps his arm. “What’s wrong, dum-dum? What’s the matter?”

He can’t answer, his chest too busy heaving and gasping for air.

“Hey, breathe, breathe for me.” She scrunches up her face, before placing his hand on her chest and taking deep, exaggerated breaths. “Do you feel my breathing? Breathe like me.”

It takes a minute, but eventually Li is getting in enough air to speak. “La-la?” the boy gets out.  _ What does that mean? _

“Shh, no. I’m here. I’m here. Breathe with me, you’re safe.” Yun’s voice is soft with her brother, a contrast to her harsh, take-on-the-world approach with Ako and Oyumi. 

Oyumi comes closer to see if she can help, but the girl turns a fierce glare on her.  _ Stay away, _ it very clearly communicates. Oyumi nods, apologetic, and backs away. She turns to the counter and busies herself with gathering supplies to redress the boy’s wound. 

When she comes back, Li is nestled against his sister's chest, her arms wrapped around him, her hands awkwardly brushing the parts of his hair that aren’t singed. His breathing is back under control and he seems a lot calmer now. 

“Is it okay if I redress your wounds?” Oyumi talks slowly and carefully and tries not to upset either of the siblings.

Yun looks down at her brother, whispering something to him. He nods at her. “You can come over. Be careful, and try not to touch him too much.” Her tone is stern and leaves no room for argument. 

And who knew that Oyumi would wind up getting bossed around by a child in her own infirmary? Not her, but she doesn’t mind. Yun’s protectiveness over her brother is endearing, and she’s grateful that the kid will have someone to advocate for him, even if it is a tiny little squirt.

Oyumi comes over and helps the girl lean Li back down on the mat. She unwraps the bandages as gently as she can, and takes a look at the boy’s face. It’s just as horrific as yesterday, red and blistered and painful-looking. The boy’s hair is singed and burnt away near the wound, and it looks like his hair is bothering the burn. Oyumi realizes that she might have to shave it off to properly treat the wound. 

She says this to the girl, half expecting her to get upset, but instead she just nods. “Well then, get it over with.”

“I’ll be back in a minute,” Oyumi promises, leaving the room. She heads over to Ako’s room, swiping her shaving kit. She checks to make sure it’s clean and usable, but luckily, it hasn’t been used in months, so it’s nice and shiny.

When Oyumi returns, she takes out the shaving kit to start, before realizing that she has no idea how to shave. She doesn’t want to cut up the boy’s skin, so she wakes up Ako. 

“Hey. Hey, Ako. Wake up.”

“What do you want?” she mumbles sleepily. 

“I need you to shave Li’s head so I can dress his wound properly.”

Ako puts her hand over her face. “Later, I’m still tired.”

Oyumi pulls at her arm, getting her up. “Nope, now.”

“Pushy. Fine, I’m  _ going. _ ” Ako gets up and walks over to the counter. Oyumi places the shaving kit in front of her. 

“Stop stealing my stuff,” she complains, emptying the kit’s contents onto the counter.

“Borrowing.”

“ _ Stealing. _ ” Ako looks over to the kids on the mat, then to the barrel of water in the room. “Have him sit up. And I need a mirror.” 

Oyumi finds a mirror and props it up against the wall. Yun helps her brother sit up, and brings him over in front of it. Ako goes over to the boy, turning and shaving his head gently. She avoids touching his face, especially near his wound, too much, and Yun looks thankful.

When Ako is done, Oyumi cleans and dresses the burn once again. The girl once again watches her the whole time, and Oyumi tries to include her in some of the steps. The boy flinches and hisses in pain whenever anything touches the wound, and Oyumi tries to be as quick as possible without being sloppy. 

When she’s done, she carries him back to the mat and lays him down. The boy looks exhausted. She gives him a cup of water, and he downs it in one gulp. She refills it, and he drinks it slower this time. Afterwards she gives him a gingerleaf root to chew on for the pain. 

After a few minutes, his breathing slows and he falls back asleep. Ako yawns loudly behind them. “I guess since I’m awake I’ll go get you and the kid some food.” She nods at Yun. “Hey, you want to join me?”

Yun sighs loudly and rolls her eyes. “Whatever. I have some things to grab anyway. If anything happens to him, I’m blaming  _ you. _ ” She points sharply at Oyumi. 

Ako’s eyebrows raise and the side of her mouth quirks up. “Alright then,” she says, voice chipper. “Let’s be on our way.”

As they leave, Oyumi feels the girl's eyes still narrowing in on her. The pair get out into the hall before she hears Ako start talking. “Hey kid, you could stand to loosen up a bit.” She doesn’t hear what Yun responds but is mildly sure that it involves some kind of swear.

With Yun and Ako gone, Oyumi really has nothing to do besides start a pot of tea and stare at the boy on her healing mat. He’s kind of tiny, can’t be more than ten, and his shaved head makes him look even more baby faced. 

He’s also wearing clothes that are definitely high-status, although the girl was wearing more fitting clothes for a voyage across the ocean. His just looks stuffy and uncomfortable. Maybe they’re from a noble family? That would explain how they got the money for passage on the ship. But if so, shouldn’t there be at least one adult here with them? Even if they were running away from something,  _ probably their father, _ it would be stupid to go unsupervised. Unless they stole the money and ran, which was a feasible option too.

Well, whatever happened before, Oyumi hopes that they at least have family in Zeng Ju Village, or at least some kind of plan when they get there. 

~•~•~

The kid, Yun, is pretty adorable, in the kind of way that a baby leopard-hippo is. She has a temper, and glares at anyone who comes within three paces of her, but she’s still a little kid, barely half Ako’s height. She tries to be intimidating, but it’s so hard to be scared of her when her voice sounds that  _ young. _ But Ako still knows that she’ll grow up to be a terrifying force of nature, even if she  _ is _ all tiny and cute now.

Ako is not the type of person to do feelings, and it seems like Yun feels the same way.  _ Look at that, we  _ understand _ each other. _ After the first week on the ship, they get along pretty well, if pretty well means the kid only glares at her when Ako gets within  _ two _ feet of her, and they communicate with each other mainly through sarcasm and insults. Well, maybe they don’t get along  _ that _ well, but Ako still considers her something like a friend. 

A tiny, baby faced, grouchy, little-kid friend. Is that what having a little sister is like? Ako thinks maybe it is.

Yun and Li end up not spending too much time in their room. For the first two weeks of the voyage, Li is confined to the infirmary, and Yun spends most of her time there with them. Sometimes, when she stops by, she can hear them whispering in hushed tones, and once, she even heard one of them crying. She left without stopping in that time. 

Ako misses seeing Oyumi up on deck as much as she used to, now that she has a patient to take care of. Oyumi spends most of her time down at the infirmary now, too, teaching Yun the basics of caring for her brother, or making remedies to soothe him to sleep again. 

For the last week of the voyage, Li gets the go-ahead to start moving around again, and he starts  _ moving. _ Oyumi tries to get him to slow down again, but every time Ako finishes one of her shifts, he’s always doing something different, walking around on deck, talking to his sister, stealing crew members’ scrolls to read. From what she can tell, he mostly only talks to his sister, shying away anytime anyone else gets near him. 

Ako doesn’t blame him, especially with the burn across his face and the nightmares she can’t help but overhear whenever she sleeps in the infirmary with Oyumi.

Yun is even more fiercely protective of him once he starts wandering around. She yells at anyone who gets too close or moves too fast near her brother, and Ako has had to pull her away at least twice from fights with the other crew members. 

Ako got yelled at a  _ lot _ for that.

However prickly Yun is towards everyone else on the ship, she’s a lot nicer to Li. She especially seems really loyal to him, which isn’t really what Ako would’ve expected from someone with her personality. They get along pretty well, and they kind of balance each other out in a way. They both seem protective of each other, although Yun shows it a lot more loudly. Besides Oyumi, and sometimes Ako, they don’t let anyone touch them, but they seem to receive enough hugs and affection from each other.

Sometimes when Yun hugs him, Li gets a weird surprised look on his face that makes Ako wonder if they were always this close.

Ako worries about both of them. During the second week, Li confirmed that the siblings’ father gave him the burn. He doesn’t offer more information, and she doesn’t ask. She hopes that whoever he is, he doesn’t come looking for his children. Growing up in the colonies, she saw a lot of violent firebender parents, and she knows that this probably wasn’t an isolated incident. 

Yun has bandages on her arms when she first comes aboard the ship, and one time, Ako overhears her asking Oyumi for some burn salve for them. Ako wonders if that was their father, too. However it happened, it likely wasn’t good.

While the two kids act tough, she knows that they have a lot of baggage. Ako only hopes that they’ll have someone they trust to open up to. They’re good kids, they don’t deserve a life of misery.

By the end of the three week voyage, Ako is almost sad to see them go. Her and Oyumi help them carry their bags off at Zeng Ju, and Oyumi gives them some extra healing supplies for the burn wound. Ako slipped her shaving kit in there, just in case.

Then it’s time to go, and they say goodbye.

Ako and Oyumi both firmly  _ do not cry, _ these are strange children and they’ve faced much worse before, but their resolve breaks as they step off the ship with the kids and tears slide down both of their cheeks. No one hugs anyone else, although Yun gives Ako and Oyumi each a quick squeeze on the arm, which is more than she expected. 

It’s sweet. 

~•~•~

As they set sail away from the kids, Oyumi silently hopes that maybe she’ll see them again, stronger and more okay than before.

~•~•~

Azula steps on to the shore, holding onto Zuko’s arm like it’s a lifeline, watching the two weird women leave on the ship. They were both really nice, which isn’t what Azula expected, but she can’t say she was unhappy with it.

Looking around Zeng Ju with her brother, an unfamiliar town in an unfamiliar world, she’s determined to make something of her life here until…

Well, now she doesn’t know.

Her mother probably isn’t coming to get her. Her mother is probably dead.

They can’t go back to Father and the Fire Lord, not after what happened to Zuko.

They really don’t have any options but to start over. Azula kind of hopes that one day Father will drop dead and they can go back to the palace then.

But, for now, and for some time, they’ll have to make this place their home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: burn wounds, mentions of child abuse and violence, swearing
> 
> let me know if i missed anything
> 
> hey guys, as always, thank you so much for your comments and kudos, i really enjoy them a lot :)) 
> 
> this chapter is later than normal for a couple of reasons. one, i've been working on some other projects, and i'm also trying to learn to draw! (if anyone has any tips on how to start learning, i'd love some advice haha) two, i've been kind of drained. i tend to jump from obsession to obsession and atla was one of mine that i've been trying to hold onto to get things done haha. don't worry, i'm committing to this story, and i'm not planning on shortening it or ending it weirdly, it's just that some of my writing has been slower than normal lately, so sorry about that (updates might take a bit longer from here on out) :) my brain is Foggy right now, so concentrating is Not A Thing.
> 
> ANYWAY, i love these two ocs that i didn't even plan on creating. also, i headcanon(?) that the names yun and li are like the names bob and sally, apparently "common" names that rarely anyone Uses anymore. i don't know, i just liked that idea. (it was partly inspired by a textbook i read where it said the name chul-soo (철수) is used in a lot of textbook examples, but if you come across it in real life it sounds kind of like it's from a textbook? i'm not explaining that correctly but i thought it was interesting and something azula would do, not being outside of the palace that much.)
> 
> thank you guys for reading, i hope it was at least somewhat enjoyable haha :) my tumblr is @blueseakelp if you ever want to talk or just need a new friend!
> 
> please take care of yourselves and stay safe, and drink some water if you haven't in while! see you all next time :)
> 
> -ash


	8. Tale of Two Spirits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two kids alone in a village doing Somewhat Crime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alternate title for this chapter: sibling spirit shenanigans
> 
> this is more of a filler chapter, but i thought it was a fun idea. i think that i would probably be better at writing if i wrote in increments instead of trying to write a whole chapter in one go. 
> 
> i hope you enjoy, and trigger warnings are in the end notes!

Ozai knows what he wants. He has always known what he wants. 

When he agrees to kill his heirs, when he kills Ursa, when he kills Azulon, he  _ knows. _

Unlike his brother,  _ weak, a failure, _ Ozai does not  _ quit. _ He does not give up.

Ozai wants power,  _ sole power, _ and he deserves it. He will do anything to receive what should’ve been  _ his _ from the beginning.

The throne always should’ve been his birthright. Azulon was too blinded by his brother, his brother’s cowardice, that he didn’t see it.

A shame he’s not around to see his better son ascend the throne. 

Well, not really. He can rot for all Ozai cares.

In absence of Iroh, in absence of his heirs, Ozai is crowned. Finally, he has what he deserves.

_ It is not enough. _

He sits on the throne where Azulon once sat. His flames burn hot and high. He calls a meeting with his advisors.

They are terrified of the power he holds. They should be. They know it’s their heads if his requests are not carried out to perfection.

In the end, it’s a shame that it has to come to this. Zuko was weak, yes, but Azula was the perfect heir. 

The problem is, he no longer has a use for heirs. Ozai deserves sole power. Heirs only stand in the way. 

Ozai smiles as he gives the order.

“My children are cowards and traitors to the throne. Let’s bring them home.”

~•~•~

This town is a dump. Azula hates everything about it. 

For starters, everyone stares at her brother,  _ all the time. _ The soldiers stare in disgust and mothers hold their kids close as they walk past. Zuko took off the bandages during his last day on the ship, and the scar from his burn is still red and fresh. Everyone whispers loudly here at him when they think no one’s listening. Azula wants to punch them all in their stupid teeth.

And that’s another thing.  _ Everyone _ in Zeng Ju whispers and gossips, all the time, but it seems like they only know old news. For the first few days, all Azula hears about is Lu Ten’s death and Iroh’s retreat from Ba Sing Se.  _ Agni,  _ for a global empire, the Fire Nation really could stand to deliver mail more quickly. There’s something wrong if the hottest news is from  _ four weeks ago. _ Azula vows that if she ever takes the throne, that’ll be her first order of business. Or maybe she’ll just bully Zuzu into it.

Besides being generally annoying and stupid, no one in this town will take money from them, and no one lets them stay anywhere. Not even the  _ innkeeper. _ When he refused to let them stay the night, even after Azula offered him way more money than was worth a simple room, she finally snapped and yelled at him to his face. She doesn’t know why she and Zuko have been deemed so detestable, but whatever the reason, they’re outcasts in this town. It’s great.

Azula can tell that being here in Zeng Ju, hearing all the whispers about his scar and Lu Ten, being denied service, that everything has really gotten to Zuko. He tries not to show it, but Azula can tell from the way his shoulders slump while she’s trying to get someone to sell her food, when he thinks she’s not looking. He’s also been quieter, even quieter than when he was on the ship. Zuko really hasn’t talked much since he got his scar. Azula used to wish he would just shut up, but now she misses the endless stream of chatter. 

She constantly worries about him, but she tries to push it out of her mind. If she gets any angrier, she’s probably going to go blow up some cabbage stand.

~•~•~

Zuko hates Zeng Ju. He tries not to let it show, tries not to worry Azula, but the stress and the feelings of fatigue are hard to push away. Azula’s been really protective of him lately, and it makes him feel guilty.  _ He _ should be the one protecting  _ her, _ not the other way around. He’s the older one, the big brother, taking care of his little sister is his job now. 

He feels like a failure now more than he ever did before.

Waking up back on the ship was one of the worst experiences of his life, and Zuko’s still not quite over it. He knows that he’s been quieter lately, and that’s probably part of why Azula has been so stressed, but it’s not like he can  _ help _ it. Getting half of his face burned off and waking up to realize that his vision and hearing on one side of his face were all fuzzy and messed up didn’t do great things for his well being. Some days, it feels like the rest of his mind went fuzzy and tired along with the burnt half of his face. And the scar still hurts,  _ constantly, _ no matter how much pain medicine Zuko takes.

It doesn’t help that all of the townspeople outright  _ hate _ Zuko and Azula, and do nothing to conceal it. They stare at Zuko’s scar, they whisper about the both of them behind their backs, and worst of all, everyone in the entire town seems to have agreed not to sell to them, not to help them in any way. No one will tell the siblings why they hate them so much. Even his father gave him that.

It makes living there kind of miserable, at least at the start. The first night, they sleep tucked in an alleyway, using their bags as pillows. Waking up that morning, they decide that they are never going to do that again. Azula says that if the town hates them so much, maybe she and Zuko should just leave. Zuko doesn’t see any reason not to.

At first, they considered trying to find another village to stay in, but Zuko vetoed that idea. Even though Azula says that Mother is dead, he still refuses to believe it. After everything that happened, she can’t have just  _ died. _ Azula must’ve missed something. If,  _ when, _ she comes to get Zuko and Azula, they need to be  _ here. _

The two of them eventually set up camp in a small clearing just ten minutes from the village. Azula takes inventory of all the food and medicine, while Zuko tries to make a shelter and fire pit as best as he can. It’s uncomfortable, sleeping on the cold, hard ground, and it makes him appreciate how nice the beds in the palace were. 

Zuko finds that it’s not as warm in the colonies as the Caldera, and the cold seeps into his skin, especially his fresh scar. It makes it hard not to think about the burn, hard not to think about his father. There are so many things that he’s trying to push out of his head these days, but no matter how much he avoids them during the day, they always return in his nightmares. 

Perhaps one of the only upsides, besides not being dead, is how close he and Azula have gotten. For the longest time, Zuko had been so worried that his little sister would hate him forever, but it seems to be the opposite now. It’s so  _ weird _ to him, that Azula’s been almost  _ nice. _ Before, she would sneer at him and burn him in accidents that were way too frequent to be accidents, but now she lets him curl up to her for warmth and talks him down from nightmares. Zuko has even caught her stroking his fuzz of  _ hair _ when she thinks he’s asleep. For the first time in his life, she’s the only person he feels  _ safe _ with.

It’s nice, really nice, more than Zuko even wants to admit. Sometimes he wonders how long it will last before she inevitably realizes that her brother really  _ is _ all the things that she used to say about him, weak and stupid and a failure. But for now, he’s determined to cherish this time with his sister as much as he can.

~•~•~

Okay, if Azula thought that the village sucked, this is even worse. Sure, camping out secretly was fun for three days. Well, not  _ really. _ But after the storm last night that effectively ruined half of their remaining food supply, camping is no longer any fun at all. Azula was betting on all of that lasting for at least two weeks, but it seems like they’ve been cut down to a week and a half of supplies before they start either foraging or begging the citizens of Zeng Ju to let them just  _ buy _ something. Both of those sound like horrible options.

Azula curses the spirits, and then sends up a quick thanks to whichever ones care that she and Zuko are firebenders. They can still dry off their clothes and shelter and stay warm. In this giant mess, at least they’ll probably die from poisonous berries instead of hypothermia!

One day, a half-week after the storm, Azula has decided she’s had enough. This is ridiculous and she won’t stand for it. They’re almost through their food and medical supplies, they’ve tied together spare clothes to use for bedding, Zuko’s run out of the pain reliever and is constantly trying to stifle cries of pain,  _ the big dum-dum, _ and Azula is so,  _ so _ tired of living like this. They’re just sitting out here in the woods, acting helpless and stupid. 

She brings this up to Zuko around the fire one night. “We need more supplies, we need blankets, and you need pain reliever. I frankly don’t care what we have to do to get it,” she announces. 

Zuko blinks at her, once, twice, then responds. “What...are you suggesting?” 

“Theft,” Azula deadpans.

Zuko blinks again, surprised, and takes a minute to answer. “I can’t just...steal things from people? And won’t the villagers know it’s us? We don’t need to give them a reason to hate us more.”

Azula rolls her eyes. “They can’t hate us more than they do already, Zuzu. And if you feel so bad about it,” she sighs, “then I  _ suppose _ we can leave some of our coins behind after we steal stuff, you know, like a trade.”

Zuko hesitates. 

“Come  _ on, _ Zuzu. It will be fun!” Azula suddenly has a brilliant idea. She rushes over to both of their bags, rummaging through. She takes out both of the theater masks, and for good measure, both of their weapons. She shoves Zuko’s mask and dao into his arms and holds up her own mask and knife. “It’ll be just like your hero stories. The Blue Spirit and…” she pauses, not knowing what character her mask is. She looks expectantly at Zuko.

“The Black Spirit,” he supplies. His voice sounds strained.

_ How original. _ Azula bites back a laugh, trying not to offend Zuko, but something must show on her face because he crosses his arms and scowls. 

“Hey, it’s not that funny! They’re siblings, just like us, and those aren’t their real names. That’s just what everyone calls them, because of their faces. Their real names are Isao and Kei, they represent achievement and respect, and they go on cool adventures! It’s not stupid.”

“I didn’t say it was,” Azula protests. 

Zuko scowls. “Bet you were thinking it.”

Azula sighs. “Okay, that is not my  _ point. _ Don’t you think it would be fun to be the Blue and Black Spirits? We could finally get everything we needed, and we could spend quality time together. Please!” Azula looks up at her big brother. Quality time is his weak point, she knows, but she’s doing this for his own good. They really do need food and medicine, and a few nice things wouldn’t  _ hurt. _

Zuko pinches the bridge of his nose. She can tell he’s trying not to get excited about this, and she smiles smugly to herself.  _ One point to Azula. _ “ _ Fine, _ ” Zuko bites out. “But I’m still leaving money behind.”

Azula throws herself into her brother’s arms.  _ And when did  _ she _ get so excited about this idea? _ He awkwardly pats her back, a bit tense. “Thanks, Zuzu!” she says.

Zuko sighs again, but this time it’s with a soft smile.

~•~•~

Zuko thinks that this was probably a bad idea, but he’s also too excited to really care. His mother’s voice in his head still scolds him for stealing, but he elects to ignore it. Putting on a theater mask, using his dao again, sneaking around and going on secret adventures, and doing it  _ with _ his sister. All of it sounds like a dream come true.

He likes feeling excited and full of emotion again. Zuko hadn’t realized how much of an empty shell he had become until Azula got him all worked up about the masks and the stealing and stuff. For what feels like the millionth time in a week, Zuko finds himself really appreciating his sister.

Earlier today, Azula went to scout out the village again. She came back with a list of two places that they were going to break into, Ezum’s Clothing Emporium, and the Zeng Ju Market. They were going to be a bit trickier to get to than the myriad of carts and smaller shops, but Zuko had told Azula that he felt bad about clearing out one person’s whole supply. His sister had scoffed and rolled her eyes, but said something about easing his conscience and agreed to only stake out the larger stores.

Now, it’s nightfall and they’re getting ready to go. 

Zuko looks through his pile of clothes to find something suitable to wear for sneaking, ending up with a black, tight-fitting outfit, a long-sleeved shirt and pants. He goes to tie his hair back before remembering that it is not long enough anymore. He feels a glimmer of loss, not for the first time. He still wonders if Azula let the women on the ship cut it, and if so, why she did. Cutting that much hair off is usually a sign of cutting oneself off from one’s family or loyalties. 

Sometimes Zuko wonders whether he would’ve made the choice to cut it off. He might’ve, he thinks, but every time it crosses his mind he feels like a traitor.

Before pulling on his Blue Spirit mask, Zuko drapes his dual dao sheath over his back, allowing for easy access if he ends up needing them. He has his knife from Uncle strapped to his calf under his pant leg as usual, but he doesn’t think it would be of much use anyway. After tightening his sword sheath around his chest, he goes to put his mask on. He tries to tie it tight around his head, but the edges dig into his scar and make it sting. Zuko hisses in pain and tears it off completely.

Azula quickly walks over to him, a look of concern on her face. “What’s wrong?”

Zuko grits his teeth. “It’s nothing, really. Just my scar acting up a bit. It doesn’t really hurt that much.”

Azula frowns at him but walks away. Relieved that she dropped the subject, Zuko turns back to his theater mask. Biting his tongue so he doesn’t cry out in pain, he ties the mask’s ribbon securely behind his head. It still hurts, but this time he’s more prepared for the pain, so it’s okay. 

_ Really? _

_ Yes,  _ really! _ It is, it’s fine. _

Something hits the back of his head,  _ hard. _ It feels like a pebble.  _ Well, that hurt. _

“Hey!” Zuko spins to face his little sister, dangling strips of cloth in front of his face. Through the holes in the mask, he can see her scowl. 

“You’re a terrible liar, Zuzu. I can tell the mask is hurting you, so you’re going to put these bandages on and  _ not complain about it. _ ” She puts her hands on his shoulders and spins him around, quickly untying his theater mask and tossing it aside. His sister then wraps the soft cloth bandages around his head, covering the edges of the scar where the mask was rubbing against. 

When Azula’s done, Zuko puts his mask on once again. It does hurt a bit less. “Thanks, Lala.”

Azula raises an eyebrow. “Don’t be stupid. Take care of yourself, dum-dum.”

Zuko huffs out a laugh. “ _ Thanks, _ Lala.”

Already prepared to go, Azula picks up her own mask and secures it around her head. The Black Spirit.

Zuko didn’t realize that Mother gave them the twin spirit masks until Azula had shown him hers yesterday. It’s perfect for the two of them. More than just the fact that the Blue and Black spirits are siblings, like Zuko and Azula, the Black Spirit also represents Azula really well, when he thinks about it. 

The characters are both from a series of plays, Shaungbaotai Shen. The two spirits go on so many adventures, both separately and together. Zuko has always preferred Isao, the Blue Spirit. The Blue Spirit is mischievous but continually achieves great things and is often praised for his honor. 

But Kei, the Black Spirit, is different, more sneaky and skilled. She represents respect and excellence. She looks demure on the outside, but is powerful and often underestimated by her opponents. Zuko thinks that fits Azula well. 

Both of the spirits have cool spirit-powers that they use to get around and complete their journeys. Mother took Zuko to see one of the plays, only once, at a playhouse in the Caldera, and they had really cool effects for the spirit-powers. The whole performance was amazing, and what originally made Zuko love the Blue Spirit and Shaungbaotai Shen plays so much. It was a night just for the two of them. They snuck out to watch late at night without Father even knowing. Just thinking about it makes Zuko miss his mother.

Seeing Azula in the Black Spirit mask makes him silently vow to find her a theater scroll that she enjoys if it’s the last thing he does. 

Again, Zuko is excited and struck by how  _ awesome _ all of this is. He’s really going to get to do this, sneak around with his sister in Twin Spirit masks like heroes in a Shaungbaotai Shen play. 

Azula taps him on the shoulder lightly. “Are you ready to go, Zuzu?” 

He nods, smiling under his mask.

~•~•~

Azula doesn’t remember becoming so pathetic. And yet, here she is,  _ enjoying _ this stupid little escapade, playing dress-up with her big brother. 

They already broke in and out of Ezum’s Clothing Emporium, to grab a few blankets. It was easy. Obviously, whoever ‘Ezum’ was, they didn’t have trust issues  _ whatsoever. _ Azula and Zuko were able to walk in the unlocked back door, and straight out again. Zuko kept watch by the door while Azula shoved three blankets in the bag from her mother. She then counted out the proper cost of the blankets and left it on top of the counter, because  _ Zuko insisted. _

Agni, Azula was going soft.

She had half expected the Zeng Ju Market building to be the same. It was about the same size as the clothing store, and from the look of it, it didn’t have any security patrolling on the outside. An easy target.

The owner of this store had at least been smart enough to keep all the doors locked, so Zuko and Azula slid through a window. (Azula argued that they should’ve just bust down the door, or at least picked the lock, but Zuko thought it was cooler to go in through the window.  _ The dramatic dum-dum. _ )

This time, neither of them stood guard. Azula had rummaged through the medicine, while Zuko tiptoed around the store and stuffed his bag with dried foods and small bags of rice. Everything was going smoothly.

_ Until it wasn’t. _

In hindsight, Azula probably should’ve checked that there were no other entryways to the shop besides the front and back entrance. That would’ve been smarter. Maybe then, she would’ve been prepared for people to come barging in from the side room that she hadn’t noticed.

But here she is, just as much of a dum-dum as her brother.

Azula stands at the back of the market, caught in the light of a glowing lamp. Her eyes squeeze shut at the brightness of it, caught completely off guard. Luckily, the two men who have entered the room seem just as shocked to see the two siblings stealing from them if their jaws hanging open are enough indication.

Azula has just enough time to hiss, ‘ _ Run!’ _ loudly at her brother before the people start moving toward them. Zuko seems intent on standing there like a kanga-deer caught in the moonlight, so Azula runs toward him and grabs his arm, dragging him to the window. After a moment, he seems to get the hint, and using Azula for support, gets up and out of the window. He reaches for her hand to pull her up, but by this time the two men have come up right behind her. Zuko pulls with all his strength, but the men grab her legs and pull harder, harder, until she’s tumbling back down onto the wooden floor.

Azula looks frantically back up to the window. Zuko’s mask stares blankly at her for a moment, and Azula wishes she could read his face to know what he’s thinking. Suddenly, he’s gone from her sight. She panics.  _ Is he going to leave her here, all alone? _

One of the men says something to the other and walks outside with his sword unsheathed, probably looking for Zuko. He comes back in quickly, visibly confused. “The mask guy, he just...vanished,” the man says, scratching his head. The other one furrows his eyebrows. 

“That’s not possible, not in that amount of time,” he insists. “I’ll go out and look again. You stay with this one.” 

As soon as he’s out the door, the man with the sword turns to Azula, pointing it at her. “You,” he says. “Take off your mask, thief.” 

Azula firebends at him. A small flame catches on the side of his sleeve and he quickly pats it out while Azula runs at the door. Sword-man curses and runs toward her, swinging wildly. She’s fast, but with his longer legs he’s faster, and he beats her to the door. Azula firebends at him, trying to avoid his jabs at her, but it turns out to be incredibly hard to fight a solid metal sword with her fire, especially during the night. 

She grits her teeth and tries to get to the door, but she definitely doesn’t have the upper hand here, and she's expending all her energy on fighting with Sword-man. Azula resolves to finally force Zuko to teach her how to use her knife when she gets back to camp. Another weapon would  _ really _ be helpful right about now. Or help of some kind. That would be nice.

Someone, somewhere, must be listening to her, because just as she narrowly misses getting one of her arms chopped clean off, Sword-man gets hit by something in the back of the head, and turns away from Azula sharply. The something is one of her brother’s swords, and Azula nearly melts from relief.  _ So he  _ was _ coming back for me, after all. _ Zuko beckons a hand at her, towards the door. 

Azula sends one quick fireblast at Sword-man out of spite and then barrels away with her brother. “Let’s get out of here!” she bursts out loudly. He nods at her as they run. 

As they get out of the market, Azula sees the other man from the shop, knocked out on the ground. She briefly thinks that he’s going to have an enormous headache tomorrow. As they get further from the store, Azula hears heavy footsteps coming after them and suspects that Sword-man has recovered enough to chase them. She tugs on Zuko’s arm to  _ go faster, _ but apparently, their sibling telepathy skills are not up to standard because he  _ stops,  _ right there in the middle of the town. Azula sucks in an irritated breath through her teeth. 

“May I ask, what the  _ fuck _ are you doing? We’re in the middle of a chase!”

Zuko riffles through his bag for a second before coming up with a small pouch. It takes Azula a second to realize what it is. She groans, hand coming up to pinch the bridge of her nose before remembering her mask. “No. Nonono,  _ why are you like this? _ ” 

Zuko stares at her through the smiling mask, as if trying to say,  _ We had a  _ deal, _ Lala. _

Azula wants to bang her head against a tree. “Agni, fine! If it means so much to you, then throw it at Sword-man as we run, but I’d like to remind you that we’re supposed to be  _ running. _ ”

Zuko seems to decide that her idea is acceptable. He turns around sharply and hurls the entire money bag at the man chasing after them. “Sorry!” he calls quietly, before turning around and taking off with Azula. 

She rolls her eyes as they run. “You’re such an idiot,” she pants out. “I don’t understand your preoccupation with being  _ nice. _ ”

“Well, I’m sorry for being nice, I guess,” Zuko mumbles, and for some reason it makes Azula erupt with laughter. After a moment, Zuko starts laughing too, clutching his stomach as he runs.

By the time they get back to camp, the siblings are both out of breath from the laughter and the exercise, collapsing on the floor and panting for breath.

“That was fun,” Azula finally exhales. 

Zuko laughs again. “Yeah,” he admits, his tone soft. “It was.”

She turns her face to him, still covered by her theater mask. “I really am going to need you to teach me how to use my knife, though.”

~•~•~

Zuko has been having an almost unprecedented amount of fun, lately. After their whole spirit-mask-adventure-thing, his mood has lightened a lot, and he’s determined to enjoy it while he can.

He and Azula don’t talk about it much, but they spend a lot of time together now, doing activities. Most of the time, they spar against each other. Sometimes they firebend, but Azula is working on her knife practice right now, and Zuko knows that his knife skills could use a lot of work. His knife from Ba Sing Se and Azula’s one from their mother are well-matched, about the same size and shape. At first, they were only fighting against each other, but then Azula had the brilliant idea of learning to  _ throw _ their knives, so now half of their time is spent trying to hit various targets.

Zuko also frequently runs through his sword katas, twisting and turning and generally enjoying the feel of the blades balanced in his hands. He cuts through the woods around them, trying to hone his precision as he jumps and cuts down leaves and branches. 

After their exploits at the market, Zuko also has more food and pain reliever, and his scar usually feels more numb than agonizing now. He’s still determined not to look at himself in the mirror, though, he doesn’t know if he could bear seeing the giant angry blotch that must be on his face.

The two don’t go back into town for another week, but eventually, they run out of medicine again. Zuko claims that he doesn’t need it anymore, but Azula doesn’t stop bothering him about it, so he finally agrees to get some more, for her sake. As much as Zuko wants to have another spirit adventure with Azula, he uses his Big Brother Superior Judgement to insist that they at least see if the townspeople have warmed up to them. He can’t keep stealing if there’s a chance that he could just buy things instead, it’s not honorable.

Zuko thinks that maybe he should stop hoping for things so much.

The townspeople have not warmed up to them, if anything, they’re outright hostile now. Within the first few minutes of arriving, already two people have approached them, one calling them ‘demon children’, and the other telling them, in much less polite terms, to get out of their town. 

Azula nearly sets something on fire. Zuko has to grab her hand and squeeze it to remind her that  _ they’re in a very flammable wooden village, and it would be preferable not to be involved in property damage this morning. _ Azula huffs angrily but calms down, just enough to scoff at him.

“See, I told you so. These people  _ hate _ us, nothing is going to change their minds. We should get out of here.”

At that moment, Zuko hears something that catches his ear, makes him freeze and stop listening to Azula’s ranting.

_ Fire Lord Ozai. _

He’s sure that someone just said it, and he listens harder, trying to pick up on the conversation. Was it just a trick of his–wait. No. There it was again.

_ Fire Lord Ozai. _

And again.

_ Fire Lord Ozai. _

Zuko feels like he’s going to be sick. He tugs on Azula’s sleeve harshly. “We need to leave, now.”

“That’s what I’ve been  _ saying, _ ” Azula turns to him, exasperated, but stops when she catches sight of his face. “Alright, let’s go.”

Zuko stumbles back to camp, almost tripping over his feet multiple times. Finally, they get there, and Azula sits Zuko down firmly, standing in front of him with her arms crossed. 

“Okay, you  _ need _ to tell me what’s wrong,” she says, imploringly. 

Zuko looks up but doesn’t meet her eyes. He feels shaken, like he’s just seen a ghost.

“I have to go back home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: mentions of an injury, implied child abuse
> 
> let me know if i missed anything!
> 
> thank you guys all so much for the comments and kudos! they make me so happy haha :)
> 
> i wanted to do something fun with the masks, so here’s a bit of that. also, shaungbaotai shen roughly translates to ‘twin spirits’ if written in chinese, but i don’t actually speak chinese. all of the language and names i’m doing are created just through some surface research, so it may be incorrect, sorry about any inaccuracies!
> 
> also, i know that there have been a lot of chapters leading up to the south pole, but i promise we’re getting there soon! thanks for sticking around :)
> 
> if you ever want to talk, or need a new friend, my tumblr is @blueseakelp
> 
> thank you all for reading! please stay safe, drink some water and get some rest! see you all next time :)
> 
> -ash


	9. As I Relive My Beginnings I Encounter My End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fire siblings make bad decisions and have feelings. This progresses the plot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow don't you just love my summaries? so articulate.
> 
> the Babies just keep getting angsty, i'm sorry 
> 
> i hope you enjoy, and trigger warnings will be in the end notes!

Azula stares at Zuko in shock. 

_ I have to go back home. _

“Okay, Zuzu, what the  _ fuck? _ ” Azula seethes.

“Azula!” Zuko scolds.

“No, really, I’d  _ love _ to know exactly what you were thinking when those words just came out of your mouth!” Azula yells.

“Lala–” Zuko starts, but Azula isn't finished.

“Oh  _ no, _ you don’t get to  _ Lala _ me.” She jabs a finger at his chest. “You need to go  _ back? _ To the  _ Fire Nation? _ To our father who tried to  _ kill us,  _ and actually  _ did _ kill our mother?”

Zuko stands up, fists clenched and eyes flashing. “Our  _ mother _ isn’t dead!” he shouts.

Azula shouts back at him, just as loud. “She is! Mother is dead, gone, deceased,  _ no longer with us. _ Just because you can’t trust me for longer than five seconds doesn’t mean I’m not telling the truth!”

“Oh really? I wonder why! After all, it’s not as if you’ve lied to me before, I must be mistaking you for some other little sister. You’ve caused me constant pain in the past, how am I  _ supposed _ to trust that you’re not doing it now?!”

Azula digs her fingers into her palms to keep from saying something she’ll regret. “That’s a mean thing to say and you know it. You’ve seen how hard I’m trying to be different, and for your information, all of this ‘being nice’ stuff doesn’t exactly come  _ easy _ to me! Tell me, since you’ve made up your mind that I’m so untrustworthy: when was the last time I lied to you?”

Zuko grits his teeth. “Oh, I don’t know, maybe  _ just now _ when you told me that Mother died?”

Azula throws her hands in the air. “I don’t know how to make you believe me! Mother. Is. Dead. What more do you want me to say? And besides, I don’t think you’re the leading authority on all of this, seeing as you were  _ unconscious _ when it happened.”

Zuko’s eyes widen in fury. “Oh, and I bet you think that’s  _ my _ fault, huh? ‘Oh no, stupid little Zuko got half his face burned off by his father for being a pathetic excuse for an heir–’”

“Shut  _ up! _ ” Azula roars, on the brink of tears. “ _ How dare you _ accuse me of blaming you for your scar, and how dare you even think that about yourself! I’m not trying to hurt you, all I’ve done lately is try to help you!” She reaches her hand out as if to soothe her brother, but he pushes her away roughly.

“Well if you really aren’t lying,” he says bitingly, with a cold note to his voice, “then tell me  _ this: _ did you actually  _ see _ our Mother’s dead body? Did you feel her pulse and pronounce her dead? Did you see her eyes go unfocused and feel her skin go cold?”

Azula feels herself shaking. “Zuko, Zuko  _ stop. _ ”

He doesn’t let up. “Did you see Father strike her down? Did he burn her like he burned me? Was it slow and painful? Did–”

“ _ Enough! _ ” Azula screams. “ _ No, _ I didn’t see her die, alright? I didn’t see her dead body, I didn’t see Father as he killed her!” Tears start to spill over and stream down her face. “Zuko–”

“I didn’t think so.” Zuko turns away, but she can see his own shoulders start to shake.

“I’m not lying, Zuko,” Azula says with wobbly desperation in her voice. “You know Father. He’s ruthless. He would’ve killed me and you if he could, and he wouldn’t stop at Mother.” She rubs at her eyes furiously. “Can’t you see? I’m trying to protect you! There’s no way that Mother could’ve survived, and I’m trying to spare you the pain. It’s useless to hope. Things just  _ are _ the way that they are, you can’t change that.”

“Yeah, well maybe I don’t  _ need _ you trying to protect me, ever thought of that?” Zuko shoots back. He turns as if to say something more, then shakes his head. “You know what, no. This conversation is stupid, and you’re not going to change my mind by trying to lie and manipulate me into staying here. I’m leaving for the Fire Nation as soon as I can, and I’m going to be there for Mother and make sure she doesn’t die for real. I’m going to leave with or without you; you make your own choice. Do you want to be loyal to Mother, or would you rather stay in your fantasy world where you finally have me all to yourself?”

Azula feels betrayed. “None of this is about me  _ keeping _ you like some sort of  _ possession! _ I’m trying to make you see reason. What happens when you go back and you find out that Mother really did die? What happens when Father decides that burning half of your face off wasn’t enough? You know as well as I do that we’d never get out of there for a second time, and I don’t want you to throw away Mother’s sacrifice all because you can’t face reality! You’re the one living in a fantasy, and I think that it’s selfish!”

“Oh, and Agni forbid that I ever be  _ selfish _ for once in my life! You don’t understand, you were the perfect child, the prodigy, and you got Father’s love! You never had to be selfish, you got everything you wanted anyway, and yet you still were! You say that you’re trying to change, but it still seems like everything just has to be about  _ you, _ and whatever  _ you _ think. If  _ you _ say I need pain reliever, then I just have to take it! If  _ you _ want to steal from people, great, let’s do it! If  _ you _ decide that we never get to go back home, I, apparently, am required to blindly follow that! I don’t care if you think you’re doing something good by trying to protect me, I’m not stupid and weak and I’m not yours to control and keep safe! I can take care of myself just fine without you babying me all the time!”

Azula feels fury overtake her once more. “Okay,  _ no, _ I’m not going to sit and let you accuse me of things that aren’t my fault. You  _ agreed _ to the stealing, and if I remember correctly, you even said you enjoyed it! I didn’t  _ force _ you to go along, and you’re not allowed to put that all on me! If you have a problem with things, then maybe you should stand up for yourself, or at least voice your own needs and opinions. Oh, but wait, I forgot you’re completely incapable of that! Why do you think I make you take pain reliever? If I thought you would take it by yourself, then I’d probably just leave that alone! But you’ve shown time and time again that you’re too stubborn to admit that you need help! Get this through your thick skull:  _ I am not okay with seeing you suffer. _ I don’t care if you think I’m lying, it’s the truth and one day I’m going to finally make you accept it! Everything I do, I do so that you don’t have to suffer in silence because you  _ can’t take care of yourself. _ And that’s the real truth, you say that you can handle being on your own just fine, but you’d let yourself die and then claim you  _ deserved _ it! I do not give a single fuck how capable you think you are of taking care of yourself, I’m still going to do it because I want you to be okay and  _ I love you, _ you dum-dum!”

Zuko blinks in shock, and Azula realizes what she just said. She mentally goes to panic mode, before roughly brushing it aside and feeling determination take its place.  _ No. _ She means this, and she’s going to say it without being a coward. “I  _ love _ you, Zuko. I love you.”

Zuko blinks again. “I–I love you too, Lala.” His face softens, but then returns to its earlier resolve. “I love you, but I’m still going back. I can’t live not knowing. You can’t change my mind. I want you to come with, but I’m going to go whether you agree or not. Like I said before, you can make your own decision.” Then, without another word, he picks up his swords and walks off into the dense greenery, leaving Azula spluttering.

She feels the unfamiliar sensation of soul-crushing  _ hurt _ bubbling up within her. She can’t help but wonder what she did wrong, why Zuko  _ still _ won’t believe her, even after she put herself out there like that. Azula tries to tell herself that it was Zuko’s fault, that he should’ve just believed her from the start, but in the end, it’s not his fault, is it?  _ He only reacted like that because  _ you _ hurt him and lost his trust. Just because you’re trying to change doesn’t mean that he owes you anything. All of it is your own fault. _ She hears the stinging thoughts at the back of her mind and does nothing to stop them from flooding her head. The only person she can be disappointed in is herself. Obviously, she hasn’t been trying hard enough, she hasn’t been doing good enough. 

It doesn’t mean his rejection doesn’t hurt, though.  _ He probably didn’t even really mean it when he said he loved you. You’re a fool to think that anyone really could. Have you forgotten that you’re a monster?  _

Azula doesn't quit. Even if she doesn’t ever stand a chance at receiving Zuko’s love, she’s not going to stop protecting him, even if she dies doing it. She owes it to him, after all the hurt she’s caused in the past, and besides, she really does love him. Maybe love from a monster doesn’t count for anything, but Azula would like to think that it could.

And although everything inside of her screams that her mother is dead, Zuko does have a point. She never saw Mother die, nor her dead body. There’s always a chance that she could still be alive.  _ After that betrayal? She’s not and you know it. _ However futile it might seem, she has to indulge Zuko if she doesn’t want to lose him for good.

Against all of her better judgement, she grabs her bag and starts packing.

~•~•~

When Zuko picks up his swords and walks away, he doesn’t really have a plan, as usual. He’s just angry. More than angry, if he’s honest, the whole conversation had heated him up inside and made him remember how furious he used to get. He doesn’t know what he was thinking, laying so many of his insecurities out there like that, and it’s hard to shake the thought that Azula’s going to come back and use that against him.

It makes him feel guilty to think it. Like Azula said, she’s done nothing but help Zuko while they’ve been out here, and just now, she even told him that she  _ loved  _ him. It’s the first time he can remember her saying it since they started firebending lessons. But at the same time, it’s just so hard to put his trust in her. It makes Zuko angry at himself, not trusting his sister in this moment, because it’s what he’s been doing for the past few weeks. He doesn’t see why he should suddenly have doubts  _ now. _

He suspects that part of it has to do with Mother. Every time Azula mentions her death, it feels like someone stabbed him in the chest. Even though he knows deep down that Azula’s just trying to be realistic, Zuko can’t shake the part of him that needs to go back and see for himself. She needs to be alive, he thinks, because if she’s not, it means that she sacrificed everything and his father  _ still _ got what he wanted.

_ Fire Lord Ozai. _

It’s the same reason he wishes Azula would stop protecting him so much;  _ Zuko _ is the one who’s supposed to be doing the protecting. After all,  _ he _ is the reason she ever went through this in the first place. Zuko doubts that his father would agree to his children’s deaths so easily if it wasn’t for Zuko dragging down Azula with his own failings. If his mother is dead, that means she’s just another person who Zuko failed to protect, more proof that Zuko is just as weak and worthless as Father always said he was. 

And even more, Zuko realizes, if his mother died protecting them, the last memory she might have of Zuko is him being pathetic, unconscious with a fresh burn wound that he earned for being a failure of a prince.

Zuko can’t accept that to be true. He thinks it might crush him completely.

That’s why he has to leave. If there’s a chance that Mother is alive, he needs to take it and take it  _ now. _ Zuko needs to go back to the Fire Nation, to protect his mother as she protected him. 

He slashes his swords around, making clean marks in the trees. Zuko’s gotten better at using his swords since they were first returned to him, or at least he hopes so. Training with them out here has been nice; he’s gotten a chance to refine his skills again. He had really missed using his dual dao back at the palace. 

Using his swords makes Zuko think of the knife strapped to his leg, which inevitably makes him think of Azula. He can’t stop feeling bad about everything he said to her earlier. Out here in Zeng Ju, even though everyone hated them, he’d had a lot of fun with her. Acting like the Twin Spirits, practicing with their knives together, staring quietly up at the stars, it made Zuko realize how much fun his sister could be. He really likes having a sibling that cares about him. And Zuko didn’t mean it when he said that the reason she didn’t want him to go back home was probably because she wanted him all to herself. He doesn't believe that Azula has some mastermind plan. Azula had proven over these past few weeks that she wasn’t faking her love, and that’s what she had said, right? That she loves him. Just because Zuko still fears everyone realizing how worthless he is, how little he deserves their love, that doesn’t mean that it’s fair to be upset at  _ Azula _ about it. Zuko’s already forgiven Azula for what she’s done to him in the past, now it’s time that he starts trusting her more. 

At the same time, he still can’t stay here knowing that Mother could be alive and in danger from their father. Zuko acknowledges that he was too angry for the conversation, and the way he asked her about it was mean, and he  _ will _ apologize later, when he gets back to camp, but all the same, Azula  _ admitted _ that she hadn’t seen Mother dead. That counts for something, in Zuko’s mind, and he’s not about to let go of that. And Zuko has left it up to Azula whether she wants to follow him. Whatever Azula’s decision is, Zuko tries to tell himself, it will be for the best. Selfishly, he hopes that she’ll go with him, even though it will probably be dangerous for them both. 

If she does what’s practical and stays behind, at least she won’t have to put up with Zuko anymore, and she’ll be safe.

Zuko finishes with his swords, hot and panting, the anger inside him quelled for now. He’ll go back to camp and apologize to Azula, for everything he said, and then he’ll make a plan to go find his mother.

~•~•~

When Zuko gets back to the camp, he’s surprised to see Azula packing up her things. He thought that she’d be angrier with him, but maybe he was wrong. 

“Hey, Azula,” he starts, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. She turns around, her eyes widened in what almost looks like panic, but quickly schools her face into a neutral expression. 

“As you can see, I’ve decided to go with you,” she says, a haughty lilt to her voice. “You obviously need someone to stop you from doing something  _ idiotic, _ and I doubt you even have a plan.”

Zuko’s temper flares in annoyance. “I’m not stupid just because I can’t plan things as well as you,” he bites out.

Azula’s lips quirk up in amusement, and even though she’s shorter it feels like she’s looking down on him. “Is that what I  _ said, _ Zuzu?”

“No, but you impl–” Zuko takes a breath to calm himself. “Nevermind. That’s not why I’m here. I came to apologize, for earlier. I said a lot of things that I didn’t mean and it wasn’t fair to you to–”

“Honestly, Zuko,” Azula cuts him off, turning her back to finish packing. “You should know by now that a prince never apologizes. If you’re going to be a prince again, you should probably start acting like it.”

“I know, Azula, but you’re my sister and–”

“Agni, would you shut  _ up _ already? I don’t care. Now  _ please, _ make yourself useful and start packing? I have a plan, but for it to work we need to be out of here by nightfall.”

Zuko swallows, a bit hurt, but starts organizing the remaining supplies into bags. “Yeah, uh, sure, Lala.”

“And don’t call me that.”

~•~•~

Azula tries her best to stay aloof and unbothered, but when Zuko apologizes it just  _ gets _ to her. She knows it’s fake, she  _ knows, _ but she can’t help but wish it wasn’t. Her eyes well up and she has to turn her back to keep him from seeing. Just because she’s not worthy of his love doesn’t mean she doesn’t crave it with everything in her being.

Staying out here with Zuko in Zeng Ju has made her soft, too soft. It’s unbecoming. Two months ago, none of this would’ve bothered Azula, but now it’s reduced her to acting like a stupid crybaby. This weakness isn’t acceptable if she has plans to go back to the Fire Nation. Besides, she should be the one protecting her brother; it’s  _ her _ fault that he went through so much pain at the hands of their father, it’s up to her to fix it now without expecting some kind of stupid  _ love _ in return. 

A part of Azula thinks she always knew that she would have to go back. The few weeks since their escape had been too good to be true, to last. She still doesn’t want to return. Azula is scared of what might happen, what Father could do to them. She also knows that while she’s a brilliant liar, she’s never been good at acting. There’s no way that she could fake her loyalty to their father again, not with how vehemently she still hates him at the moment. Azula’s worried that Father will see her need to protect Zuko, and then decide to do something even worse than burning half of his face off.

Azula can’t do that to him.

But she also can’t lose him by staying behind.

By now, she should know to do the selfless thing, to protect Zuko at any cost. Staying in Zeng Ju would make him safer. Going with him, no matter how she tries to frame it, puts him more at risk. 

Zuko was right when he said that Azula is selfish. She’s doing the selfish thing now.

Everything inside of her still hurts. She rejects her brother’s apology with carefully sharpened words. She diligently avoids his touch for the rest of the night, not willing to get sucked back into her fantasies of a life with her brother.

~•~•~

It’s a cold dance, both of them avoiding each other, both of them hurting, both of them trying not to get too attached to love that they don’t think they deserve.

~•~•~

They each decide to only take what fits in their bags from their mother. If they’re going to stow away on a Fire Nation ship, they can’t be weighed down by extra supplies. They carefully measure out enough food and water to last them the three-week passage, if they ration it right. They leave everything they don’t take at the doorstep to the Zeng Ju Market. It’s over half of their medicine, food, and leftover money. Zuko insists. Azula sees no reason to let it go to waste.

They sneak onto the ship later that night, hiding behind some bulky crates.

~•~•~

_ Did you hear? There’s a new Fire Lord now. _

_ Prince Iroh? _

_ No, Fire Lord Ozai. _

_ Fire Lord Ozai? But how? He wasn’t first in line for the throne, was he? _

_ I guess his father and his wife both died on the same night, and Prince Iroh hasn’t been seen either. My relatives say that some people think Fire Lord Ozai did it, but there’s no one left to challenge him. _

_ What about his children? I thought he had a son and a daughter. _

_ Well, here’s the thing, they both vanished, the same night as everyone else. Fire Lord Ozai has ordered them to be brought back to the palace. The official story for all of this is that kidnappers broke in and took the two children. On their way out, they assassinated Fire Lord Azulon and Princess Ursa, but Fire Lord Ozai was able to stop them from assassinating him. The late Fire Lord named Prince Ozai his heir because Prince Iroh was nowhere to be found. Now Fire Lord Ozai wants his children back. They have a hefty reward for their return. _

_ I don’t know...the story sounds probable. _

_ Yeah, but no one believes it. Everyone still thinks that the Fire Lord killed his family and his children ran away. _

_ I feel bad for them if it’s true. I mean, if they really ran away and someone catches them, who knows what could happen if they’re forced to go back? _

~•~•~

It only figures that they wouldn’t even last a full day without getting caught. Their luck probably just wasn’t good enough for a second voyage, Azula thinks. Still, as the crewmen drag her and Zuko and their luggage from out behind the crates, Azula regrets getting on the ship and leaving Zeng Ju more than ever. This was a completely stupid idea. Azula should’ve fought tooth and nail to stay back in the colonies, and now they’re both going to get thrown overboard and  _ die. _

Azula is aware that she has been suffering from a severe lack of judgement over the past month, but this is the absolute peak. She has the strong urge to bang her head against the nearest wall, but that isn’t going to be happening anytime soon, with the crew members restraining her and Zuko.

The captain is a nasty man, just like the crewmen that found them. He sneers down at them patronizingly, and his face would be smashed in if Azula could move her arms. She settles for yelling at him to release her and Zuko, but all that earns her is a harsh slap to the face. It stings.

“Go through their bags,” the captain says, waving his hand dismissively. The man with their bags turns them over and shakes them roughly, watching the contents fall out. The captain regards them with little interest, smashing the food that Azula so meticulously packed carelessly between his boots without a second thought, toeing through the contents, ruining their clothes. Her fists smoulder, which earns Azula a kick from the crew member holding her wrists.

“Watch it,” she hisses out warningly. She gives Azula another kick for good measure.

The only things the captain sets aside until the end are the Twin Spirit masks, which he places on a table beside the dual dao that had been taken from Zuko when the siblings were discovered. Azula is thankful that he didn’t destroy them. Small mercies. At least the captain is done searching their bags.

She thought too soon.

Just as everything fell from their bags and Azula thinks they’re done looking through her and Zuko's things, the captain snatches them back. He runs his hands through the bags, presumably trying to find secret pockets for hidden possessions. Azula’s first thought is,  _ It’s a good thing that we don’t have any of those. _

Her second thought, when she remembers, is simple.  _ Fuck.  _

Because now, right there in front of everyone, the captain has just pulled out her royal hairpiece. Azula remembers something that her tutors once said about it, that replicating its exact design is an offense punishable by death. High treason against the throne. Even in plays, none of the royal headpieces are ever accurate. No one is in the mood to be executed for impersonation of the royal family.

Sadly, this crown is the exact design.

So now, either the captain knows who they are or believes that she and Zuko are high-level traitors. Azula is not sure which is worse.

After finding her crown, the captain goes through Zuko’s bag, finding yet another crown.  _ And a stupid fancy inkbrush, why in Agni’s name did Zuko even bring that anyways? _

With these new discoveries, the captain turns to Azula and Zuko. He holds out the offending items and his face twists into an ugly smile. Azula tilts her head and sees Zuko scrunch his eyes shut, as if this will all disappear when he opens them again.

“So, the rumors are true then,” the captain starts. “I was certainly skeptical, the Fire Lord’s only children running away from the palace? It didn’t seem likely. But I now stand corrected. Although I’d never have guessed that not only would the only heirs to the throne flee like cowards, they’d also steal priceless artifacts from the palace.”

“We’re not a part of the royal family!” Azula protests, but the captain merely raises an eyebrow.

“Oh, aren’t you? I wasn’t aware that Azula and Zuko were such popular names these days.”

_ Fuck, the embroidered names. _ Who knew that such a beautiful gift would come back to haunt them? Just like the headpieces, no one is allowed to replicate the royal family’s names. More treason. 

This encounter is quickly making Azula realize how many things are treason in the Fire Nation. It’s not exactly an advantage, being runaways and all. Although now Azula and Zuko are going back, so she doesn’t know if that technically makes them runaways anymore.

This is such a fucking mess.

“Show them to the cells,” the captain says, clearly done with this conversation. He leers at them one last time. “Your father will be so  _ pleased _ to see you, and I’ll be so pleased with the reward he gives me. It's a perfect trade.”

Azula seethes as she’s dragged out of the room.

~•~•~

Zuko feels so stupid. He should’ve listened to Azula, maybe then they wouldn’t be sitting in a makeshift cell with their hands and legs in tight shackles. 

It doesn’t help that they’ve somehow silently vowed not to talk to each other, and Zuko’s too stubborn to be the first one to break the tension in the air.

He wanted to go back to the Fire Nation to protect Mother so badly, but he never even stopped to consider what Father would do to  _ them. _ Last time Zuko saw him, he got half of his face burnt off and almost died. Also, if the captain is telling the truth and there really is a reward for bringing them back to the Fire Nation even though Fire Lord Azulon is dead now, then whatever Father has in store is probably not great.

Not for the first time, Zuko bangs his head back against the wall. _What was he_ thinking? He’s never been the one who plans things and thinks things through. Even in Zeng Ju, that person was always Azula. He again regrets pushing her into going with him, and he really regrets not hearing her out all the way.

Yet again, no matter what he tries to do, everything that can go wrong seems to go wrong, and Zuko has only himself to blame.

He lets his head fall back against the metal wall again, wincing a bit. 

“ _ Stop that. _ ”

Zuko turns his head to Azula, but she isn’t looking at him. She’s staring straight ahead at the door to the prison, looking very empty.

He sets his head against the wall softly this time. Zuko closes his eyes, hoping to at least get some sleep before whatever is going to come next. 

He hadn’t realized just how tired he was until he’s already drifting off into unconsciousness. 

~•~•~

The next time Zuko opens his eyes, it’s to the door creaking open, and a large figure looming over him and Azula. 

He’d love to say that he doesn’t scream, but he can’t help the small yelp that escapes him.

For once, he wonders, would it be so difficult for something to work in his favor?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: mentions of injury, death, and child abuse, self-hate
> 
> let me know if i missed anything!
> 
> thank you guys so much for all the comments and kudos! you are all amazing and i smile so hard at my screen every time i see them <3
> 
> oof i keep putting my babies through Hurt. they both deserve better, and luckily, they're going to get it! (very soon, i promise this is the last chapter before we get to the south pole.) i don't know how i feel about this chapter. are my thoughts coherent? i honestly can't tell.
> 
> also, school started today and i have so many feelings about that. i could probably rant for hours, but to sum: there are great things, and there are terrible things, and i wish i was an adult. highkey i hate my dad more than usual right now too, but that's a whole other tangent >:(
> 
> if you ever need a new friend, or someone to talk to, come find me! my tumblr is @blueseakelp (i learned how to link, i think? what excitement)
> 
> as always, please stay safe, get some sleep, drink some water, and take care of yourselves, especially if you have school starting! please try not to stress yourselves out too much, you're all wonderful and deserve the best! see y'all next time :)
> 
> -ash


	10. The One Luxury I Cannot Afford Is a Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fire siblings drift across the ocean in a boat...but who’s that in the other boat? *gasp* PLOT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys! this is later than i hoped but School Things. enjoy this gem(?) 
> 
> as always, trigger warnings will be in the end notes!

While Zuko has been busy making Azula  _ worry _ about him by banging his head against the metal walls, Azula has been doing something decidedly more productive. The crew on this ship, the absolutely incompetent crew, had opted  _ not _ to search her and Zuko for weapons, besides the glaringly obvious swords strapped to his back. Azula still had the knife from her mother strapped to her leg under her long tunic, and she’s pretty sure that Zuko has the one from Uncle strapped to his leg. She figures that if she can grab hers maybe she has a chance at fighting off the next crew member who walks into their cell, even with her hands and feet chained up. Azula doesn’t know exactly  _ how _ yet,  _ Zuko’s lack of skill in the planning department must be rubbing off of her, _ but it’s at least worth a shot. 

Azula’s knees are pulled up to her chest and she has the knife in her hands, still concealed under the tunic but ready to pull out and fight at any moment. She stares at the door, waiting for someone to come in, and tries not to think very hard. It’s not too hard, but forcefully clearing her mind like this always leaves her feeling vacant and distant. She no longer likes being reminded of how cold and unfeeling she used to be. She vaguely hears Zuko slam his head back against the wall, yet again. Azula tells him to stop, force behind her words but her voice empty. It works and when she sneaks a glance at him, his eyes are drooping. 

Part of her wants to yell at him to stay alert, to keep his guard up, but she knows that he’s had a really bad couple of weeks and he needs the sleep. Agni knows, he never gets enough of it, if the nightmares he’s been having are any indication. Besides, what’s Azula here for if not to protect him? Azula continues her staring match with the door.

She can’t tell if it’s minutes or hours that pass, but eventually the door opens with a soft creaking noise. Azula grips her knife tighter as Zuko yelps, pulling it halfway out of its sheath. The figure in the door hisses and moves towards him, and that’s when Azula leaps into action. Wielding the short knife with both hands, she jumps to her feet and points herself in the direction of their attacker. She maneuvers with surprising agility until the figure gets nicked by the knife and has decided that enough is enough. They let out a few choice words and grab Azula’s arms hard enough to hurt, swiftly disarming her. The emptiness from earlier leaves her mind with the pain and Azula quickly realizes what a bad idea this was. She has both failed to protect her brother and is now at this person’s mercy.

The figure lets out a soft sigh and releases her. Azula’s first instinct is to step back, but she instead darts in front of where Zuko is still frozen in terror, eyes showing that he’s stuck somewhere else in time. In her mind anger blares, flashing red at the  _ audacity _ of the stranger in front her to even  _ think _ of touching him. Hasn’t Zuko been through  _ enough _ yet?

She grits her teeth and stares down the shadowy figure. “Don’t you fucking lay a hand him.”

“Agni,” the stranger runs a hand through their hair. “Fuck, kid, this wasn’t supposed to go like this. I’m not here to hurt you. I’m trying to get you out of here.”

Azula scoffs. “Well, excuse me for not believing you.” She tries to cross her arms but remembers the chains too late and feels stupid. 

The stranger sighs  _ yet again. _ “Alright, okay, that’s fair. Tell you what, I’ll go outside and let you get your knife. When you’re ready, knock on the door and I’ll come unlock your chains.”

Azula doesn’t like this option, but can’t come up with a better one. She nods, sharply. “Fine. Go.”

Azula watches as they exit the room, waiting for the door to close all the way before lunging for the knife. After picking it up she walks over to Zuko, who’s still panicking silently. She kneels down next to him, gently, setting down the knife beside her so that she doesn’t scare him more. “Hey, Zuko,” she says, nudging him. “Hey, breath with me.” 

Azula takes loud, exaggerated breaths, continuing until she sees Zuko blink and come back to himself with shaky inhales. 

“Thanks, Zula,” he whispers, looking even more tired than he did before taking a nap. 

Azula picks the knife back up and stands, brushing herself off. “Don’t worry about it. Are you ready to get out of here?” 

Zuko nods, and pushes himself up, finally remembering his own knife. Azula quickly glances over him to make sure he’s not still shaken, and nods approvingly to herself. She goes over to the door and knocks on it twice. The person from before comes in, holding keys in their hands. “Took you long enough,” they say, and Azula glares. They roll their eyes. “Nothing against you. Now hold out your chains so I can get them off.”

Azula continues to glare but holds out her hands. The person makes quick work of the locks, maneuvering swiftly around the gleaming knife that Azula holds. They get done with Azula’s hands and move to Zuko, but Azula steps in front of him again. “Give the keys here. I’ll do the rest.” The person hesitates but complies, moving to lean against one of the metal walls of the cell. Azula starts on Zuko’s hands, then works on both of their feet.

“I’m Shiori, by the way,” the person comments as Azula is taking the last of the chains off. 

Azula tries to refrain from rolling her eyes, telling herself to be nice. “And I’m Princess Azula, son of Ursa and Fire Lord Ozai, done unlocking the chains and currently trying to escape this ship. Are you going to get us off or not?” 

That probably wasn’t very nice. 

Shiori scoffs out a laugh and opens the door, jerking their head. “Follow me and don’t make a sound if you’d like to get out of here without severe injury.”

Azula complies, walking as softly as possible, keeping a firm grip on Zuko’s sleeve so that he doesn’t fall behind. She roughly pushes her anxiety about getting caught away, but it still feels like hours until they get to where Shiori wants them to go. Sneaking around guards and corridors, they get to the back of the ship and to a small lifeboat. Shiori hurries them in. 

“You need to go quickly, I can cover you until daylight but they’re going to notice that you’re gone soon. I’ve packed most of your things in your bags. I wasn’t able to get your swords or crowns, but I got pretty much everything else. If you go the opposite way we’re going now, you’ll run into some currents that go east. You can use those to get closer to the Earth Kingdom and dry land. If you can get somewhere like Ba Sing Se, you’ll probably be safe there.”

“Ba Sing Se?” Azula questions. She’s not sure her and Zuko’s arrival to the city that her family tried to take over would be well-received. “Is there nowhere else?”

“Probably not if you don’t want to be found out. It’s the only place in the world without a war going on,” Shiori says, as if sharing some kind of inside joke, which confuses Azula because  _ didn’t Uncle just set siege to Ba Sing Se for six hundred days? Has everyone in the world suddenly gone insane? _ Shiori pushes Azula and Zuko urgently towards the boat. “Now  _ go. _ ”

Azula pulls Zuko in with her, looking up to where Shiori is lowering the boat, glancing back over their shoulder every few seconds. Finally they’re lowered to the water, and Shiori tosses down one last thing, a paddle. Azula catches it and looks back up at them. 

“Thanks,” she whisper-calls. Shiori nods back at her. 

“Remember who you are, Princess,” they call back, and bow with their hands in the shape of a flame before disappearing back over the side of the ship. 

Azula wastes no time using the paddle to get as far away as possible. There’s no time to unpack all that just happened right  _ now. _

~•~•~

It’s been hours of rowing by the time the sun comes up, and Azula’s arms burn with the strain. Zuko offered to take over a while back, but seeing as his eyes were still vacant and glassy when he said it, she’s not inclined to let him. Azula’s not exactly sure if something set him off or if everything that happened in the span of two months had come crashing down hard, but it’s difficult to see him like this, almost silent and so still. Azula’s supposed to be the cold one, the icy calm contrasting his fiery heat and temper. Even worse is that she’s not sure what to do about it, she’s scared to do anything for fear of making this into a bigger mess.

All throughout the night, she focuses on getting them as far away from the ship and toward where she thinks the eastern currents are. It’s easy to push her swirling emotions away when she has something to do. But by morning Azula is exhausted and drifting. She still has so much to do, getting to invisible streams of water that might not even take her where she wants to go, and the supplies still need to be counted and divided up into rations. And it’s not just Zuko that hasn’t been getting enough rest.

She doesn’t realize that she’s almost asleep until she feels a firm hand on her shoulder. Azula bolts awake and grips blindly for her knife. 

“Azula.” She looks at the voice and sees Zuko crouching in front of her in the gently rocking boat. “Get some rest.” He tries to pry the paddle from her hands but she holds it tighter. 

“I can–” she starts. Zuko places his hands over hers on the paddle. 

“Azula,” he says, more firmly this time. “You need sleep. I promise I can handle this. Please listen to me.” Azula gives up fighting and practically melts, sinking back into the rough wood of the lifeboat. 

_ Why do Fire Nation ships still have wooden lifeboats?  _

Zuko takes the paddle from her loose hands and moves back to the other side of the boat. He doesn’t start rowing but instead shuffles around as if looking for something. He comes back as Azula’s brain is hurtling toward unconsciousness and she distantly feels the warmth of a blanket being wrapped around her. 

~•~•~

The sun is setting and Zuko is organizing the supplies and doing too much thinking. He reached what he hopes is a current at midday, and is currently letting the boat drift with the pull of the ocean. Azula is still sleeping. She’s been so tired the past few weeks, mostly because of him. So much of this mess is his fault, and Zuko hasn’t stopped feeling bad about what he said before. He’s determined to apologize again when she wakes up. 

By the looks of their supplies, they only have a week’s worth of water, so hopefully they reach land by then. If not, this might be the end. It would be funny if after everything they went through to try to escape death in the Fire Nation, going back would be the thing to finally kill them.

Father would probably get a laugh out of it. 

And anyway, if the threat of slow and painful death by dehydration isn’t enough, the boredom might kill him instead. Being on a ship in the middle of the ocean where everything looks the same feels like agony. It’s hard being so completely surrounded by water; it makes him feel separated from his fire. Although, he thinks, that could just be the fogginess permeating his mind. 

Zuko really has nothing to do. He’s organized the supplies at least three times. He wishes that the person who helped them escape had been able to get his swords back, even though he’s thankful that they thought to pack the theater masks. 

He feels insane right now, like a puppet on an invisible string. Nothing feels quite  _ real, _ it hasn’t since he awoke to that person standing over him. He remembers seeing them in front of him and being terrified and feeling his face burn again, but after that everything is hazy. Even now, everything is so ridiculously  _ fake. _ Zuko can’t think straight and can’t remember things. He feels suspiciously empty and he keeps poking his arm with different objects just to see how it feels. Zuko knows whatever  _ this _ is, it’s probably not healthy, but it’s not like he has a choice in the matter. 

He’s watching himself drown from a distance and he can’t get himself to do anything about it. He doesn’t know who, but someone else is pulling the strings.

Zuko sighs. He’s trying to organize the supplies another time but concentration has escaped him. He looks at Azula. Still asleep. He sighs again. 

Lacking better things to do, Zuko decides to aimlessly tap out a beat against his arm with the blunt end of his knife.

~•~•~

So apparently boredom is dangerous. Well, and separation from reality. That too. 

Because now Zuko is maybe drowning. Possibly.

Probably. 

It’s not like he actively  _ decided _ to hurl himself over the side of the boat. He just saw what he  _ thought _ was a fish in the moonlight (it probably wasn’t, but he didn’t exactly know  _ that _ at the time), and tried to stab it with his knife.

Which led to him estimating the distance to the water wrong and tumbling over the side of the boat. 

See? This is why he needs his swords. Azula’s the good-at-knives one.

At least he didn’t capsize the entire boat! 

He should get a gold star.

Except now Azula is definitely awake and Zuko is maybe-probably drowning in the middle of the ocean.

It feels cold. Hmm. He thought the eastern waters were supposed to be warmer than this.

Well that was a lie.

His brain is telling Zuko that he knows how to swim, but his limbs are telling him that that’s also a lie. He goes all wavy like a limp noodle.

Is that Azula shouting? Wild.

His head sinks under the water again and who knew? Water is  _ not _ a breathable substance.

Go figure.

~•~•~

_ Fuck. _

Zuko’s lungs are burning and he can’t breathe. He tries to inhale, but all he gets is a mouthful of water. His eyes shoot open. He looks around frantically and sees that he’s underwater. He starts panicking. 

_ Why is he underwater?!  _

_ Why is it so  _ cold _ here? _

This feels like a nightmare. He can’t die now, but especially not in the middle of the ocean. Everyone knows that’s the worst way for firebenders to go. He thrashes around and forces his limbs to work with him, fighting and propelling his way to the surface. 

His head comes up over the waves and he gasps for air. The cool night air feels like fire and life and all at once he can feel the blood coursing through his veins at top speed. Through the water in his ears, he can hear what sounds like his sister yelling his name. Zuko looks around and sees a lifeboat a few feet away with a small figure waving their arms wildly.

Oh, that’s Azula.

He swims over quickly and carefully hoists himself over the side of the boat, careful not to tip it. As soon as he does, Azula is all over him, crying and helping him sit up and cough out all the water that ended up in his lungs and drying him off. When it seems like Zuko’s finally done hacking up the entire ocean, she snatches a blanket from behind her and throws it around him. 

Then, unexpectedly, she throws herself into his arms, sobbing loudly. She’s holding onto Zuko like she’s scared to let go, and he can feel her whole body shaking. He wraps his arms around her, and rubs her back. He doesn’t realize he’s crying too until he opens his eyes and his vision goes all blurry. 

They hold onto each other for dear life. Minutes pass before they pull apart, tears still slowly falling. Zuko quickly swipes an arm across his face. Through her tears, Azula glares at him sharply.

“What the fuck, asshole?” she yells, waving her arms. “Are you trying to die now, idiot?”

Zuko looks down at his hands. “What happened?” he asks.

Azula gestures wildly. “I don’t know, you tell me! Do you know how selfish that was? Waking up to find that your only family in the world is hurling himself into the ocean and drowning is terrible! I don’t care if I never get your love, you’re not allowed to leave me alone!”

Zuko sits back, trying to process all of that and remember. His eyes widen. “Azula–Azula, no!” He reaches out to grab her hands. “Azula, I promise I’m not going to leave you alone. That wasn’t–I leaned over the edge and miscalculated. It was stupid, just me being a dum-dum, okay? I’m not trying to leave you. We’ve been through so much in the past few weeks, but you can’t get rid of me that easily.”

Azula’s face crumbles and she steals her hands back to bury her face in them. She shakes violently and Zuko can’t resist hugging her once more. 

“Hey,” he says, softly. “Everything’s okay.”

Azula sniffs and pulls back. She nods her head, then again, pulling her knees to her chest.

Zuko copies her and continues. “And I don’t know why you think I don’t love you. I promise that I do. Before you say anything else, I know that you didn’t want my apology last time, but you have to listen to me. I’m really sorry about everything I said before. I can tell how hard you’ve been trying to change and be better. You’re a great sister and you have really fun ideas and I like spending time with you a lot. I feel bad that I’ve dragged everyone into this mess and I’ve kind of ruined your life at this point and I got mad at you instead of myself. I’m sorry for that, too, by the way. Ruining your life, I mean.”

Azula’s face slowly stretches into a smile and she rolls her eyes. “You didn’t ruin my life. Remember, Father was going to kill  _ both  _ of us, dum-dum. If anything, at least this mess has been interesting and I’ve had fun with you. And you already know that I love you too.”

Zuko smiles and Azula suddenly pushes him. “Don’t think just because I love you that I’m going to get all sappy. We need to stop doing this.”

Zuko just smiles harder.

~•~•~

Zuko should know that a few good moments don’t mean his inner turmoil is going to go away. He lays awake that night, too much on his mind to sleep, as the boat continues to drift along the currents. 

After the adrenaline from everything wore off, he found himself feeling exhausted. His clothes, while marginally drier, are still wet and he’s cold. He ate and drank something before trying to go to sleep, but he still doesn’t feel satisfied.

The worst part, though, is how scattered his mind feels. Zuko can barely remember anything that happened before he fell in the water but when he remembers his disconnected state, the way everything felt like a dream. He told Azula that he fell from the side of the boat, but it wasn’t even until hours after the incident that he’s able to remember what actually happened in full and even then it’s still up for debate how much of it is real and how much is his imagination filling in the gaps. 

Zuko runs his hands over his arms, internally wincing whenever he comes across the spots he was poking at earlier. That was definitely one of his worse ideas. 

He thinks that maybe the combination of the cold water and the feeling of drowning was enough to reboot his mind, to remove the layer of fog wrapped around it, but the thought also scares him. What if it happens again? He doesn’t want to go through another near-death experience just to feel like a normal human being.

At least he got to make up with Azula.

Now if only they could reach dry land.

~•~•~

Zuko clenches his fists. “I don’t care if you  _ think _ I’m taking more than half of the boat. I’m just telling you that you’re wrong!”

Azula glares at him. “Oh, so I’m supposed to be content with your legs invading my space and kicking me while I’m trying to  _ sleep?! _ You’re going to tip the entire boat because you can’t stand to stay still! Do you want a repeat of your whole drowning act earlier?”

“It wasn’t a  _ drowning act. _ ” Zuko wishes she would stop bringing that  _ up _ already.  _ Agni, _ it was  _ one time. _

_ What happened to the good old days when you could not-drown and everyone minded their own business? _

Azula crosses her arms. “Yeah, well, if you decide you want to go for a swim, don’t capsize the boat with you.”

Zuko tries to think of something clever to say back.

“Shut  _ up. _ ” 

Most arguments end with Zuko grasping for words and brilliantly surfacing with this.

~•~•~

“I  _ told _ you to  _ stop trying to stab the fish. _ ”

“...You can’t tell me what to do.”

“This is a terrible idea and I’m not sure why I have to keep reminding you but remember when you almost drowned?”

Zuko scowls and stabs at another fish. “You bring up me drowning in every argument. Do  _ you _ remember how I  _ didn’t drown and I was completely fine? _ Now shut up, Lala, I’m concentrating.”

Azula goes back to figuring out how many different ways she can organize supplies while silently judging Zuko’s fishing skills. 

“You’re not catching anything.”

Zuko scowls harder. “I  _ will, _ just be patient!” he shouts.

Azula judges him harder. “If you keep yelling there won’t be any fish left at the surface to almost stab.”

“And I’m sure you could do  _ so _ much better. Now seriously,  _ shut up. _ ”

~•~•~

Azula underestimated how hard it would be to get along on this stupid boat.

Sure, they had been living at the same camp for weeks without this many fights, but the situation turns out to be a bit different when they can’t walk away from each other.

At least their arguments now have mostly no substance at all, unlike the way they fought at camp before. Is this what being regular siblings is like? If so, it’s an absolute headache.

It’s been four days out here and Azula can tell that they’re running out of options in terms of survival. The water was only supposed to last them a week and that’s running low already. Also, Azula is growing increasingly more concerned that they did not reach the eastern current, unless the air in the east suddenly decided to drop to almost-freezing temperatures.

It is possible that they are headed towards the South Pole.

It is equally possible that Azula is going to tear her hair out in frustration.

Why can’t anything go right for once? Going to the South Pole is an invitation for the stupid Water peasants to torture them and kill them and that if that was what Azula wanted she would’ve stayed on the Fire Nation ship in the first place!

Hopefully they’ll at least be kinder to her and Zuko than her father would. 

It’s very unlikely, although at this point being executed by a neck-snapping would be a lot better than slowly dying of thirst surrounded by water, even if there was a bit of torture involved. 

And maybe she could take them by themselves, if push came to shove?

Azula rolls her eyes. Optimism is not her forte. 

They’re going to die out here.

~•~•~

“ _ Lala, why are you firebending at the fish?” _

“Well,  _ Zuzu,  _ obviously  _ you _ weren’t catching any, and you said I couldn’t do better than you so now I’m going to prove why I’m right and you’re wrong.”

Zuko thinks he might know how Azula feels ninety percent of the time. “ _ Lala.  _ This is a  _ wooden boat. _ ”

Azula hums in affirmation, tongue sticking out in concentration. “Yes, and your point?”

Zuko suddenly has the urge to apologize to everyone who has ever witnessed one of his bad ideas. 

“Do  _ you _ want to be the one to sink the boat? I thought you were going to leave that to me.”

Azula scoffs. “I’m not going to burn the boat up, if that’s what you’re insinuating.”

“That’s _ exactly  _ what I’m insinuating and this is a _ terrible  _ idea.”

Azula leans back, a smirk on her face. “Alright, whatever you say, Drowning Boy.”

“ _ Drowning Boy?! _ ”

Azula smirks wider and more evilly. “It’s because you drowned.”

“I didn’t–! You can’t–!  _ Azula, shut up! _ ”

~•~•~

Two days.

They stopped expending useless energy on things like fishing competitions two days ago.

One day. 

They ran out of water one day ago.

Today.

Today their food supply is running low.

Azula knows that most of the food has trace amounts of water in it that they can survive off of, but once the food is gone they’re as good as dead. Two days ago when they realized that moving around and wasting energy on games and fish was getting them nowhere, Azula and Zuko decided that laying down and not moving would be their best chance at survival. Yesterday, they realized that the cold was becoming unbearable. The two were originally using their firebending to regulate their temperatures, but with the rations running low they both were growing exponentially weaker. Azula and Zuko moved from their opposite corners of the lifeboat to the middle. They covered themselves in every remaining blanket and piece of clothing and huddled together in an effort to conserve heat. 

Azula never thought that this would be how she’d die. She thought maybe she’d go out in combat against a worthy opponent, or die of old age like Fire Lord Sozin.

But never once did she think her death would happen on a wooden lifeboat in the middle of the ocean, huddling with her brother and trying to ignore the pangs in her stomach.

Father would laugh.

~•~•~

“Hey, Azula?” Zuko asks softly. He can feel her shaking from the cold.

“Yeah, dum-dum?”

“If we die, I want you to know that I really love you and I’m sorry for getting on that stupid Fire Nation ship.”

Azula coughs. “Stop apologizing, it’s not your fault. If there’s something you should  _ really _ be apologizing for, it’s almost ruining our night of thievery because you couldn’t resist hurling money at people who hate us.”

Zuko tries to smile, but he’s exhausted and his eyes feel like weights. 

“Sure, Lala, now shut up.”

~•~•~

A boat.

A wooden boat.

A wooden boat in the middle of the ocean with two children inside who look like they might be dead.

Of all the things to come across on a fishing trip, this was not one that Chief Hakoda expected.

Because Hakoda is a leader and a father and he can’t stand the thought of two kids just  _ dying _ out in the middle of the ocean, he decides the best course of action is to reel the boat in and see if he can save them. All the other tribesmen on the ship give their agreement, and Ikiaq finds some long poles that he and the other men use to try to pull the boat in. 

The tiny boat is not very high, and it takes a bit of effort to get both the children and all their belongings out. Yuka tries to go through their bags straight away, but Anyu punches him in the shoulder and gives him a glare that clearly communicates,  _ Can we please give the dying children some privacy? _ Yuka sulks but puts the kids’ things down.

When they get the two children on deck, Hakoda determines that they are not dead, but they still don’t look all that good either. He calls the healer’s son, Tuktu, over to see if he can give more insight into their condition.

“It looks like they've been at sea for some time and ran out of food and water. We should probably try to get them some fluids and keep them warm, but beyond that I can’t really help,” Tuktu offers, once he’s done assessing the situation. Hakoda asks everyone to give the kids some space for now, as he tries to get them into a more alive state.

This was a small fishing trip, only supposed to take a day, so the ship that Hakoda is guiding only has two small rooms below deck, both stockpiled with various supplies. Hakoda decides to clear a portion of one of the rooms to let the children rest and hopefully start to recover. He enlists Bato’s help to carry the children down. They set the kids on a pile of furs and cover them with all the blankets they have aboard the ship.

Hakoda is glad that they’re alive, but ever since the men pulled the children from the boat he hasn’t been able to help but notice that they both look very suspiciously Fire Nation.

This is not something that he’s particularly excited about explaining to the entire tribe when he gets back, especially if they,  _ Tui and La forbid, _ turn out to be firebenders. If they are, it could spell trouble. Hakoda has heard horror stories his entire life of firebenders losing control and burning everything around them, including themselves. The angry scar on the boy’s face could have extremely bad implications and the Southern Water Tribe can’t risk an out of control fire amongst a village of ice.

Hakoda wishes that there was a manual on what to do if two probably-from-the-nation-that-has-terrorized-the-entire-world, might-be-able-to-melt-down-a-village children show up half-dead in the middle of the ocean. 

What Hakoda  _ wants _ to do is have compassion. Whatever happened to the two, it was obviously not good, and he wants to be able to trust them. Right now is a time of peace; the Southern Water Tribe and the Fire Nation are not technically at war at this moment. Their tribe finally has another waterbender, and it seems like things have been looking up for them in the past few years. However, at the same time, he knows his first instinct has to be caution. After everything that the Fire Nation did to their tribe in the past, in the raids, his fellow tribespeople may not exactly welcome the children with open arms, and Hakoda can’t blame them. Many of his people lost mothers, fathers, siblings, children, and friends. The impact of the Fire Nation on each individual person and the impact on the village as a whole was largely disastrous. The soldiers unnecessarily killed so many innocent people and Hakoda wasn’t alive to remember but he can’t imagine what he would do if Kya or Katara or Sokka was taken from him that way. He knows that he should be wary of these children, even if they are exactly that, children.

As always, as he goes off to find water for the children, it seems like Bato knows exactly what he’s thinking. 

“They are just kids, but they’re also Fire Nation,” Bato says. “I don’t envy your position right now. Are you sure about all this?”

Hakoda sighs and puts his face in his hands. “I’m not sure about anything. I’m going to do the best I can for them, but I’m not going to let the village be affected by me making bad decisions. Sometimes being a chief means making extremely tough choices, but I don’t know what the right ones are.”

Bato lays a hand sympathetically on Hakoda’s shoulder. “Well, you’ll have a few hours to figure it out before we get back. Clear your head and think on it. I trust you to make good calls and I’ll be there to back you up, alright? Don’t make yourself too stressed over all this.”

Hakoda takes a breath and tries to straighten up a bit. “Thanks, Bato.” Hakoda locates the water jugs and tries to come up with something to say before their ship gets back to the shore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: swearing, drowning, mentions of self-destructive behaviors, some mentions of racism and prejudice/fire nation propaganda stuff, drowning, swearing
> 
> let me know if i missed anything!
> 
> i love all of your guys’ comments afksjoh thank y’all for all of your support!! 
> 
> sorry that we don’t get that much sweet dadkoda action here, this chapter spiraled out of control in terms of word count which is WHY i’m starting an outtakes reel for this fic. there are two scenes which are long and not vital to the plot that i kind of loved but ended up taking out. one, about azula’s blue fire, will be up later tonight, and the other, about ursa and the bags, will be up sometime this week. if you want to read them that would be awesome but they’re also not required to understand the story. i’ll probably end up adding other outtakes and oneshots to the reel later on haha, so look out for that.
> 
> if you ever want to talk or need new friends, my tumblr is @blueseakelp! please drink some water and get some sleep and take care of yourselves! see y’all next time :)
> 
> -ash


	11. We Are But Travelers in King’s Clothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just people in various states of indecision with our favorite fire siblings vibing unconscious in the back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> s T r es S 
> 
> yeah so this is about a month later than i hoped? also, i technically have had this ready to post and promised myself i would post it last thursday but then i just couldn’t get motivated to it so anYWAYS- 
> 
> sorry.
> 
> hope you all enjoy, and trigger warnings will be in the end notes!

Tuktu’s mother, Apaay, is the Southern Water Tribe’s only healer. She is everything that Tuktu is not. 

When Tuktu was still a boy she tried to teach him the art of healing, but he never had the patience. Everyone who has ever met him has said what he’s always known; Tuktu is restless. Tuktu is someone fond of  _ doing, _ taking action before action comes to him first. 

Some people praise him for his assertiveness. Combined with his quick-thinking in battle, he makes for a formidable warrior. Many people have championed him as a candidate for the next Water Tribe Chief, but Tuktu doesn’t think that he would make a good leader. He doesn’t have the same stern gentleness as Chief Hakoda or Chief Nano or any of the other chiefs before them. Although he rarely voices it, Tuktu is more cynical than people view him, restless and suspicious and plagued by worries of an inevitable war that is waiting to swallow him and his people alive.

He is wary of the two fire children. 

Tuktu knew as soon as he took a good look at them. Their heritage would be hard to miss; even with their faces hazy and distant from dehydration and being at sea, their eyes shone a brilliant gold, the type Tuktu had only ever heard about in the horror stories the older boys used to tell at night when none of the adults were around. It was weird seeing such pale skin, most of it tinged red from the sun, although Tuktu is not sure how much of the lack of color was truly natural and how much of it was sickness. 

Of course, when word spreads about the children, there are mixed reactions. Most are nervous with the prospect of bringing what could be two  _ firebenders _ back to the village, but no one wants to abandon the children. No matter their fire blood they are still  _ children, _ and it would be cruel to let them die, especially in a time of shaky peace.

Most of the men on the ship decide to let the matter rest for now, and prepare to return to the tribe in a few hours. Tuktu tries to do the same, but once again he can’t shake the restless feeling within him that urges him to do  _ something. _ He can’t sit still with the deafening threats of  _ enemy, trouble, war, _ that bounce around in his head and scream of anxieties to come. 

He eventually makes his way below deck, to where Chief Hakoda is taking care of the fire children. The chief looks up as Tuktu enters, his feet softly echoing on the solid wood. 

“Tuktu, hello.” Chief Hakoda stands and nods at him. “What brings you here?” 

Tuktu tries not to, but his eyes dart to where the children are laying, and the chief pierces him with a knowing look.

“The children,” he says.

Tuktu nods. “They’re Fire Nation. They’re our enemies.”

Chief Hakoda sighs, his brow furrowing with an uncertain heaviness. “I know. They’re also children. This is a difficult situation by every standard.”

Tuktu takes another long look at the two, wrapped up in furs with cloths resting on their heads. “What if they’re bringing the war along with them?” he asks. “The Fire Nation is not known for its kindness. I doubt their youth are raised to display it. Why should we harbor them, expend our resources, nurse them back to health, only for them to turn on us at the first opportunity to strike? It would be kinder to our tribe to leave them now, so that the ash children never have the chance.”

The chief gives Tuktu a polite and unsatisfying smile. “I wholeheartedly understand your concerns, and I share many of them. Personally, I think that we should harbor the children for now, but this is not only my decision. This matter will be resolved when we get back to the tribe, but I’d like a bit more time to think on it before we arrive.”

Tuktu wants to say more, but he recognizes the dismissal, and the chief looks tired. He nods and walks away. 

This whole situation still doesn’t sit right with him. Tuktu appreciates his chief’s compassion, but after everything the Fire Nation has done to his tribe and his family, he’s not going to let his guard down. On the brink of a war that the Southern Water Tribe is greatly unprepared for, Tuktu thinks it’s foolish to allow one of the enemy to embed themselves in the tribe, not to mention  _ two _ of them. These children are far too much of a risk to be taking, and Tuktu is prepared to take a stand against it.

Surely there is another solution besides offering the fire children security in a place that they could very well destroy. 

~•~•~

The children’s bags are very nice, an inky and sturdy fabric embroidered in bold reds and golds. Bato doesn’t know what trade is like in the Fire Nation, but these bags seem to be very well made, and probably expensive. He wonders when the children got them; they look like they’re new but they could just be well taken care of.

Bato almost had to tear the bags away from Yuka, who was once again trying to dump them out, but now his curiosity is getting the best of him. Peeking inside would probably make him a hypocrite. 

But it’s  _ only _ completely and totally to make sure that there are no dangerous contents in them. Surely he’s justified in taking a look inside to ensure the safety of the crew?

Bato slips inside the unoccupied supply room, and carefully pulls out the contents of the bags.

There turn out to be no weapons, although Bato isn’t sure what that means in regards to the children. Personally, if they were on the run from something like Anyu and Ikiaq are theorizing, Bato thinks it would have been a smart choice to take something to fight with. But then again, they could be firebenders, which brings up a whole different host of issues. 

What Bato does find in the bags are some embroidered inscriptions that look like Fire Nation characters. Bato knows some of the more common ones, but Natsiq is the only one fluent in their language and he’s still back with the tribe. Each inscription is of two fire characters, and they’re written out sort of like Earth Kingdom names. 

The other thing that interests him is the masks. There is a theater mask in each of the bags, one blue and one black. They must be sentimental; Bato doesn’t see any other reason for them. The carvings look very precisely done, clean and smooth. The two masks look a lot like opposites, the blue one wide-eyed and fixed in a devious grin, and the black one with softer eyes and a tranquil smile. Bato guesses that they might be connected, if the thick white lines and fangs on both of the masks are anything to go by. 

The contents of the bag have not made the fire children any less mysterious. Bato sighs and turns around, and then almost screams. One of the said fire children is standing right in front of him.

“What are you doing with our bags?” 

The child looks very unsteady but her glare is definitely not. (Bato thinks it could probably kill a full-grown man if she didn’t look so sick.) Bato can tell she is trying not to lose her balance, but gravity seems like it has the upper hand here.

“What are  _ you _ doing walking around the ship? I thought you were supposed to be dying,” Bato shoots back.

The girl glares harder. “It’s a terrible idea to  _ tell _ someone that you’re planning on killing them.” Her tone is biting. “I can and will fight you.”

_ Yes, like a six-year-old could beat him in combat, especially a found-you-on-a-boat-half-dead six-year-old. _

That is the wrong thing to say, Bato thinks.

“I never said I was planning on killing you. We did drag you out of a lifeboat looking like you were in the process of being dead, so you’ll forgive me if I’m surprised.” 

That is not a much better thing to say, Bato thinks.

The child does not soften her glare. “I don’t trust you.”

“Great, now that we’ve established that neither of us trusts one another, may I go back to what I was doing?”

“You were looking through my  _ things, _ ” the child protests. “I know at  _ least _ one hundred ways to kill you, and I won’t hesitate.” At this, the boat hits a particularly choppy wave and the fire child almost goes flying into the wall.

Are all the children in the Fire Nation this stubborn and weirdy homicidal?

Bato sighs. “What you need right now is sleep, not murder. Please go back to the other supply room.”

The girl looks as if she’s about to protest but before she can make her point, she promptly slumps to the floor. Bato sighs again. This is not what he expected to be doing on this fishing trip. He scoops up the child and takes her back to where her brother is still passed out on the furs. Bato quickly checks both of the kids’ foreheads for signs of fever, but they don’t seem too hot. He takes one last glance at them before sharply turning and heading off to find Hakoda.

“Hakoda! Your fire children are going to be maniacs!”

~•~•~

After looking over the boat for a last time, Hakoda promptly makes his way over to the igloo and walks inside. He can’t help the grin that takes over his face as his children rush over to him, hanging on to his legs and jumping up and down, and Kya grins widely back at him from behind them.

Hakoda laughs and sweeps each of them up in his arms, spinning them around in circles. “How are my favorite polar-seal cubs?” 

Sokka scrunches up his face. “Stop calling me that, Dad, it’s  _ embarrassing. _ ” 

“Hey, Dad, guess what?” Katara wiggles out of his arms and he sets them both down. “I started a piece of embroidery today!” She grabs a strip of fabric and brings it over to him, waving it eagerly. 

Hakoda smiles at her. “I bet when you’re finished it will be lovely.” 

Katara beams. 

“Alright,” Kya calls gently. “Katara, Sokka, it’s time for bed.”

Sokka groans. “But I’m not tired, Mom.”

“Remember what I said earlier, Sokka? You could stay up until your father came home,  _ as long as _ you went to sleep right afterwards.”

Sokka looks to Hakoda, eyes pleading, but he raises an eyebrow. “Listen to your mother, Sokka. I’ll be here when you wake up tomorrow.”

Sokka pouts but makes his way over to where Katara is laying down to sleep.

Quietly, Hakoda beckons Kya out of the igloo. She takes his hand and softly kisses his cheek.

“I missed you, today,” she says, and he smiles.

Hakoda kisses her hand and gives it a gentle squeeze, but his lips quickly turn down into a frown as he remembers where he’s taking her. “We need to talk.”

~•~•~

“ _ Fire children? _ ” 

Hakoda looks sheepishly at Kya from the door of the supply room. When he took her to the boat, this was  _ not _ what she was expecting.

“Surprise?” 

It takes a minute before Kya bursts out into laughter, putting a gloved hand over her mouth and trying to contain herself. “ _ Tui and La, _ Hakoda, of all things, this was not what I expected you to bring back from a fishing trip! Have you talked to the men about this yet?”

Hakoda sighs. “No, I was honestly hoping I’d come up with a good way to address this on the way back, but I think I’m just going to have to call for a meeting. I want a solid consensus on this matter.”

“You  _ are _ going to fight to keep them, though, right?” Kya asks. 

Hakoda sighs, his face screwing up how he gets when he’s trying to convince himself of something. “In a perfect world, yes, but I don’t know how much the benefits outweigh the risks here. And I don’t know who in the village would keep them.”

Kya huffs. “Hakoda, I think that these are two  _ children, _ who have obviously been through a lot, and I don’t see why we shouldn’t take care of them. Whatever quarrel we have with the Fire Nation, it isn’t with them. They’re too young to have a say in the war that is going on, and they’re likely just as much victims of it as we are.”

“I know. And honestly, I would love to keep them, but I don’t think everyone else is going to agree so quickly.”

Kya knows that Hakoda is trying to look at this with perspective. There likely aren’t many people that would stand behind this right away, and it could lead to conflict within the village. Kya wants this to be cut and dry but it would be too good to be true. 

Kya sighs. “I just wish things could be simpler sometimes,” she says, and this is about more than just the two fire children.

Hakoda pulls her into a steady hug, his voice soft. “Things will turn out okay, I promise. Let’s get the children to my mother, and then we can figure this out.”

~•~•~

The first thing Zuko sees when he wakes up is ice. Logically, this means he should feel cold.

_ Is it normal to be sweating right now? _

He  _ is _ still a firebender. Kind of.

Whatever he’s laying on feels nothing like his bed at home, but Zuko finds he doesn’t mind. It feels soft. He turns his head and sees what he thinks might be Azula, but it’s hard to tell when everything is so blurry.

Distantly, he hears adult voices talking, saying something, but he doesn’t understand any of the words and the sounds quite don’t make sense.

Zuko thinks that maybe there’s something he’s missing here, but it’s just out of reach. Either way, it doesn’t really matter when he can’t seem to keep his eyes open long enough to figure it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: mentions of war, violence, and death
> 
> if i missed anything, please let me know!
> 
> thank you all for your lovely comments (and sorry if i haven’t responded to yours yet) :))
> 
> me, getting to this chapter and realizing i don’t know how to write healthy adult figures: *surprised pikachu face*
> 
> *venting time*  
> haha life is not great rn oof, also i have almost no motivation for anything so i’m out here just vibing. again, screw my dad, he’s decided he’s no longer paying child support so we have officially no income!! three fucks for this clown (:< skool is not v cool™️ at the moment. honestly i took the hard classes and i get decent grades so i probably shouldn’t be complaining about how hard school is but that sign can’t stop me bc apparently i can’t read ! also, the girl i like has just kinda stopped texting me back at all, even though we used to take a lot in the past few months :/  
> *vent time over*
> 
> HEY one good thing i’m trying to learn a transatlantic accent i think it’s going okay :) we love that for me !
> 
> sorry for multiple things, mainly not really updating in a while and for the lack of swt and fire siblings Real Interaction in this chapter. also, if the ending was abrupt that’s bc i had a bigger plan for this but then i knew if i didn’t post it now i probably never would so i just decided to go for it and start with a new slate. for everyone who’s continued reading, thank you all so much!! i really appreciate you guys, i can’t even tell you honestly <33
> 
> if you ever need someone to talk to or just wanna drop by, my tumblr is @blueseakelp. 
> 
> please remember to stay safe, take care of yourselves, and give yourself a LOT of grace because life is just rough buddy! drink some water, get some sleep, and i’ll see y’all next chapter!! <3
> 
> -ash
> 
> ps: i’ve been doing some editing (mostly just to change the fire siblings’ ages), so sorry if ao3 showed it as updates, it’s been a while but the next chapter is in the works and i promise i’ll respond to all of your lovely messages once it’s up. stay safe, loves.


	12. You Offer Me Warmth As If I Knew You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The tribe argues over whether the fire siblings should stay, but one person knows something the others don’t. Sokka uses some sneaking skills to find out what the tribe is keeping from him. Nothing stops being chaotic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so,, 5-7 business days turned into 2-3 business months. i’m sorry that this took so long. if you’ve stuck with me, thank you so much and i love you all! 
> 
> i have more to say after this, but for now, please enjoy this chapter and as always, trigger warnings will be in the end notes!

Kanna has a strong urge to both smack and hug her idiot son. Who else in the entire tribe could’ve gone on a fishing expedition and come back with, not one, but  _ two _ sick children from an enemy nation? 

Kanna went to Apaay’s tent earlier to see them again. The healer had immediately put her to work with the fire girl while she was there, placing cool rags on her skin and helping the child sip water every time she woke. The first time Kanna’s hand had brushed against the small girl’s forehead, she almost startled at just how hot it was, blazing as if there were flames inside the girl’s head that were lashing out and trying to escape. Kanna must have made a sound, as Apaay had laughed and told her that the children were warm not just from the fever, but ‘from their fire blood’. Kanna had only prayed that her son had enough sense not to bring home a pair of firebenders.

Right now, the men and women are gathered up together, the children having been put to sleep. Hakoda has called a meeting for the entire tribe, unusual for normal times, but this situation definitely calls for it. Everyone has circled around the fire, Kanna with the other elders nearest to the warmth, and the other men and women sitting in front of them. Hakoda and the Council take up the outside of the circle, facing inwards towards the eager tribespeople. Her son looks nervous, twisting his hands beside him as everyone settles, and Kanna is reminded of him as a teenager, awkward but always so mischievous. She supposes there are some things he’ll never quite grow out of. 

Eventually everyone quiets down and turns their full attention to Hakoda, and Kanna can see as he sets his shoulders, standing as a chief in front of his people. He clears his throat. 

“As many of you may already know, we returned from our fishing expedition today with two extra people among us, two children. We found them stranded in a small lifeboat, sick and unresponsive, and we decided to take them aboard. We believe that they are of Fire Nation descent, but as of now, we don’t know whether they can bend or not.” Hakoda pauses and takes a steady breath.

“I called this meeting today because I believe that these children’s arrival is a matter that affects the entire tribe, and should be a collective decision. I don’t know how all of you here feel, but I’ll be honest: I think that we should take in the children. Just as us, they are innocent victims in a world ravaged by war, and I caution against blaming the children for their nation’s crimes. However, this is not only my decision, so–”

“You’re absolutely right, thank you, Chief.”

~•~•~

Tuktu can no longer sit idly by as the Chief continues on with his speech. He knows how convincing Chief Hakoda is, how reasonable he can make this whole situation seem. Everything about his presence screams of calm and logical authority, even when he doesn’t mean to. It’s a great quality in a leader, but it is dangerous when what Hakoda is leading his people to is inevitable destruction at the hands of the ashmakers. Keeping the children is a recipe for disaster, and Tuktu is concerned at all the unguarded faces of his people, seriously considering the ridiculous idea.

Luckily, Chief Hakoda is not the only smart one here, and Tuktu came with a plan. He looks to his side, at Aguta, who nods at him with raised eyebrows. It’s not unhelpful to have numbers going into this tribal meeting. He stands, interrupting the Chief.

“You’re absolutely right, thank you, Chief.” He says it smiling, false, keeping his tone level. While he’s not exactly the nicest person in the tribe, people tend to like him and he’d rather keep it that way, if only to garner support for his cause. 

“I appreciate your willingness to take in the children. You are empathetic, almost to a fault, one of your greatest qualities,” Tuktu says. His manner is teasing, as is common in their tribe, but pokes just enough at Hakoda to make people  _ think, _ which has so far been lacking from this particular conversation. He turns to address the tribe. “I understand that you all would like to trust these children, and I do too. We are a strong and soft-hearted tribe, and that is wonderful, but we have been beaten down far too much to risk it happening again. I don’t think I have to remind everyone of the horrors that were the Raids, and they were not long ago. The elders among us will remember how the Fire Nation devastated our home. In placing our trust with any Fire person, even seemingly innocent children, we are exposing ourselves to that reality once again.

“All I ask is that you  _ think _ before you decide on this matter. The children can go anywhere in the world. Our tribe cannot. I know for a fact that I have people on my side here. Please take a stand in this matter.” Tuktu nods his head slightly as he finishes, and looks again to Aguta. He starts to rise, hopefully inspiring others to rise as well and to settle this.

The Chief’s wife apparently has other ideas, speaking as Aguta is only halfway out of his seat. 

“When has this become about sides?” she asks hotly.

Tuktu steals a quick look at her face, as her mouth opens wide and her forehead creases with fury. Privately, he thinks it’s a bit unbecoming for a woman, especially the wife of a Chief. Voice and hands placating, he tries to calm her down. This plan doesn’t work as well with her in the way.

“I had no intent to divide the tribe. Please don’t misunderstand.”

She looks him in the eye and her eyebrows peak into tall glaciers on her forehead. “Then what was your intent? Forgive me if I question you, especially after your speech started with your interruption of Chief Hakoda in a truly incredible display of rudeness.”

This woman is trying his patience. “I just think that everyone here deserves to take a step back and look at the full picture of the situation. And I think that when they do, they’ll recognize my point of view.”

“And  _ I _ think the people of this tribe should not harden their hearts to these children out of fear. There is risk involved in  _ everything _ we do. Even just existing has made us a target of the Fire Nation. But that is no reason to kick two children out, especially ones that arrived sick and obviously in a bad situation. If they were to leave, where would they go? Who would take them?” Kya questions, not just speaking to Tuktu anymore.

Tuktu pinches the bridge of his nose. “That is something we can figure out, something  _ they  _ can figure out,” he sighs. “It is not as complicated as you’re making it seem. These children are trouble for us, and they need to leave before they get us all killed.”

Kya glares, arms spread wide. “And that is the crux of the situation. You don’t want to deal with these children at all, to help them in any way at a time when they need it. You said it yourself, we are strong and soft-hearted people,” she asserts firmly, turning to the entire tribe with eyes gently pleading. “We cannot allow bitterness to take root where kindness once bloomed.” 

“I agree with Kya.” Tuktu hears Apaay’s full voice and restrains from shouting. Even his own mother is against him?

“Tuktu,” she began and now she’s addressing him like a child in front of everyone. “Kya makes a good point. In my opinion, as the healer of this tribe, the children might not make it on their own without someone to look after them, not in this state. And where are we going to find people to look after them?”

“Mother,” Tuktu seethes. “I wish you’d listen to what I was saying as well.”

Next to him, Aguta finally speaks up. “Apaay, your son makes some fair points. Even if the two children were to die, that’s not our responsibility. We never asked for them.” 

Somehow, Aguta has a talent for finding the exact wrong thing to say. At this point, Tuktu might as well throw himself into the icy ocean and save himself from what is sure to be the full wrath of his mother later.

~•~•~

“Aguta! Tuktu! How can you say something like that?” Apaay glares at her son.

“ _ I _ never said it!” Tuktu insists indignantly, but he is going to have a battle on his hands. Never imply that children should die to a healer taking care of said children.

Bato almost feels bad for the kid. Sure, Tuktu’s a little shit sometimes, but he’s definitely a charming one. Besides, he just became an adult, turning nineteen this year. And he makes some good points, he really does. A part of Bato is inclined to agree with him, but his conscience and his loyalty to Hakoda holds him back. As much as he’d like these children to magically disappear, they’re going to be a pain in his ass until the day Hakoda decides that adoption is not a way to solve his problems (which is a day likely never to come). 

So yes, Bato will go along with it, but not without a healthy amount of bitching later. Right now his job is to stand to the right of Hakoda and support him and the complaining can come after all this. Anyway, watching the rest of this conversation (or more accurately: argument) play out is sure to be interesting, especially seeing as Tuktu is one wrong move away from getting his ass kicked. 

~•~•~

Natsiq is...struggling, to say the least. 

Watching Tuktu and Kya go at it, Apaay now joining in, he wonders what this conversation would be like if they knew the full story, if Kya and Apaay and Hakoda would all still argue the children's side. 

The full story being, the Fire kids are not just Fire kids, but the  _ princess and prince to the Fire Nation, _ of all things. 

Being well versed in both Fire written characters and also the only person of the small Southern tribe that had studied elsewhere and gone on countless trading expeditions, Natsiq had known exactly who the bags belonged to the moment he read the embroidered inscriptions. 

Bato had brought them to him, hoping to glean information of some kind. When Natsiq had figured out just how important this information was, he lied and told Bato that it would take a bit of deciphering before he could figure out what the characters meant. 

Natsiq is almost positive that no one in this tribe knows the names of the fire princess and prince (not even many people in the Earth Kingdom do), but in his opinion, it's always better to be safe than sorry, and Natsiq  _ is _ planning to tell Bato and the other members of the tribe their names later. He just needs a bit of time to process this first on hs own. 

He’d also like to meet the children as well. Natsiq feels a strange sort of kinship with the Fire children, but he’s not stupid. It’s entirely possible that they came with bad intentions here, and that they really are bringing chaos along with them. Natsiq doesn’t  _ want _ to believe that’s the true story, but he is not going to be blinded with delusion that could be deadly.

Azula and Zuko. 

_ Natsiq, proceed with caution. _

~•~•~

Sokka takes another quick look around before sliding into Apaay’s tent. It’s dark, but a small lantern is burning in the corner that provides a bit of illumination. He takes a moment to let his eyes adjust, scanning around the room. 

He can hear the voices of arguing adults doing their best to stay quiet outside, and he understands that the situation of the tribe right now is a serious affair, whatever the situation  _ is. _

From what Sokka can tell so far, his father apparently brought two children with him when he came back from fishing. And while Sokka didn’t know exactly why it was such a huge topic of debate _before_ _(Because couldn’t they just adopt them? It shouldn’t be too hard.),_ when he catches a glimpse of them for the first time he knows exactly why _._

_ The kids are  _ Fire.

Sokka has never seen a Fire person before, but in all the stories he’s heard they look exactly like this: skin ghostly pale, skin littered with burns, hair as black as the sky on a moonless night, and eyes like giant snow-owl-cats. (Granted, he can’t see their eyes from under their closed eyelids, but  _ still. _ )

It’s still pretty dark in the tent, but from what he can tell, there’s a boy and a girl, both sleeping with their faces scrunched up in the same exact way. They’re definitely siblings, and Sokka would think they looked remarkably alike if it weren’t for the absolutely  _ enormous _ burn on the boy’s face. His hair is long enough and frayed enough that it disguises it for a moment, but when Sokka gets closer he can see that the scar pulls at the boy’s eye and leaves him without one of his eyebrows. Ridges of flesh pile up in unnatural places, and Sokka wants to take his hand and forcibly smooth it out. 

The scar makes him look angry.

The girl, on the other hand, just looks angry by herself. Sokka is already a bit scared of her. She’s not as interesting as the scarred boy, but it’s insane that either of them are even  _ here _ in the Southern Water Tribe in the first place. Fire children, Sokka never would've even fathomed.

Now that Sokka’s studied their faces, he wants to see their eyes, know if they’re really as golden as he’s been told.

“ _ Sokka! _ ” 

Sokka jumps and whirls around at the sharp voice, glaring fiercly at it's source. “Katara, keep it down!” he hisses at his sister standing awkwardly in the doorway. 

“What are you doing up?” she pries, nosy as ever, and Sokka huffs. 

“ _ Nothing. _ Let’s get back to bed, Mom and Dad won’t be happy if they find us out of bed.”

Katara scowls. “I  _ know _ that you’re up to something, and I want to know too! It’s not fair that I’m always kept in the dark about ev–” 

“Shut up, Katara!” Sokka snaps, and he’s probably being hypocritical with how loud  _ his _ voice is right now, but he can’t help but feel frustrated at her. He immediately feels bad when her eyes widen in fear. “Katara, I’m–” he starts.

“Sokka, behind you,” Katara hisses, pointing, and Sokka whirls around yet again. He’s barely able to keep his composure when he sees the small blue light that Fire girl is holding between her fingers, right about where his hair just was. She’s probably at least five inches shorter than him, absolutely  _ tiny, _ but when she glares at him he loses the ability to stay calm. 

Sokka grabs Katara’s hand and makes a run for it, out of Apaay’s tent. And right into the middle of the tribal meeting. He meets his dad’s gaze, obviously unhappy with his and Katara’s sudden intrusion, and he feels the need to explain himself.

“Firebender,” is all he says, pointing back at the healer’s tent, and camp explodes into chaos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: swearing, brief mentions of death, slight misogyny
> 
> let me know if i missed anything!
> 
> AHHHH I LOVE YOU GUYS! I CANT EVEN TELL YOU HOW MUCH I SWEAR! you’ve all been so encouraging and i have definitely tested up a few times with all the support you’ve given me. i haven’t responded to your comments yet because i felt guilty about it when i didn’t have a chapter going, but i’m planning on doing it tomorrow! (it’s already past midnight rn and i’m tired, so i’ll be going to sleep for now) anyway, even though i left you hanging for so long you guys have been very kind to me and i seriously appreciate you all. <333
> 
> i honestly can’t believe how long i was in a slump over this chapter, considering how i was able to write most of it tonight. i’ve been getting periodically obsessed with other things which may have contributed, like genealogy and song production (which! if you’d ever like to check out my music i’m on [spotify](https://open.spotify.com/artist/4rVQIaRxODWPeHt7ERiGvl?si=ean7XuVTRNqIEG6YTT9IXQ) and [soundcloud](https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/YwjinSR1J1v3pP5o7) as blueberry.sky!!) anyway, sorry again, i honestly don’t know how my motivation works. 
> 
> i (again) had more plans for this chapter, so sorry it was short, but i reaches a good stopping place and wanted to give you guys content. i actually am going into the rest of this first fic in the series with a plan, so hopefully my next updates won’t take as long! (no promises though, it all just depends on if i have the spoons for it and if school decides to stop kicking my ass, sorry)
> 
> by the WAY, speaking of plans, i have the story pretty fleshed out, but i love input! i changed the timeline a bit (a lot) so watch out for that, as zuko and azula are 12 and 10 now instead of 10 and 8. (all other characters’ ages will match) the southern raiders haven’t come YET but watch out for that, as there’s going to be a few twists to this you all might hate me for. if anyone has plot ideas or ways you’d like to see the story go or things to add to any of my ocs, feel free to tell me! i may not include it, but i will definitely consider it, and i like knowing what my readers think!!
> 
> if you’re looking for a friend or would like to talk, you can always come find me on tumblr at @blueseakelp! 
> 
> as always, love you guys, please get some rest, relax, take care of yourselves, stretch, drink some water, and go to bed if it’s past 1 in your area!! (oh, the hypocrisy) >:)
> 
> see y’all next chapter 
> 
> -ash :)


	13. Caged Warmth Lies Here In My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The tribe moves further in settling their problems, and Natsiq gets a chance to talk to Azula.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think it's very sexy of me to have updated within a timely manner of the last one :))
> 
> hi loves!! i'm trying to get an update schedule going, so hopefully from here on out each chapter will be posted about a week apart, either on wednesday or thursday. (no promises though, except for to try my best!) due to writing more frequent updates, they probably won't be all that long, just about the length of my last two chapters.
> 
> by the way, i finally made a playlist for bsmc!! more on that in the end notes <33 (i'll also be linking it to the start of the fic, so if you're new, hello!)
> 
> anyways, thanks for sticking with me, and enjoy this chapter! as always, trigger warnings will be in the end notes

This is insanity. Everyone’s yelling at each other, Sokka and Katara are out of bed, and there’s at least one, possibly  _ two, _ volatile firebender children in the healer’s tent. 

Sometimes Hakoda wonders why he accepted the role of Chief. This was not a situation that ever crossed his mind when he did. Why can’t things ever just be simple? 

(Why couldn’t the children have been from someplace that  _ wasn’t _ actively trying to destroy their way of life?)

Hakoda looks around at the wayward tribe meeting and catches his mother’s eye. Gaze drifting quickly to his children, he silently pleads that Kanna gets the message. Thankfully, she does, but as she ushers Sokka and Katara away from the adults, she gives him a stern look, eyebrows raised.  _ Tui and La, snap out of it, get the tribe under control. _

“Alright, that’s enough!” he calls, loud enough to be heard over the shouts.

Everyone turns to him, and he sees a conglomerate of anger and panic and confusion. He has to quell this rising storm. “Please, let’s take a few minutes to cool off before we resume this discussion. Even if our opinions are not united, we are a united tribe. I’m going to go make sure that the children are not an immediate threat.”

At that, everyone starts muttering amongst themselves, some (namely Tuktu and Aguta) throwing displeased looks his way. Hakoda lets out a long breath as he advances towards the healer’s tent. 

He hears gentle footsteps in the snow behind him. Hakoda continues on, letting whoever it is follow behind him until he reaches the healer’s tent. 

“Chief Hakoda.” He turns.

“Natsiq,” Hakoda nods to him gently. “What brings you here?”

Natsiq rubs the back of his neck. “Could I have a bit of time with the children, to speak with them?” he requests. “I could watch over them while you continue the meeting.”

Hakoda tilts his head thoughtfully. “Do you have an opinion on whether they should stay?”

More neck rubbing. “I–that’s kind of why I want to speak with them. I’d like them to stay, but–I’m also worried about the tribe.” 

Hakoda wonders if he should push it. He can understand why Natsiq would be so interested in the children’s arrival, but he also gets the feeling that there’s something else he’s not saying. Hakoda sighs. Hopefully, Natsiq will tell him if it’s something serious. 

“Yes, Natsiq, you can stay with them while I conduct the rest of the meeting. I would like your input, though, after you’ve talked to them, on how you think we should handle this whole situation.”

Hakoda sees Natsiq’s face smooth, the tension bleeding out of the soft creases. “Thank you, Chief.” 

Hakoda smiles slightly and nods at him. “Okay, let’s hope that the inside isn’t charred to bits.” 

~•~•~

Azula is tired of people constantly coming in and out of the tent, peering at her and Zuko like they’re some sort of circus. Can she not have a moment’s peace?

_ No, stupid. You’re literally in an enemy nation. Of course you’d be monitored. _

She keeps a careful eye on the two men who enter, her fingertips engulfed in a soft orange glow as a warning. They eye her with the same wariness, standing as far away as possible.  _ Good. _

She locks eyes with the shorter of the two. He looks like the more nervous one, but as he holds her gaze, something like comfort starts to seep into his eyes. She continues to glare fiercely, trying to get him to back off, but he just won’t. He almost looks  _ sympathetic, _ and Azula wants to rip the expression off of his stupid face. 

“So, would you like to put the fire down and have a discussion?” the other man asks, voice quietly authoritative. It’s not a question. Azula almost wants to cause more trouble, just to see what would happen, but she decides not to chance it with Zuko in the room. They don’t seem focused on him right now, and she’d like to keep it that way. Historically, people turning their attention to Zuko hasn’t quite ended well.

“What are you hoping to discuss?” Azula asks, injecting as much venom as possible into her words.

“At this point, we’ve established that you’re a firebender. Care to explain why my son came running out of this tent yelling about it?”

_ Maybe you should ask him, _ Azula thinks, but then remembers almost burning the stupid boy’s hair off and changes her mind. Time to once again put her I-Am-Completely-Innocent face to the task. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t know.” Azula shrugs. “Maybe I’m the first firebender he’s seen. I wasn’t doing anything wrong, I don’t think, just trying to light up the room.”

“There’s a lamp already in the room,” the short man observes unhelpfully. Azula grits her teeth and politely doesn't scowl.

“I had assumed an intruder had entered the room. I just wanted to confirm before making any hasty decisions,” Azula explains. 

The taller one, who still quite rudely hasn’t introduced himself, eyes Azula warily, but seems to accept her explanation for now. “Can I trust if I leave you two here,” his eyes flick to Zuko and Azula clenches her fists to keep from igniting a flame, “Can I trust that there won’t be trouble? I want to let you stay, but you have to understand that any... _ incidents, _ and I’m not going to argue your case.”

Azula wants to scoff in his face and show him exactly what she thinks of him, preferably with the ambient glow of blue fire. This man comes into the tent, doesn’t introduce himself, and acts like he’s their savior.  _ Azula _ didn’t ask to be taken here, and she doesn’t remember asking a stranger to “argue her case”. Agni, she’s not even sure what the fuck her case is. It’s outright arrogance, or at least it would be back home.

_ Back at the palace, you mean.  _

Azula blinks, fighting back a flinch at the thought. 

Fuck this entire situation.

“I understand.” 

~•~•~ 

_ This is an angry child, _ Natsiq thinks as he stares at the girl. 

_ Probably a traumatized one, too. _

Since Hakoda left to talk to the tribe, Natsiq has been trying to figure out how to approach the topic of the two children being Fire royalty to said children. Unfortunately, he still hasn’t found a good solution, so he’s idly purusing one of Apaay’s healing books while he thinks. 

_ Maybe she’ll say something first? _ he thinks, and then internally facepalms.  _ Hey, Natsiq, remember the part about you being the adult here? _

“So,” the girl starts. Well. Natsiq looks up from the book. Some kind spirit must be listening to his thoughts. 

Bato mentioned, when he had come into the tent going on and on about the bags and the newfound children, that the girl had anger in her voice. Well,  _ fire on her tongue, just like her nation, _ were the exact words he had used. They seem appropriate to Natsiq now, as she glares holes in his head.

“You have brown eyes,” the girl says to him, her own golden ones like piercing rays of light. 

So not  _ exactly _ the conversation Natsiq was looking for. Relevant, sure, but not something he would like to get into at the moment.

“Yes, I do. So does Apaay,” Natsiq responds hastily, busying himself with bookmarking his page, if only to break eye contact. He doesn’t even know what he was just reading. 

The girl  _ Azula _ is silent for a moment, and when he looks back up she’s still staring hard enough that she could probably read a book straight through his head. 

“Apaay is the healer,” he supplies awkwardly.  _ Assuming ignorance is a good tactic. _ “She was in here earlier.”

“I know who Apaay is,” the girl responds, squinting at him. “Your face is just different.” 

Natsiq forces a laugh. “I’d hope so.”

The girl looks as if she wants to say something else, and nope, Natsiq is Not Happy with the direction of this conversation.

“So would you like to talk about how you and your brother are actually Fire Nation royalty?” 

_ Great start, Natsiq, good things to say in front of a feral firebender child. That won’t upset her. _

“How the  _ fuck _ did you know that?” the girl hisses, and surprise, now there’s a dagger involved! Natsiq wants to know who decided not to search her shoes for weaponry  _ that is now being pointed at his throat with wobbly child hands. _ Natsiq can suddenly see why she was taken to the sickbay. It’s harder to tell how shaky her whole body is when she’s standing still and murdering you with her eyes. 

“Okay, first of all, sit down please, I  _ really _ don’t want you to pass out because I don’t know what to do if that happens and I’m not good at figuring that shit out.” The girl pointedly doesn’t move an inch. “Oh, can I swear around you? Sorry, I forgot to ask.” 

She furrows her eyebrows, but lowers the dagger and scowls. “I already said ‘fuck’ to you, didn’t I? I can't–this is so weird. Strange people just  _ show up _ without introducing themselves, and then I get asked about being Fire Nation royalty, of all things, and then asked if I’m okay with  _ swearing.”  _ Natsiq stands there awkwardly but doesn’t say anything, not quite sure if she’s addressing him.

_ “Agni,  _ what the fuck?” she mutters under her breath, and then coughs way louder than Natsiq is comfortable with. 

“Okay, sitting time!” He must sound as desperate as he feels because the fire princess takes pity on him and sits, a weird expression on her face. “So, I should probably explain.”

~•~•~

This is completely infuriating. All Azula wants to do is hate this man, but for some stupid reason, she can’t.  _ He reminds her of Zuko, in a way. _ She can see that she clearly doesn’t intimidate him, even though he knows that she can bend fire  _ and _ that she’s royalty of an enemy nation. Agni, do the people of this stupid tribe have no sense? All they do is just come peering at her, laughing at her like she’s a harmless child.

And now she has proved she is not, in fact, a harmless child, and this idiot is telling her to  _ sit down _ because he doesn’t know what to do if she faints. Azula is ten and even she knows that the perfectly  _ logical _ thing to do would be to kill both of them in their sleep before they can cause more trouble. She’s already lucky they haven’t done that yet.

_ Maybe they want information. _

“I’m Natsiq,” the man finally says. 

_ He’s not like the others here. _ Azula can’t place it, but there’s something different in his eyes, in his face. And so far, no one else has questioned them about being royalty. 

“Your names were written in the bags. Zuko and Azula, the names of Prince Ozai’s children. I’m pretty sure it’s treason to have those if you’re not actually them.” He rubs the back of his neck. Azula wants to smack him and straighten his posture.  _ Fuck, the bags. _ The names are so obvious, and they’re going to get them in trouble for the second time. Azula should’ve learnt her lesson and ripped out the embroidery when she had the chance.

Is this man truly the only one that knows? That seems highly unlikely to her. But why would  _ he _ be the one to question her?

“Who else knows about our identities?” No better way to know than to ask.

Natsiq shakes his head. “No one. I’m the only one who can read fire script, and no one else knows who you are, anyway.”

Azula scowls, unsatisfied with the answer. “What do you want then?”

“Honestly, nothing, except to make sure you have good intentions here. This tribe doesn’t need more struggle, and certainly not at the hands of two firebenders–”

“Zuko can’t firebend, and you’ll leave him out of this,” Azula spits, stupidly loosing her composure. So stab her, she's tired. “I’m the only threat here. If he’s harmed by one of your people’s hands this village will be reduced to smoldering ashes in an instant. I can promise you that we’ll leave peacefully, as long as you can keep our identities a secret.”

“I’m not asking you to leave, and I won’t tell anyone yet. I can wait until you’re ready, but in exchange, no harm comes to this village, from you or anyone in the Fire Nation that you’re in contact with.”

These deals are too good to be true. If Natsiq is genuine, he is sickenly trusting and should probably be thankful that Azula is not as homicidal as she used to be.

She laughs bitterly. “You believe we have more power in the Fire Nation than we do here. I’ll accept the terms, it’s not in my interests to hurt anyone if they don’t hurt us first.”

~•~•~

This is getting out of hand. Hakoda thought a break might give everyone a chance to calm down and think through their options. Apparently, it just stirred up more trouble.

In the few minutes he was gone, people have started standing, hurling insults at each other, making personal attacks, and it only gets louder as he approaches the fire. He hears Kya’s voice amidst the fray, and he can see her still gesturing wildly at Tuktu and Aguta.

“ _ I’m _ not seeing reason? I’m seeing plenty of reason–” 

“Are you a man?  _ You’re _ not going to fight when the Fire Nation comes to wipe out the last of us,” Aguta says, and  _ oh _ that was the wrong thing to say. 

Kya clenches her fists just as Hakoda makes his final strides to the rest of the tribe, back to him. The rest of the tribe members go quiet when they see him, but before he can talk her out of it, Kya has scooped up a handful of snow and thrown it at Aguta. 

Hakoda privately savors the slightly shocked and enraged expression on his face, before mentally slapping himself. He’s not a teenager, he has a tribe meeting to conduct. Granted, one that’s quickly going to shit, but still.

“Okay, can we please calm down?”

Kya turns sharply to face Hakoda, having just noticed him. She doesn’t stop glaring, the same sharp expression he is sure was just cutting through Aguta. Kya raises one eyebrow and doesn’t say anything aloud, but the expression on her face is clear.  _ He’s being sexist, so I’m fixing the problem. _

Hakoda raises his eyebrows back.  _ He absolutely deserved that, but it’s not going to get anyone on our side right now. _

“Since it seems like this method of discussion is not working out,” most of the tribespeople look sheepish at that, “is everyone willing to allow spokespeople for each position to arrange terms that satisfy all of us? The Council will help deliberate and come to a sufficient compromise.”

Hakoda sees various people nod, most looking unopposed to the idea. “Can we get a show of hands, for those favorable?” 

Despite some reluctance, the decision seems to be unanimous. Hakoda is mildly surprised at this, expecting a little more pushback. He nods firmly. “We need representatives from both sides of the issue to negotiate. Can we have nominations?”

“I nominate Tuktu, for us who wish for the children to leave,” Aguta raises his arm and says.

“I second that,” another man, Siluk, says. 

“Third,” calls someone else. Noises of assent are made from various places around the fire.

“Then it’s settled. Tuktu will speak for those of you who wish for the children to go. We need a representative for those of you who want the children to stay.”

“I nominate you, Chief, to speak for us,” Yuka calls. 

“I second that,” Hakoda’s mother says, her voice gravelly and clear.

“And I third,” says Apaay. Hakoda sees Tuktu shoot her a glare. 

He’s mildly surprised that he was chosen, as the leader of their tribe. As long as there are no complaints about impartiality, though, he doesn’t have a problem with negotiating on behalf of the children. There shouldn’t be an issue, he thinks. He’s never had to resolve a situation like this, but the Council should stand in for Hakoda when officiating the final decisions, as to subvert any conflicts of interest. He looks towards the tribe.

“Then Bato, Kya, and I will campaign for the children to stay here, if they’re amiable.” He catches each of their eyes in turn, getting nods from each of them. 

“Aguta and Anyu will join me,” Tuktu says, as he stands, both of the other men standing alongside him. 

“Then it’s settled. It’s been a long night, everyone. I want to thank you all for participating in this discussion, and hopefully by daybreak we’ll have come to a conclusion that we can present. Please get some rest, and good night.” 

Hakoda walks towards Tuktu as the people start to disperse, Kya and Bato walking alongside him. They grasp each other’s arms in a traditional Water Tribe handshake before Hakoda speaks.

“Would you agree to take a short break before we begin talks? I’d like everyone involved to have a chance to gather their thoughts, and I’d like to talk to Natsiq about what he’s gathered from this situation.”

“I’m not opposed,” Tuktu replies. “Is ten minutes enough time? I’ll talk to the Council in the meantime, and we can reconvene afterwards.”

“Alright, then. I’ll plan to meet all of you in the Council’s tent then, after this.”

Hakoda nods and grasps arms with Tuktu once more, each of their seconds doing the same with each other, before turning with Kya and Bato towards the healer’s tent once more.

~•~•~

Natsiq probably shouldn’t be warming up to Azula this quickly. But that must be what happens when you make deals with a firebender.

Going into this conversation, he was trying to discern whether the fire prince and princess were still attached to their nation. Talking with Azula makes him think that they might not have any loyalty at all, anymore.

What could be so bad that the children found themselves all the way on the other side of the world? 

Natsiq wishes it were harder to deduce. Between the unconscious fire prince’s scar, and the princess’s violently protective nature. Someone must have hurt them there, someone they couldn’t just banish or execute. 

Someone they had to run from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: threats of violence, mild sexist behavior, swearing
> 
> let me know if i missed anything!
> 
> ahhh i LOVE LOVE LOVE all your comments, thank you guys so much!! you make me smile so much :))
> 
> idk if i'm getting any of the characterizations right or if they're just falling flat, but i'm hoping that at least it was enjoyable to read. 
> 
> i have finals next week and school is still killing me slowly and painfully, so there's that. i thought i was going to take an ap class for math next year but i might just take regular math IV and redo what i'm learning for this course, because i'm lucky to retain any of it for longer than a week. that way i'll finally finish all my math credits and won't have to do it again until college. ANYWAY
> 
> (by the way, january 6th, can i just say, what the F U C K. if you know you know. stay safe you guys, physically, emotionally, and mentally)
> 
> [PLAYLIST](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7DjjADbvwiGysVz0N4GSM8)!!! i've been wanting to do a playlist for this fic for so long, but i've been struggling to start it. then i listened through a ton of sleeping at last's songs, and needless to say, i am no longer playlist-less. make of that what you will. each of these songs was specifically chosen for a specific reason, but not necessarily for a certain chapter or plot point. a lot of them are based on characters, especially azula and zuko. anyway, if you want to know why one of the songs is on there, or if you think there's a song i should add, tell me!! :)
> 
> speaking of, my tumblr, @blueseakelp!! you can always send me a message or an ask, or reach out if you need someone to talk to! 
> 
> please stay safe and healthy, drink some water, and take some time for yourself! also go to sleep >:( see you all next time!!
> 
> -ash <33
> 
> oh, by the way, an edit: GUYS I'M ALMOST AT 20,000 HITS! GUYS SO MANY PEOPLE PERCEIVE ME I'VE BEEN FREAKING OUT SO MUCH!!! you all are so lovely and deserve the best xx


	14. Are We Welcome Here, To You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negotiations happen and Azula politely doesn’t set Natsiq on fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no one:  
> me: *tells everyone i’m starting a weekly update schedule right before finals week* shit
> 
> yeah sorry about that! umm i’m kinda good at procrastinating too, so we’ll see how long i can actually maintain a schedule anyways. 
> 
> this doesn’t have as much substance as i’d like, but in honor of an inauguration of a SANE president who doesn’t endorse terrorists, i thought i’d write some adults acting like adults. here’s to a hopefully more boring four years of news. 
> 
> enjoy this chapter, and trigger warnings will be in the end notes!

Waking up is disorienting. Zuko’s head feels fuzzy and stiff and cold. He blinks hard, once, twice, to clear his vision, and looks around the dimly lit room. When he sits up, he can feel thick layers of blankets fall into his lap. 

This...isn’t the Earth Kingdom, or the Fire Nation. He’s in some sort of tent, he thinks, and it’s  _ cold. _

_ (The North Pole?  _

_ They  _ can’t _ be at the North Pole.) _

Around the tent hangs lanterns and glass jars filled with plants and other things that Zuko can’t discern. More jars and boxes are stacked neatly around the perimeters of the tent, and a stack of books lies in one of the corners, on a low wooden stand. Furs and blankets are organized carefully across the floor. He’s laying on a few, and they’re surprisingly comfortable. 

“Zuzu?”

Zuko glances to the side to see Azula sitting up with her back perfectly straight, her posture impeccable. She’s watching something outside, and in the low light, Zuko is able to make out two figures looming in the doorway, and speaking in hushed tones.

“What’s going on?” he asks her softly.

Azula glances at him and back to the entryway quickly before reaching over and pulling him into a fierce hug. “Stop scaring me, dum-dum,” she hisses in his ear, before adding, “I’m glad you’re okay.” She breaks away and turns back to her watch position. “They know who we are.”

Zuko blinks. “What?”

“One of the men here knows that we’re the prince and princess of the Fire Nation. He promised me not to tell the others, but I’m not sure if I can trust him to keep his word.” Frustration seeps into her voice, and she spits out the words like bitter water. “I don’t think we have a choice, though.”

Despite feeling clueless as ever, Zuko can’t help but agree. 

It’s not like they have anywhere else to go to, anyway.

~•~•~

Under the pretense of civility, Kya can’t punch Aguta or Tuktu in the throat but she  _ can _ stare them down to her heart’s desire. She’s not surprised that her husband chose her to be part of the negotiations, but she is proud of it. 

Kya will show every man in this tribe where women belong and it’s not just with the children. Who do they think will hunt and lead and defend the tribe if the men ( _ Tui and La forbid _ ) ever have to go to war? It won’t be the little boys, sure as the sea, it’ll be the grown women of this tribe.

This isn’t just about the underlying misogyny in this tribe though. Kya has good points to make on why the Fire children should stay and she’ll  _ make them _ . There has to be at least some sort of compromise where they aren’t left to fend for themselves.

And if she has to play up her “motherly instincts”, the men in that tent best believe she will lay it on and lay it on thick.

Ask not what sexism can do to you, but what sexism can do  _ for _ you. 

Or, she supposes, for two washed-up kids.

~•~•~

Hakoda knows that Natsiq sees himself in the children. And that makes his opinion both dangerous and most valuable.

Natsiq trusts the children. 

For now, that’s all Hakoda needs.

~•~•~

Tuktu sits across from the Chief, legs folded on the floor and hand folded in his lap. On the table in front of him is a qulliq, propped up for stability. Around the room, other ones illuminate the Council tent, but this one is not yet lit. 

Next to him sits his spokesmen, Aguta to his right and Anyu to his left, and Chief Hakoda sits with his own. The ten elders that make up the Council also sit, filling up the space around the qulliq in the center, and creating a circle of sorts.

Nukilik stands. “The issue at hand is whether the two Fire children should be allowed to stay with our tribe. Hakoda, Kya and Bato, are supporting; Tuktu, Aguta, and Anyu are opposing, and we members of the Council are guiding the discussion. When I light the qulliq, Tuktu will be given an opportunity to speak. As soon as it begins to smoke, I or one of the other elders will trim it and the conversation will move on to the next person, from opposing to supporting. After discussion commences, we will have open talks of negotiation, and others can be brought in to speak.” Everyone here knows the rules of a discussion like this, but it’s still a required formality. 

Nukilik looks around, acknowledging each person with a nod. 

“And so we begin.”

~•~•~

Zuko doesn’t really like this situation. 

When he thought about escaping the Fire Nation, he didn’t think of  _ fun _ necessarily, but he did think of freedom? Just a little bit.

_ (They  _ are _ prisoners, right? With the whole “they know about the royalty part” predicament it seems like it should be a prisoner situation.  _ Right? _ ) _

Zuko can’t quite get a clear picture of what’s going on here. Azula is too busy having an (angry? friendly?) staring match with a man who Zuko hasn’t been introduced to and is probably not going to be introduced to at this point.

He hasn’t seen the outside climate yet but from what he can gather it consists of  _ cold _ and probably frozen water in the form of both ice and snow. 

Either way, under the blankets (five, he got bored and counted), it’s so much warmer. That’s where Zuko has decided he’s going to stay until ordered otherwise.

~•~•~

“...have no idea where the children have been. And they could be dangerou–Scratch that, they  _ are  _ dangerous. At least one of them holds power in their hands that could burn down the entire village and all our supplies in an instant. Even without intending to. None of us know what either of them are capable of...”

~•~•~

Natsiq is bored of the silence, and his eyes are hurting from not blinking.

“So, do you have any pets?”

That’s kind of a dumb fucking question to start out with.

~•~•~

Hakoda stands as the wick is trimmed. 

“We can handle taking care of the children. They don’t seem to have anyone to rely on, and as the ones who picked them up, we have a certain level of responsibility to them now. If they do happen to be dangerous and connected to the Fire Nation, it’s likely even safer to keep them here where they can’t communicate with anyone in their nation, and we are capable of finding ways to handle their firebending, if worst comes to worst...”

~•~•~

“Do you have a favorite color?” 

Not one of his questions has been answered so far, but it’s not like Natsiq has something better to do.

~•~•~

This man wants to be burned so bad, Azula thinks. He’s practically  _ begging _ for it and if looks could kill, his body would be up in flames on a funeral pyre.

~•~•~

Aguta knows that no one thinks he’s tactful, which is part of why he gets away with it. 

“Since no one has said it yet, I’m putting it out there. We could kill the children and save ourselves from all this debate. They’re already on the verge of death, anyways.”

Tuktu gives him a  _ look _ that is very familiar and begs him to shut the fuck up, which Aguta has already decided will not be happening. He tries to lighten the mood with a charming smile to the rest of the room. It’s so late for this bullshit.

~•~•~

“What do you do for fun?” Natsiq asks, then gasps to himself, honestly a bit too dramatically. “Wait! Do you even  _ have _ things to do for fun in the Fire Nation?” 

The princess’s eyebrow twitches and he swears he sees her hand spark.

~•~•~

Zuko kind of likes this guy. He seems generally nice, if a little awkward and talkative, but it doesn’t look like he wants to hurt, maim, or kill them. So.

“I like theater scrolls.”

~•~•~

Natsiq nearly jumps out of his skin. 

“What the fuck, you’re  _ up _ ? Tui and La you scared the shit out of me.”

Azula glares harder at him. 

“I’m sorry,” he amends. “Can I swear around your brother?”

~•~•~

Zuko splutters indignantly, scowl scrunching up his face. “ _ I’m the older one here! _ ”

~•~•~

Kya can  _ feel _ the mood of the room shift as she stands up, and she can smell pig-headed men judging her from a mile away. Or across the room.

Smoothing out her anorak, she smiles toothily around at them. “As a  _ mother _ , I think it would be cruel to make the children leave. If  _ my children _ ever found themselves in the Fire Nation, I would sincerely hope that some small village would find it in the kindness of their hearts to take them in.”

~•~•~

So, the prince is older than the princess, and he likes theater scrolls. This is a solid step towards bonding, Natsiq thinks.

Domesticating one or two feral firebender children isn’t  _ as _ hard as everyone tries to make it seem. 

~•~•~

“...we don’t need to send them away empty-handed, necessarily. Chief, you mentioned that Natsiq has had the opportunity to speak to the children. He could take them back to the Fire Nation, or the Earth Kingdom. They might not have washed up here because of a bad situation; there’s always the possibility of mere unfortunate circumstances...”

~•~•~

Hakoda isn’t exactly sure how to resolve this, and he wishes he could have waited until the morning to even try having this conversation, at least to give his brain a rest. But with this... _ explosive _ of a situation, he has to deal with it as quickly as possible.

It’s not like the kids can half stay here and half leave. And Hakoda doesn’t want to keep them for a few months and release them back into the world like some rehabilitation project. They’re  _ kids _ , and they deserve what little care and stability he can give them _. _ Natsiq says that they’re “not dangerous in a bad way”, and whether Hakoda’s just trying to cling to anything that will support his point or whether he actually understands what that means, he’s going along with it. 

He just doesn’t know how to convince everyone else to trust, too.

~•~•~

Between him and Hakoda, it’s not often that Bato gets custody of the braincell. However.

“This doesn’t have to be all or nothing. The fire kids could always stay until they show tangible signs of endangering us.” 

See? He can be smart when he wants to. And the qulliq hasn’t even started smoking yet.

~•~•~

That’s. Really smart. And something Hakoda really should’ve thought about sooner. 

Bato is the last person to give a full statement, and then it’s onto the discussion. It’s negotiated that the children can stay, with strict rules and on a trial basis, until their character and loyalties can be determined. It appeases both sides, and the elders of the Council vote to allow it. 

It feels like a sigh of relief. The heavy cloud of tension is still partly looming in the air, no one quite willing to let their guard down completely, but it’s a compromise nonetheless. 

Hakoda stands and goes around the room grasping arms, exchanging words. And with everything in order, he’s back to leading the tribe.

He straightens his posture and raises his voice to get everyone’s attention, plastering on an easygoing smile through the tired haze. “Well, I don’t know about everyone else, but I’m worn out.” This gets soft chuckles of agreement from around the room. “You all can go home and get some rest.”

Almost everyone starts to shuffle out of the tent, although Bato and Kya stay with him. Tuktu opts to stay as well, expression unreadable. Hakoda decides not to question it. If he would like to stay for the coming discussion with the firebender children, he can.

Hakoda sighs as the last elder leaves. “I’ll be back.”

He heads in the direction of the healer’s tent. Time to go collect some kids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: swearing, mentions of murder, violence, and misogyny 
> 
> let me know if i missed something!
> 
> sujvfddv g u y s i love your comments you all are so wonderful and it makes my day every time i get one ahhhh!!! i promise to respond soon to all of the ones last chapter!! xx
> 
> life is? going? sometimes i almost say like “yeah things are fine and this week was completely normal!” but then i remember actually a relative died and i had a Bad conversation with my father and i forgot about something i was really looking forward to for a while and missed it entirely. so,, my assessment of normality isn’t the most accurate lmao BUT on the bright side i have had some really good conversations and my friends make me super happy (love if you’re reading this you know who you are xx you’re amazing 🧍♀️)
> 
> hhhhhh it’s only 10:30 and yet. my brain is very tired. i think i will get Sleep. 
> 
> i hope you all enjoyed this chapter, even if it didn’t have a lot in terms of plot!! i kinda rushed writing and editing (as in, i did it all in the last three hours shnvvc), so sorry if it seems off oof :// i either do it all at once or not at all because my brain is not functional apparently 
> 
> HEY!!! by the way, i’m trying to include elements from both indigenous and asian cultures in this story, but please please tell me if i’m protraying anything inaccurately or offensively so i can be informed and correct myself! :))
> 
> come talk to me on tumblr at @blueseakelp!! 
> 
> i hope you are doing well. please get a drink of water, sleep a full 8 hours of possible, and stretch out your neck!!! stay safe loves <33
> 
> -ash :)


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